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Original poster

Men not being attracted to obese women

557 replies

itchyhands3 · 20/04/2023 12:50

I've just watched a video by an' expert' emphatically saying that men do not as a rule find obese women attractive unless they have a specific fetish for obese women.

I don't know what to think for I would be considered obese on scales but certainly don't feel I look obese and consider myself relatively attractive and some men have expressed attraction towards me
.
I'm 5'7' and over thirteen and a half stone . Size 14-16 .I am 49.
This has really unsettled me for some reason. How insulting . But is it true ?

OP posts:
MilkshakeEarthquake · 20/04/2023 13:13

I think it’s true, I’m fat now and men ignore me completely I never get harassed like other women do (not saying it’s a bad thing!) but I’m pretty much invisible to men. When I was slim I was constantly approached outside by men. I’ve lost weight a few years ago and men started noticing me again but now I’ve put it back on back to invisible! I was watching a thing and men were asked if they would rather date an ugly woman or a fat women all of them chose ugly.

palelavender · 20/04/2023 13:13

By the way, blondes do not have stronger bones.

MsCunk · 20/04/2023 13:14

StopStartStop · 20/04/2023 13:12

Sheep, dogs etc etc

But my neighbour-woman was in the paper for having sex with horses.

Show quote history

I wonder if they included a diagram because that sounds tricky.

IlIlI · 20/04/2023 13:14

Some men like it, some don't. Of the overweight women I know none are single and some still get attention from men even though it's unwanted.
Just like every other feature some will love it some will hate it and some will be indifferent

mindutopia · 20/04/2023 13:17

That's absolutely silly. Shallow men who are focus only on particular standards of attractiveness are perhaps not attracted to obese women (or women who have other characteristics beyond 'instagram model'). But in my experience, these are not most men. I don't know many people who look conventionally 'attractive' (men or women) and most people I know are in very happy relationships with partners who are very keen on them.

I'm obese technically (size 16-18) and have been roughly this size since my 20s. I'm not an Instagram model by any stretch of the imagination. I've never had an issue meeting people and having serious long-term relationships - not really been interested in a shag, though had a few of those too. Happily married now for 15 years. Neither dh nor exes have any sort of fat kink, and none of them have been obese. I'd like to think it's because I bring something more to the relationship than just a body and I was meeting people who were interested in someone who had something more to offer than looks. I've never had anyone make a comment about my body (other than very positive ones!) and certainly never had anyone obviously put off by my size.

Men who says these sorts of things are just engaging in a form of negging. If they can knock you down a bit, it boosts their ego. Don't given them the opportunity.

BananaPalm · 20/04/2023 13:17

It's definitely true...

DriedFlowersLiveForever · 20/04/2023 13:20

I'm definitely obese and haven't struggled with interest from men (many not obese themselves).
I am however quite tall, most of my weight is evenly spread so I am in proportion and take good care of myself (wear makeup, dye hair, wax everything, use fake tan, dress okay etc).
I am also one of those annoying people that will chat to anyone about anything (ie not short of confidence!) which I also think helps.
I am married and have been for a long time....this also doesn't seem to put men off asking!
I am going to get slated for this next bit but here goes anyway....
There is a huge difference between an overweight woman that takes care of her appearance and genuinely takes joy in life and the overweight woman dressed in a baggy ill fitted t shirt with a soft bra underneath, see through leggings with holes in and a cheap pair of flat pumps. They clearly look like they have given up and that is an unattractive quality unless it happens that there is an overweight man in an ill fitting t shirt and a pair of joggers tucked under his stomach looking her way.
Like attracts like.
We would all like to wake up in a morning and throw a t shirt and leggings on and look amazing, I would suggest that unless you are in your 20's and a size 8 a little more effort is likely to be required to be considered attractive however being overweight and attractive is entirely possible.

motherofkevinnotperry · 20/04/2023 13:20

Yes and no. I'm obese, size 18-20 but I'm also tall. I'm curvy, have a small waist, boobs, hips etc. When I was younger it made a difference. I'm now late 40s and it doesn't seem to matter as much.

I'm married but have no problem getting male attention but I'm confident, bubbly, enjoy meeting new people and interested in them. I also dress for my size and shape, always have.

I get more attention as a blonde or red head than I did as a brunette and I think this is a bigger factor than my body size. Confidence and personality go a very long way to being attractive.

Hongkongsuey · 20/04/2023 13:21

I’m not attracted to obese men and wouldn’t consider dating one. Not a bald one. You like what you like. But in any other aspect, feelings are neutral. You can’t police people’s attraction though.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 20/04/2023 13:22

Some men like fatter women. Some prefer skinny ones.

there’s no fixed rule.

FranksOcean · 20/04/2023 13:23

I’m a size 18/20/22 therefore consider obese, morbidly obese even. I have had attractive partners and have one currently. They obviously have found me attractive, must be the boobs and bum! and how I carry myself

HashBrownandBeans · 20/04/2023 13:23

I’ve been overweight for donkeys years and never been single. I am very body-confident though and I think that’s the key.

Orangeradiorabbit · 20/04/2023 13:25

I think a lot of men who assume "no one fancies obese women" actually have a skinny kink/fetish. Why is someone suddenly unattractive because they are bigger? It makes no sense.

I used to be very slim (size 8, 5 ft 10) and then my weight gradually crept up and I got to size 14. My partner (at the time) sexual attraction to me noticeably got less (my BMI was still "normal") and he wanted less and less sex. Then when I lost the weight he was interested in sex again. He was also very critical of women who are over size 10, on TV for example, calling them things like "large units".

So I think it is the ones who only love skinny Instagram model types who in fact have the fettish. This "expert" is probably also critical of intelligent women, or women over 25, as another poster called out.

Badbudgeter · 20/04/2023 13:26

I’m in the overweight category too. I think less people are attracted to me than when I was thinner, younger and child free aka had more time for grooming. That’s fair enough. I’ve always been attracted to tall blokes with rugby/rower shoulders. You like who you like and a stone or two probably won’t make a as big difference to your attraction to that person. I think if you are very obese, most people won’t be attracted to you. Actually I think that’s true of many extreme physical traits or even personality. I wouldn’t want to date someone who was very thin or a brexiteer for example.

bringincrazyback · 20/04/2023 13:26

DunkingMyDonuts · 20/04/2023 12:58

Yes, on the whole I think it is true.

And why should they? I dont find obese men attractive.

"If you can't sort your own food issues out and look decent then why inflict yourself on others?" This is what I tell myself.

What an unpleasant thing to say.

Plenty of overweight and obese people are capable of looking 'decent' as you put it.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 20/04/2023 13:26

13.5 stone at 5'7" is a BMI of 29.6, so if you're over that then you probably do edge just into the obese category. It doesn't mean you're unattractive or anything else, it's just a medical term for a height/weight ratio thar carries certain risks statistically. You can greatly offset them through healthy eating and exercise even if you don't get lighter.

I think men generally do prefer fitter, healthier women...most people do in whatever sex attracts them. But it doesn't mean you're not attractive or won't find love or anything like that. Most men prefer beautiful women but ordinary women still find love all the time. And plenty of medically obese women are stunning.

ElmtreeMama · 20/04/2023 13:26

Very obese size 22 here! Happily married to a conventionally attractive slim man and never really had a problem attracting partners !
I'd like to get to an 18 as I felt sexier and better in myself then.

beeskipa · 20/04/2023 13:27

I've been fat (and at points very fat) pretty much all my adult life. Never been lacking male attention, including some very conventionally attractive, mega-gym-bodied guys.

And plenty who saw my body shape as a plus and were specific about that (rather than, I guess, seeing it as a 'despite that' thing or not caring either way).

Sittingonabench · 20/04/2023 13:27

It makes as much sense as an expert saying men prefer overweight women because it means they have more resources or are more likely to survive a famine… it’s all nonsense! People are attracted to what they’re attracted to and may be influenced by societal norms and beauty standards to a degree but not the be all and end all.

NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs · 20/04/2023 13:27

I’m about to turn 37, always been either chubby, overweight or obese.
Never been asked on a date, not even once.
I’m not a horrible person, not the best, but other than extra weight, I’m ’normal’, good person.
It’s the weight.
In my experience men only care about looks, many of them who also have crazy standards what ’true beauty’ is.
That’s all that matters to them, well that and sex.
It’s been though, but helped me to see that love isin’t real, so at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter.

PaintedEgg · 20/04/2023 13:29

What I find awfully annoying is that these (often self-proclaimed) experts tend to call everything THEY don't like a fetish if someone else finds it attractive or simply has no opinion either way.

It's like saying most women don't find bald men attractive unless they have a specific FETISH.

People have such varied preferences and so far figuring out what makes us attracted to one another was actually a pretty difficult tasks for researchers. You can ask people for their preferences and then watch them contradict themselves by being attracted to complete opposites and not even knowing why.

So...nah, there is plenty of men who like fuller figures (and its not a fetish) and plenty of men who simply don't mind either way

Mari9999 · 20/04/2023 13:30

How many women, if they were to be honest, would say that they are attracted to be obese men?

However, we see all sizes and shapes of men and women together; so it would seem that preferences must be pretty elastic.

Gymmum82 · 20/04/2023 13:31

I’m not attracted to obese men or indeed obese women. However there are plenty of overweight/obese men out there so I’d imagine they’d be more likely to find someone overweight attractive. They can’t be that picky if they want a partner

pikantna · 20/04/2023 13:32

Some men are, some men are not. Just as there are men you are attracted to and men who do nothing for you, you there will be men who fancy you and men who don't.

ThisWormHasTurned · 20/04/2023 13:32

I think it depends on a variety of factors. I’m obese now but the healthiest I’ve been for a long time. I dieted from being obese a few years ago and got to a “normal” BMI. I felt more visible when I was slim. More men chatted me up at that time! Of course dysfunctional dieting and health problems meant I gained it all back and more. I’ve changed my focus and now I exercise and eat well without dieting. I’ve changed my body shape, I’m much stronger. Technically I am still obese of course.
I split from my H last year. I was genuinely surprised to find that men told me they found me attractive! I did OLD and was honest with my photos. Got plenty of attention and met a lovely fella after a few months. He fancies me for me, never comments on my weight at all! Just compliments me. I don’t think he has a fetish!

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