Men not being attracted to obese women

[itchyhands3]

I've just watched a video by an' expert' emphatically saying that men do not as a rule find obese women attractive unless they have a specific fetish for obese women.

I don't know what to think for I would be considered obese on scales but certainly don't feel I look obese and consider myself relatively attractive and some men have expressed attraction towards me
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I'm 5'7' and over thirteen and a half stone . Size 14-16 .I am 49.
This has really unsettled me for some reason. How insulting . But is it true ?

This. It's perfectly normal and acceptable.

No, definitely not biological. I'm stick thin myself (not in a nice looking way) but I've never understood people who insist each era/culture's subjective preference is "biological" fact.

Rubens era paintings of women with drooping bellies, the obese concubines (their names immortalised in Chinese history as famous beauties) pictured on Tang Dynasty era graves, the force-feeding & steroids for women to get obese (not just fat but obese) and beautiful in current third world countries like North Korea/Bangladesh/Mauritania...

How do you explain whole periods in history (probably far longer than the skinny trend, which started post-Twiggy generation) across different cultures when being fat was considered beautiful? And indeed the more obese with rippling cellulite, the more beautiful!

It's social conditioning which most people will have ingrained in them, but is by no means a biological or blanket rule.

Modern aesthetic preferences are in no way a reflection of "health" anyway! Aesthetic preferences of every era tend to be tied to wealth and socioeconomic status. It used to be you were wealthy if you could gorge yourself on meat, unlike the peasants. These days it's if you can afford a life of organic food and gymming.

I think in general we are naturally more attracted to healthy people than unhealthy.

I meant "Modern aesthetic preferences (stick thin model) are in no way a reflection of "health" anyway!" I'm unsure, but I think probably a bit of extra weight is healthier in terms of fertility than a stick thin model? And again, I say this as someone underweight

Fatter people look younger from middle age, so from 40 onward you can choose between looking thin and old, or fat and young. Dealer's choice.

This is it its like a whole different world. People ask me for fitness advice , I'm still a fat person mentally so I find this hilarious. People assume you are displinined and you should be respected because you are slim. Look at how a lot of MNers revere slim celebrities. Its like a different world.

In my experience, well-groomed obese women with pretty faces and engaging personalities have no trouble at all attracting men.

I've just watched a video by an' expert' emphatically saying that men do not as a rule find obese women attractive unless they have a specific fetish for obese women

Well yes I can believe that.

How many here would be attracted to an obese man? Then consider that on the whole men are more interested in looks.

This

I guess it depends what you mean by attracted to. I'm generalising here but women tend to see men an a package. The looks play a part but it's not so important. Men tend to be sexually attracted to a more youthful/healthy look. At a biological level they're considering would you bear them children. I don't think this is a choice. I also think men could more easily have sex with a 'body' rather than a person. However....once in a committed relationship the visuals become less important but it really depends on that bond. I'd imagine a man in a good pairing will still find his wife attractive even though she has a touch of grey and a bit of a tum. In fact he'll still feel that way when she's wrinkly, with a beard, and wearing inco pads.
If the bonding isn't so strong and a young couple start a family the stress is high. Add a few stone to the wife (and a generally run down appearance) and physically he will not be attracted to her and most liable to opt out.
I'm sure many people consider this shallow but I believe it's just nature. Women on the other hand constantly complain about partners being scruffy, lacking in hygiene etc. On the physical side, being short I guess is the equivalent of being fat. It doesn't rule you out from a relationship but you'll likely get less 'offers'.
I also think men feel being fat is a choice. Women might feel living like a slob is a choice. Both could 'improve' their situation with a huge effort, but that might mean essentially living your life for someone else. I'm scruffy and disorganised. I could improve but it's really hard. I would not pair well with someone who liked a tidy home. (I've tried it). I've tried it. I was miserable.
In your situation if finding a partner is important you have 2 choices. Lose a bit of weight to increase your 'marketability', or stay as you are an target specific 'buyers'.
I guess the real challenge is when things change within a relationship.

I don't think a size 14-16 is obese, firstly - you're being hard on yourself there OP.

Surely it's more to do with the whole package? I've always had attention off men - from being a size 14 to a 10, I've always fluctuated.

What can I say? I'm sex on legs 🤷‍♀️

Yes it did shock me
@DiddyHeck .
I've always taught my kids that they will not be everyone's cup of tea both in personality and physically and that's ok. It's to be expected, accepted and respected but on the same note, some will not be their cups of tea either .
The idea that the majority of men do not find obese women attractive dodnshock me because I always in my naivetie believed that we all have different tastes and preferences and the idea that obese women were singled out was just shit to me also.

I think it's a lot less simple than that!
I'm 52 and slim. I think I look 52.
I think if I put on 2 stone I'd look less healthy and thus older.

Blonde hair - stronger bones? I've not heard that link. How does that work

I have a friend who is on the bigger side. She dresses well and her hair and make up are always spot on (think Glenda on Coronation st who always looks amazing)
This friend is never short of male attention and has been known to have men fighting over her in her younger years 😉
She is big with a big personality and men love her

Yeah when I lost a lot of weight mine own sister told me she never use to invite me out when I was fat because she thought I wouldn’t be “comfortable” 🙄 more like she didn’t want to be seen with me.

I agree. I am not in the least bit attracted to fat blokes. It really is that simple.

It’s interesting the general theory that in our 20s we’re attracted to people based on their reproductive potential, which I’m sure is true to a large extent.

I’m now in my mid 50s and I think at this age people probably focus more on health. The men I’d find attractive are non smokers, not overweight (but no need for amazing bodies), eat reasonably healthily, do some exercise, stable job etc. I don’t want to be visiting my partner on the coronary care unit or be widowed in my 60s.

What a twat

theres an African tribe for example and they make sure the bigger the woman the more men want to marry her and it’s seen as a huge attractiveness for them

so don’t let it put you off

Just remember BMI and overweight/obese etc. is a load of bollocks - people of the same BMI will have radically different body shapes. I believe Brad Pitt and George Clooney are in or have been in the overweight and obese categories.. and plenty of people seem to find them pretty hot! Please try not to get sucked into all this nonsense around there only being one acceptable way to be attractive anyway - it's such toxic nonsense.

Thing is it really depends on what you are defining as "obese".

Obese starts from BMI of 30 which for most people is actually only a couple of stone out of their healthy weight range, yet I guarantee if you use the word obese in conversation, most people are picturing somebody who is 100lbs or more overweight.

Isn’t it the same the other way round? How often are women attracted to obese men?

The point of attraction is that you are physically attracted to someone. If it’s someone you’ve just met, physical looks do play a huge part in that. If it’s someone you’ve got to know, that can lead to attraction. But it’s not really surprising news that looks play a big part in attraction.

It all depends on how overweight IMO.

People vary in what build they find attractive but we are definitely programmed to find “healthy” attractive. So some may prefer “slim” build, some may prefer “chunky” , but beyond a certain weight, when it is clearly unhealthy (in caveman terms “can’t forage easily” rather than “a bit of extra to see you through the winter”) I imagine this would become unattractive to most.

Being somewhat overweight has been deemed attractive in many historical eras and cultures. Being so overweight it affects your daily life - not so much.

Men are also attracted to signs of youth (= fertility) which in general does mean slimmer.

I agree with this

I would think it is a fairly even split on women and men attracted to people with larger body proportions. Most women would 'choose' a man with a 'healthy range' BMI.