Men not being attracted to obese women

[itchyhands3]

I've just watched a video by an' expert' emphatically saying that men do not as a rule find obese women attractive unless they have a specific fetish for obese women.

I don't know what to think for I would be considered obese on scales but certainly don't feel I look obese and consider myself relatively attractive and some men have expressed attraction towards me
.
I'm 5'7' and over thirteen and a half stone . Size 14-16 .I am 49.
This has really unsettled me for some reason. How insulting . But is it true ?

And perhaps give yourself a chance by not comparing yourself with friends you consider more attractive. When men tell you to move aside because they want to talk to your “attractive” friends do those friends defend you or do they giggle and get chatting with the bastard? If the latter they are not your friends. You might sometimes try going out with other friends with whom you don’t compare yourself and you might see a difference in how you feel about yourself and the way you are treated.

I’m understand you couldn’t possible know the whole story.
But your comments are so cruel.
I don’t shame myself, I’m being vulnerable and speaking my truth.
I’m sorry if honestly is difficult for you and I say it one more time, since it seems to be impossible for people to comprehend: there can be women out here, who no man wants - no matter how ’not picky’ they may be.
I will not go into details about my looks, I do wash and brush and moisturize and have new clothes, weight has been all over the place - no change.
The problems are out of my hands, it’s a mix of genes and things that has happened and shaped my appearances.

I know this a taboo topic.
Please do not insult me futher.
I’m not sitting at my home unwashed in dirty nail demanding someone to love me and whining on MN just for the hell of it.
Try and understand that you don’t know everything and we all have our journeys or whatever.
I got dealt with shitty cards, no need to kick me down more.

It would not be morbidly obese for a lot of heights. Clinically obese yes, but not morbidly, or ‘very’

@NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs

I'm sorry but what an earth are you on about!? How have I kicked you down and been cruel???? I said it was sad and I offered my sympathy to you because you are shaming yourself by calling yourself fat and ugly.

I have not once shamed, been cruel, or kicked you down.

Multiple people here on here have tried to say kind things to you, and offered advice that may help. You are the one shaming yourself deeming yourself unlovable, ugly, fat and much more.

You seem hard work tbh.
I do feel sad and empathise with you.
But the way you view things and your glass half empty pessimism isn't going to get you anywhere. If you take small steps to change your point of view and negative attitude mentally, and if you can, and it's not medical, take steps to lose weight, there are things that can make you feel better about yourself. IE losing weight, colouring or cutting your hair, polishing your nails and looking after your teeth etc. nobody is going to do that for you, you have to start somewhere and that somewhere is with yourself.

@NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs

Critiquing yourself in such a negative way isn't attractive in itself. You have shamed yourself on this thread and it's sad to see, and others are sad for you.

I really should read the whole comment.
You have no idea what you’re talking about.
This goes way beyond hair and teeth.
Read my comment, the one before this.

No one has been nice to me.
All they have done is not believe me, think that I don’t polish my nails (like what?) or brush my hair.

I do not shame myself, I’ve told the situation I am in. I don’t call myself any names, I’m telling honestly the situation. Get that already.

Bless all the people who think it’s as simple as cutting hair and brushing teeth.

@NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs

I think your rudeness probably isn't helping your situation. It's not a race to the bottom. That in itself is an unattractive trait!

No one has said it's as simple as sorting out hair and teeth.

it can help you feel a bit better about yourself though?

@NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs.

Wish you’d told me in the begging that you’re just trolling.

Jesus christ what a waste of time this turned out to be.

Seriously, trolls beed to let people know!

Has it occurred to anyone that @NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs is giving her lived experience? Dismissing her doesn't help her situation.
Some people do have barriers that make being conventionally attractive difficult (I am thinking severe facial disfigurement for example, apologies if I am way off the mark) Can we just stop with the 'get a hair cut and get your nails done ' and absorb what she is saying?

Literally the comments aimed at me has said that.

Although now I think it was the one troll, they sure have a thing for nails.

Not sure about feeling better, I guess a little, but changed nothing.

Thank you!

I'm not dismissing her at all. I read her posts and it made me really sad that another woman could feel that low about herself.

I mentioned the hair and nails etc so she could maybe feel a bit better in herself. As when I'm having a shit day, making my hair look nice or painting my nails makes me feel a bit better. That's literally all I was trying to say. But she has called me cruel, nasty, a troll and kicking her while I'm down.

I'm not dismissing her as it's very obvious from her replies to me and others that that's how she genuinely feels about herself. I haven't doubted that at all. It's very obvious there's a lot more to unpick here than painted nails and a hair trim. But she is now just being rude.

@M340 I get it, it just seemed like people jumped on her with helpful suggestions and drowned out what she was actually saying, which is sadly that some people will never be conventionally attractive to the opposite sex.

@NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs

I mean you literally called yourself a swamp monster. But I'm the one shaming, trolling and being unkind and kicking you when you're down? All I did was pitch an idea which makes me feel better when I feel shit about myself but ok!

@M340

How have I’ve been rude?
For saying that you clearly won’t hear what I’m saying?
I do thing you were trolling, but that’s hardly an insult, specially since you just went on and on and on about nails, at the time you said nothing about pick-me-up’s.
It was a cruel retort after me opening up how this is about genes and past events.
I’ve explained many times, the best that I could and all you did was ignore everything and pretty much say it’s all my fault (if you try to deny this, yes you were more long-winded).
You helped me in no way, don’t try and act that you were trying to be kind, no one can be that done-deaf.

Look. There's a huge difference in opening up and calling yourself fat, ugly and a swamp monster.

I did hear you. I acknowledged what you said, and I wrote that I felt sad and empathise that you felt that way about yourself.

I said what I said because I have days where I hate what I look like. I look like a shell of what I used to and it's fucking miserable. I just posted some things that made me feel better and may make others feel better. It's really not that deep. But you're picking parts of my reply like it's a race to the bottom and sabotaging yourself on this thread and anyone and everyone's replies aren't good enough for you.

Skin stretched more = fewer wrinkles and sagging.

Are you joking in the sense that I've written a virtual essay about numerous things that could help you, and the only, the only thing you see is the completely irrelevant half stone I'm working on myself.

Again:

What are you doing to help yourself to feel less unhappy?

@DHsPoorBack

I had the same. Wrote a long reply about certain things that help lift my mood when I'm feeling down, and got told I'm kicking her down, a troll, I'm cruel and unkind, and I'm tone-deaf and implied that I can't read

People like that just race to the bottom.

@NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs On the basis that you are giving tiny hints that "something has happened" to affect your appearance. I get it's not our place to ask what that might be, but you do understand that this is a thread about obese women, and general standards of appearance and attractiveness, so that's what people are talking about.

If you're on a thread about obesity and what perceptions that brings, and keep saying "no one will find me attractive" because you are in fact talking about something off topic to the thread, but haven't explained this, then it's uncalled for to bite everyone's head off because they are none the wiser, and why would they be? They are trying to help the situation they presume you are in, because you have commented on a thread specifically about that situation.

Sniping at everyone that they are unhelpful, because you are not talking about the same situation, but not really alluding to that, just using weird and vague phrases like "I'm a swamp monster" (big? hairy? green?!!) is equally unhelpful.

I think @NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs was initially just making the point that in her experience there are some women who are too unattractive for men to want in any capacity, hence its not correct to say that men will have sex with 'anything'. I'm not sure the point was to seek tips to feel better, rather to contribute her opinion on the subject from her experiences.
Its difficult to conceive of someone so ugly no one would ever want them. Given potential partners could be found amongst other equally unattractive people, people who don't care about looks, or more unconventional people who may find it difficult to date for other reasons. A shallower pond undoubtedly, but not impossible.
Its also fair to say that when your appearance doesn't help you, your personality needs to do all the heavy lifting. Which is a tough call when you feel defeated and miserable and your self esteem is on the floor.

Fewer wrinkles maybe but less sagging??

You've got to be joking surely?

It really depends. Some people's fat doesn't sag.

I once witnessed a man trying to shag the bench at a bus stop once. I do think he was drugged up to the eyeballs on spice or whatever at the time though but i couldn't believe what I had seen.