Men not being attracted to obese women

[itchyhands3]

I've just watched a video by an' expert' emphatically saying that men do not as a rule find obese women attractive unless they have a specific fetish for obese women.

I don't know what to think for I would be considered obese on scales but certainly don't feel I look obese and consider myself relatively attractive and some men have expressed attraction towards me
.
I'm 5'7' and over thirteen and a half stone . Size 14-16 .I am 49.
This has really unsettled me for some reason. How insulting . But is it true ?

As a previous poster has said, I’m not sexually attracted to obese men, so I can understand it.
If my husband became obese I would of course still love and most likely desire to be with him but that’s because I’m already in love with him. I’m also not attracted at all to the really muscular/wrestler type body. If my husband because insanely buff and thick to the point where t-shirts looked all tight and ridiculous ans had a massive neck, the same would be true. I’d still be with him but probably wouldn’t have gone with him. I suppose we all have our preferences. The article is a bit stating the obvious to me to be honest.

Yes, I think it's true. It's an unconscious bias. Men have been bombarded with what attractive means from childhood and its become hardwired. Unconscious bias is a huge driver in every part of our lives. Almost no thought we have comes without a bias behind it and unless we challenge ourselves consciously those biases stick.

However, I wouldn't class your weight and size as obese. It may be in medical terms but at your height I imagine you look just normal really.

Whenever I've been overweight men have not found me attractive. I'm the biggest I've ever been now and feel lucky I have a partner!

When men open the door for me, I really don’t assume it’s because they think I’m attractive. I just happen to be in proximity when they’re opening the door.

Did the attractive men want to be in a relationship with you or just a shag?

Well what I was saying is the treatment that poster was talking about (men apparently falling over themselves everywhere to open doors, carry items, and deliver packages into the home) I don’t experience now, slim. So I don’t think I’d notice if I was fat and men weren’t doing these things because they don’t do them for me now!

However, I wouldn't class your weight and size as obese. It may be in medical terms but at your height I imagine you look just normal really.

Obesity isn't a look or level of attractiveness. If your BMI is 30 or over, you are obese.

It's smaller than a lot of people think. We aren't necessarily talking about morbid obesity.

I put DH in and it said his weight should range from 10st 8lbs to 14st 3lbs, he’s 6’3, how is he ever going to be 10st 8lb 😂

Clearly the low end of the BMI range isn't what's healthy for your DH.
My very lean, tall early 20s son was definitely at the lower end and if he stopped all the weights work he does he'd probably naturally go down to that again (I don't know what he weighs, but he's built muscle and filled out). He's perfectly healthy.

When you're fat (or when I'm fat) I might be in proximity when they're opening the door, but they might absentmindedly shut it in my face, but when I'm thin that door would definitely stay open for me. It may not necessarily be that they find thin attractive, but many think fat is not worthy of respect.

I came on here to say something sensible but this has covered it nicely 😂

For me it wasn’t so much opening doors etc but men would definitely offer to help me more I had offers to help with bags/ lifting things. The difference between being fat and slim for me is such a huge thing it would be hard to not notice the extra attention, especially when I put it back on again and it all stopped again! But it was more just being treated better in general.

Im not offended by the idea that someone wouldn't be attracted to me at my current size, but might if I were smaller, I am not attracted to men of a similar size to me, you can't MAKE yourself be attracted to someone if you're not.

On the other hand, I have always been fat, overweight, obese... as an adult I have never not been.

I have not struggled to find a partner since the age of 17. Not once. I have been single for around a year twice since 2007, out of choice, because my mental health was very very bad, but otherwise... nope, not an issue and it is only my current DP who is overweight and he's got that way after 17 years together (plus, addition of driving licence and vehicle and him giving up cycling!). The rest have been generally tall and slim!

I think a lot is down to behaviour and attitude, and of course much is down to the type you're attracted to as well - if your thing is highly sculpted gym-addicts who eat clean and run everywhere, the chances are they're not going to go for a very overweight or obese partner.

I've also never gone out LOOKING for a partner - I have met them all in the course of doing other things, which is probably another reason I have never had an issue, they've got to know me for me, rather than selecting a person based initially on appearances.

I love your last sentence and agree with it, however, I am not sure many men are attracted to piles of leaves. Being shaggable isn't necessarily the same as being objectively attractive.

I used to be much slimmer, due to doing a lot of sport.

I have put on weight since having young kids, similar to you, OP, 5 ft 7, 12 stone 9.

I lost some weight last year (now back on) and I did notice that I was getting more attention from men in daily encounters - doors held open etc, although I wondered if it was becuase I felt better in myself, took more pride in my appearance etc. Judging from a lot of these responses, maybe note, maybe was just purely the weight loss

DP and I got together when I was much slimmer. Around 9 stone.

Due to having young kids we don't get much time for romance. But it's not for lack of trying on his part; he is willing and ready wherever, whenever..... I had assumed it was because he was still very attracted to me, but as men will apparently shag piles of leaves, "exhausted pipes" and jars of peanut butter, I'm now feeling a bit shit 😂

I’d be more bothered about my health than being found attractive or otherwise by any man. I’m overweight and definitely had more interest from men when I was slimmer - but I’m losing weight for my health. Anything aesthetic is just a pleasant side effect IMO.

Not prejudice. Preference. And perfectly valid.

I am a 14 currently and have yo yo'd between size 12 and 18. The attention I received has not changed much at all.

My face is attractive, not conventionally pretty at all, but I laugh, alot. And my voice is a lower timbre than most and I had a lot of curly hair. My weight was secondary.

Now I am older, i have cut my hair to a blunt, shaggy bob. I look more chic and the attitude of men has changed, more deferential. As I am 50, I like this stage.

For those who have never been asked on a date, that makes me sad. Every pot has a lid and that is shit you haven't found yours yet.

yes, being treated better by both men and women.

I once got so thin that I got welcomed into the "in" crowd of women who considered themselves so lovely that they couldn't even speak to or look at fatter women.

The weird thing though was that bigger women didn't want me in their group anymore because they seemed to feel uncomfortable with a thin person, as though they were expecting me to judge them or something.

It is the weirdest thing to have a thin body but a fat mind (I mean with memories of having been fat) because you're the same person internally but your experience of the world is so different that it's like being in an alternative universe.

You watched a video by an 'expert' and you think it is true?

What sort of expert were they - research scientist or bloke in his bedroom making stuff up?

I mean I wouldn’t find an obese man attractive? I don’t think people inherently do.

we are animals at the end of the day and we are attracted to people that complement our genes and it’s survival of the fittest, right? An obese person isn’t fit, ergo, not attractive.

not immediately anyway. As much as we are animals, we also have personalities and attraction can therefore grow based on that and you can see past it.

What men are attracted to, and who some men will enter into a relationship with, are not the same thing. Some men will prioritise sex so much that looks and weight are low on their list.

In general though, the 'expert' I think is right.

Don't think they did!
I read it in the local paper (now long gone). The woman lived about three doors up, opposite me, I didn't know her. There was some detail in the account, I think. I've lived in my house since 1997, it could have been any time since then.

Well yes. Men paid me less attention when I was overweight. It was quite nice actually, I don't really feel validated by having men find me attractive.

Similarly I get less attention now I'm getting old. Again it's nice, less inappropriate touching on public transport and gross comments.

I am a size 18 and can confirm that this is true. It’s not insulting, it’s just how things are. I do not find fat men attractive at all so assume it’s the same on both sides. I lost weight a few years ago and got down to a fourteen and got lots of attention.

Absolutely 💯! Do it for you!

Well he's decided that because obese women are abhorrent, that to fancy them is a fetish rather than a normal preference.

So if you take away the F word, men don't fancy obese women unless that their preference.

Or change it up.

Men don't fancy skinny women unless they have a specific fetish for skinny women.

Men don't fancy women with perky breasts unless they have a specific fetish for perky breasts.

It's all just choice.

Statistically, you could probably say "more men are attracted to women who are dress size 8-14 than 18-24 but it doesn't mean the latter group are just disgusting pigs no one would ever want to shag / marry / spend a life with.