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Original poster

Man ive been on 2 dates with has updated his OLD profile

205 replies

Hotvimto3 · 18/04/2023 22:05

Just that... two dates, daily phone calls and texting. Forming a nice friendship, attraction there ... we both said. Just saw online that hes updated his dating profile with all new pictures. Its a delete and block now isnt it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 12:46

Update: he msg me and I said I was confused as to why he updated his profile when we speak so much, have been making plans etc. Told him that it feels like hes looking for something better as he had not made it clear that he was dating a few people and honestly I dont know where he would have found the time.

He said hes seeing another woman and doesnt know if he even wants a relationship with anyone. So im not going into competition with the other woman until he decides what he wants.

In the future, I fully expect people to stay on the app, I always do but I think Ill have to have a conversation about my being happy to date others if im clear about it from the start, although at date no 3 I would think there would be some reigning it in with others.

Once I sleep with someone though Im clear that it needs to be exclusive. And im not sure i want to date someone that is already sleeping with someone, infact I dont.

OP posts:
Fififafa · 19/04/2023 12:50

If it’s any consolation, at least you now know you were right. Onwards and upwards.

Softoprider · 19/04/2023 12:50

What a shame he did not tell you about the other woman six weeks ago. Timewaster

Wheretostarteh · 19/04/2023 12:50

Good for you OP! I applaud anyone that sticks up for themselves and asks for clarity when it comes to their emotions being hurt by another. He sounds like a complete time waster and atleast you’ve found out now (especially as he’s saying he doesn’t want a relationship- what does he expect when you’ve been in daily
contact and 2 dates? - odd).

harriethoyle · 19/04/2023 12:53

A bullet dodged OP. Well done for acting on your gut instincts

gerbilcrocus · 19/04/2023 12:59

Agreed, I had 10 dates in one day it was hilarious 😆 the bar man in the pub was like what are you doing! I hated coffee by the end of the day but I had three people to take onto the next stage.

Bloody hell... 10 dates in a day! And I thought I was struggling to keep up with my OLD experience!

Batcountry8 · 19/04/2023 13:34

Nah he's only had interest from the other woman v recently, hence probably updated his pics to impress.
And why not, BUT I am sure if he doesn't get along with this other date he'll be back.
But you will have moved on.

Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 14:30

Batcountry8 · 19/04/2023 13:34

Nah he's only had interest from the other woman v recently, hence probably updated his pics to impress.
And why not, BUT I am sure if he doesn't get along with this other date he'll be back.
But you will have moved on.

I think you are right, the vibe all changed pretty quickly.

OP posts:
Nagado · 19/04/2023 14:34

He said hes seeing another woman and doesnt know if he even wants a relationship with anyone. So im not going into competition with the other woman until he decides what he wants. God, this used to annoy me so much! If you’re not sure whether you want a relationship with anyone, then make it very clear in your profile that you’re only looking for casual dating. Don’t start talking to someone who IS looking for a relationship, love bomb them, introduce them to family members, message them daily and give them the impression that a relationship is possibly on the cards for the future. It’s just bloody rude!

OP, good for you, I think you absolutely did the right thing. You listened to your instincts and you were bang on. I really hope that the other woman he’s seeing does the same thing. If he comes back and tries it on again, please don’t respond to him. That love bombing at the start really is a big neon warning sign that you’re about to be ghosted, isn’t it?

Over40Overdating · 19/04/2023 14:45

@Hotvimto3 your instincts were right! I’d bet it would be news to the other woman he’s seeing that he’s been in daily contact with someone else too.

The ‘I don’t know if I want a relationship with anyone’ response despite the apparent effort to keep you (and the other person) interested is the standard response of men using OLD to feel like the oldest swinger in town with endless options to boost his ego.

He will be back with a sob story when he hits a dry spell - tell him to fuck off!

YouWithoutEnd · 19/04/2023 14:55

I think you’ve overreacted, I would take it as a given that someone is probably still at least talking to other people on the apps, if not actually meeting up, until the point where things had progressed enough with me that we’d discussed pausing/or getting rid of the apps completely.

I’d still have updated my profile pics even after going on a few dates with the same person. If we’ve not discussed exclusivity, then we’re not exclusive, and so any expectations of exclusivity are unfounded.

xfan · 19/04/2023 15:07

Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 12:46

Update: he msg me and I said I was confused as to why he updated his profile when we speak so much, have been making plans etc. Told him that it feels like hes looking for something better as he had not made it clear that he was dating a few people and honestly I dont know where he would have found the time.

He said hes seeing another woman and doesnt know if he even wants a relationship with anyone. So im not going into competition with the other woman until he decides what he wants.

In the future, I fully expect people to stay on the app, I always do but I think Ill have to have a conversation about my being happy to date others if im clear about it from the start, although at date no 3 I would think there would be some reigning it in with others.

Once I sleep with someone though Im clear that it needs to be exclusive. And im not sure i want to date someone that is already sleeping with someone, infact I dont.

You can state state whatever you want, that once you sleep with someone it needs to be exclusive etc. Whatever other criteria you may have, and they can politely nod their head at the time and go out tomorrow night and sleep with someone else. At the end of the day you cannot control someone else's behaviour. If someone wants to be with you, they will, and if they don't they won't. Most men understand that most women want a relationship and it's not hard for them to obtain one and how. They are very well versed in the sex being on eof the factors for being exclusive.

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 19/04/2023 15:13

DHsPoorBack · 19/04/2023 12:16

Except that's not what happened at all. It's not because he went on the app. It's because he changed his profile. As in upped his marketing for other matches. Not what you do if you are interested in someone you're currently dating.

The people that do this are very much "yeah I like you, but also seeing if something better comes along in the meantime".

Apparently, loads of people would be ok with this (on Mumsnet). Meanwhile, OP in the real world has got the hint.

Show quote history

I see nothing wrong with seeing someone twice and still keeping your options open. I get OP thinks she is so incredibly amazing that the man should after two dates think that it isn't humanly possible to meet anyone else who would be a match but that isn't real life for 99.9% of the population. Most of us are still only getting to know someone to see how we will feel about them after two dates. It isn't personal - odds are that OP isn't the one. He has no idea if OP will ghost him tomorrow or if his interest in her will continue to grow in time or if there is someone else looking right now who would be more compatable than OP. As it turns out, he made the right decision as they clearly aren't compatible. He doesn't want an exclusive committed relationshp after 2 dates. OP feels she deserves him to be fully committed and exclusive after two dates. She wasted his time by not being clear up front that any guy who dates her has to be all in and only into her from that moment forward.

Frankola · 19/04/2023 15:22

I don't understand why you'd delete him? You're not in an exclusive relationship are you?

Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 15:28

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 19/04/2023 15:13

I see nothing wrong with seeing someone twice and still keeping your options open. I get OP thinks she is so incredibly amazing that the man should after two dates think that it isn't humanly possible to meet anyone else who would be a match but that isn't real life for 99.9% of the population. Most of us are still only getting to know someone to see how we will feel about them after two dates. It isn't personal - odds are that OP isn't the one. He has no idea if OP will ghost him tomorrow or if his interest in her will continue to grow in time or if there is someone else looking right now who would be more compatable than OP. As it turns out, he made the right decision as they clearly aren't compatible. He doesn't want an exclusive committed relationshp after 2 dates. OP feels she deserves him to be fully committed and exclusive after two dates. She wasted his time by not being clear up front that any guy who dates her has to be all in and only into her from that moment forward.

Show quote history

Ha ha incredibly amazing 👏

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/04/2023 15:36

Hotvimto3

so he’s seeing another woman and is trawling online ! And doesn’t know what he wants 🥱

i think you have your answer there to be honest

I’d just delete and fade tbh if you like him

Over40Overdating · 19/04/2023 15:39

@Whatsthefrequencykenny i think your misogyny has blunted your reading skills. Absolutely no where does the OP say a single thing you’ve accused her of.

And she does sound amazing actually. You, on the other hand…

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 19/04/2023 15:46

Over40Overdating · 19/04/2023 15:39

@Whatsthefrequencykenny i think your misogyny has blunted your reading skills. Absolutely no where does the OP say a single thing you’ve accused her of.

And she does sound amazing actually. You, on the other hand…

So when you can't make a point you just decide to make up a personal attack... if that is all you have, name call away. What other hate do you want to send my way? You can misuse words like misogyny to your hearts content if you think it makes you look some certain way. Maybe you need to call me abusive and controlling and a narcissist to to get your daily name calling quota in?

She has said everything I wrote. She went on two dates and expected him to be a in committed exclusive relationship with her. She went on the app to check up on him to be sure he was committed to her and found out he was still active on the app and so she blocked him and deleted his number since he wasn't exclusive and only about her OP is not a victim.

Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 15:49

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 19/04/2023 15:46

So when you can't make a point you just decide to make up a personal attack... if that is all you have, name call away. What other hate do you want to send my way? You can misuse words like misogyny to your hearts content if you think it makes you look some certain way. Maybe you need to call me abusive and controlling and a narcissist to to get your daily name calling quota in?

She has said everything I wrote. She went on two dates and expected him to be a in committed exclusive relationship with her. She went on the app to check up on him to be sure he was committed to her and found out he was still active on the app and so she blocked him and deleted his number since he wasn't exclusive and only about her OP is not a victim.

Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣🤣 im absolutely not a victim

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 15:53

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/04/2023 15:36

Hotvimto3

so he’s seeing another woman and is trawling online ! And doesn’t know what he wants 🥱

i think you have your answer there to be honest

I’d just delete and fade tbh if you like him

I know, thats what i am doing xx

OP posts:
DHsPoorBack · 19/04/2023 15:58

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 19/04/2023 15:13

I see nothing wrong with seeing someone twice and still keeping your options open. I get OP thinks she is so incredibly amazing that the man should after two dates think that it isn't humanly possible to meet anyone else who would be a match but that isn't real life for 99.9% of the population. Most of us are still only getting to know someone to see how we will feel about them after two dates. It isn't personal - odds are that OP isn't the one. He has no idea if OP will ghost him tomorrow or if his interest in her will continue to grow in time or if there is someone else looking right now who would be more compatable than OP. As it turns out, he made the right decision as they clearly aren't compatible. He doesn't want an exclusive committed relationshp after 2 dates. OP feels she deserves him to be fully committed and exclusive after two dates. She wasted his time by not being clear up front that any guy who dates her has to be all in and only into her from that moment forward.

Show quote history

Are you not understanding the thread?

What a weird load of stuff you just made up there.

Literally, OP thought she had a connection. A good one. She then saw he had revamped his profile, and took that as an indication that he probably wasn't overly interested on her, and was a bit gutted because she thought there was big potential and he didn't. So she has blocked and moved on.

And from that, you've got that OP was furious that he didn't find her fabulous, declare exclusivity and immediately delete his profile, and is sulking somewhere, presumably with her head wedged firmly up her arse.

Right o.

DHsPoorBack · 19/04/2023 15:59

She has said everything I wrote. She went on two dates and expected him to be a in committed exclusive relationship with her.

No. She didn't write that.

And if that's all you can understand, despite the words that are written, there's not much any of us can do about that.

Over40Overdating · 19/04/2023 16:03

@Whatsthefrequencykenny you seem very keen to read things into what people write so you can get irate and rant at them. Maybe try AIBU if you need to fight?

5128gap · 19/04/2023 16:06

I would. But then I'm from a time where you tended to only date one person at a time. I'm showing my age in a big way here, but I couldn't get on board with having all these multiple options going at once. If I liked someone enough for repeated dates, daily contact etc, I'd probably have a bit of patience to see where it went before lining up a load of alternatives, or looking over their shoulder for FOMO on a better bet. I'd expect the same in return. Which with my DP is what I got.

Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 16:08

Im actually feeling ok about it now. I was upset last night but I know where I stand now. I will be clearer online and need to not fall for the love bombing. But im glad that I trusted my gut and its ended now.
Tbf we havnt even ended on bad terms just agreed its not for us. Hes free to do whatevever and Ill do my thing.
Its just a battlefield this OLD ha.

OP posts:
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