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Original poster

Man ive been on 2 dates with has updated his OLD profile

205 replies

Hotvimto3 · 18/04/2023 22:05

Just that... two dates, daily phone calls and texting. Forming a nice friendship, attraction there ... we both said. Just saw online that hes updated his dating profile with all new pictures. Its a delete and block now isnt it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 05:58

BlastedPimples · 19/04/2023 05:48

So when he contacts you again what will you say?

I dont think he is going to

OP posts:
gerbilcrocus · 19/04/2023 06:04

DHsPoorBack · 18/04/2023 22:58

I think there's some confusion. OP isn't miffed that he hasn't deleted his profile after 2 dates. OP is rightly miffed that after two dates, and she thought there might be potential, that he's put up an updated new profile.

He's upped his advertising so to speak, which he would be doing if he intended to progress with OP.

I agree. If I was starting to date someone where I saw potential, I wouldn't be thinking of upgrading my profile.

Given the OP's description of where things are, I'd have been seeing this as a proto-relationship beginning to be formed. It's different to a quick coffee date after a few days of intermittent Tinder chat.

ChairFloorWall · 19/04/2023 06:23
Hmm
MiddleAgedAndExhausted · 19/04/2023 06:34

There's a situation where people have been on two dates and keep dating or looking for other people. There's nothing wrong with that.
Then there's a situation where there have been two dates, lots of texting, laughing and talking, the meeting of friends etc and the feeling of a genuine connection. If it's the latter and someone is updating their pics, they aren't feeling the connection you are.

You definitely did the right thing, OP.

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 19/04/2023 06:36

gerbilcrocus · 19/04/2023 06:04

I agree. If I was starting to date someone where I saw potential, I wouldn't be thinking of upgrading my profile.

Given the OP's description of where things are, I'd have been seeing this as a proto-relationship beginning to be formed. It's different to a quick coffee date after a few days of intermittent Tinder chat.

Show quote history

Two dates isn’t potential for a commitment. Nothing wrong with keeping your options open at the two date mark.

Online dating isn’t linear. People come and go on the apps all the time so if you see someone who you want to meet then nothing wrong with meeting them, even if you went on two dates with someone else.

If OP requires an exclusive commitment from the time of meeting then she needs to put that on her profile and let people know that if they meet her, she expects a full commitment and that they are now in an exclusive relationship. And that she will be monitoring the app to be sure they haven’t gone online while in this committed relationship with her.

Darhon · 19/04/2023 06:49

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 19/04/2023 05:50

You have a pretty big ego to thing someone owes you an exclusive commitment after two dates. This sounds like you are a bit stalker ish. He isn’t allowed to speak to any other women, you are checking up on him. Etc You feel he is supposed to be yours and only yours and that he is now cheating on you….

He dodged a bullet by you immaturely deleting the app and his number.

It’s not a good sign. Lived experience of those of us who have OLD. She didn’t think she was his girlfriend or that they were exclusive or that he should delete the app, just that they were connecting. Updating your profile pics, is just general code for ‘not happy with who I’ve met so far, let’s have a refresh’. Stop being patronising.

Zanatdy · 19/04/2023 06:50

It’s the norm to date other people when you’re OLD unless you’ve had that exclusive chat.

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 19/04/2023 06:53

Darhon · 19/04/2023 06:49

It’s not a good sign. Lived experience of those of us who have OLD. She didn’t think she was his girlfriend or that they were exclusive or that he should delete the app, just that they were connecting. Updating your profile pics, is just general code for ‘not happy with who I’ve met so far, let’s have a refresh’. Stop being patronising.

Show quote history

In what way did she not expect him to be exclusive? She deleted his number because he went on the app. That is expecting an exclusive commitment. She checked the app to see if he had gone in it since going on a date with him and was upset he did and blocked him for it. That is expecting an exclusive commitment.

He was being not exclusive and she decided that meant he was done. She does expect an exclusive commitment form date 1 and should put that in her profile.

ThirdWorld · 19/04/2023 06:54

SophiaElizabethGrace · 18/04/2023 22:12

I know may sound crazy but I would delete. In my (huge) experience of OLD , it only ever really means one thing, he's just not into you. I personally wouldn't waste anymore time.

I agree.

Was OLD for 5 years, I met a date I really liked and after the first date I wanted to show a friend his picture, but he had gone. Initially thought he'd deleted me.

On our second date I asked him why he had deleted me, he said that he'd actually deleted the app as he thought we might become something.

I deleted the app too as soon as I got home.

That was 8 months ago and we're still seeing each other.

So yes, sadly, he ain't that into you.

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 19/04/2023 06:58

And I have been on the apps and if a guy has Op views that after one date I am not going to go back on the app and that he will check and if he finds out I showed any interest in anyone but him he will block me immediately…yeah I want to know that. That may be your dream guy but it isn’t mine.

ThirdWorld · 19/04/2023 07:00

Just read all your updates. Well done for deleting him, very very unusual to see someone with decent standards on mumsnet!!

I feel your pain. Fucking time waster indeed!!

heartbroken40 · 19/04/2023 07:30

As usual there's a massive difference in opinions between those of us who have actually done OLD and those who haven't. Real life experience tells me that he wasn't that into you, probably would have gone for another date but if a "better" one came along, he would have dropped you.

Many of us know when we meet someone special and we're not going to mess it up by changing our photos

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 19/04/2023 07:42

heartbroken40 · 19/04/2023 07:30

As usual there's a massive difference in opinions between those of us who have actually done OLD and those who haven't. Real life experience tells me that he wasn't that into you, probably would have gone for another date but if a "better" one came along, he would have dropped you.

Many of us know when we meet someone special and we're not going to mess it up by changing our photos

It isn’t at all between who has been on the apps and who hasn’t. I would say you are actually in the minority on the apps in expecting exclusivity from Date 1. The majority of people on the apps are keeping their options open and talking to more than one person until well past two dates . Expecting exclusivity from Date 1 is definitely not the norm. Most people don’t consider two dates enough for a commitment, they consider it getting to know someone and most are fine with getting to know more than one person at a time.

HappyTrance · 19/04/2023 07:45

I agree this means he isn’t interested. If he wanted to see you again, he would be chatting away with you and arranging another date not updating his profile.

Mirabai · 19/04/2023 07:45

I don’t think I could cope with a guy who expected me to be exclusive after 2 dates. How would I know at that point? I’d want to keep my options open until I knew which way it was going.

As you can see from the thread some people continue to date others for a few dates until they decided to go exclusive with a person and some don’t. There’s no right and wrong, just different styles.

Costaflatwhite · 19/04/2023 07:52

2 dates is nothing! I didn't delete my OLD profile for ages when I was dating my (now) husband who I met online. A lot people will be speaking to several people online at the same time and probably going on dates with several people, until one develops into something more serious (2 dates is not serious!). If you haven't had the exclusive talk then he's done nothing wrong.

GoneTillNovember · 19/04/2023 08:02

If I met someone and thought there could be something special there I wouldn't be messing about on my profile trying to attract other dates. I'd expect the same from a date tbh. Regardless of how many dates or how long. Can't get my head around the OLD way of thinking at all.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 19/04/2023 08:09

So glad I did my dating before the Internet was a thing 🤣🤣

harriethoyle · 19/04/2023 08:09

SophiaElizabethGrace · 18/04/2023 22:12

I know may sound crazy but I would delete. In my (huge) experience of OLD , it only ever really means one thing, he's just not into you. I personally wouldn't waste anymore time.

Yes. I agree. It's one thing still being on the apps, it's another actively updating. I had an OLD ask me if I liked his new profile photo!! Didn't block, he turned out to be a timewaster. Lesson learned...

Whereas when I met DH, no thought of being on the apps as soon as we met and deleted after date 3 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nolosomi · 19/04/2023 08:12

You did exactly the right thing OP! I wish I’d known my rank ex had still been fishing as I found out a lot later into our ‘exclusive’, ‘soulmate’, aka love bombing from the start relationship that he’d been having another relationship for 2 months after we met, including sex & trips away with her. Vile. I was soooo trusting and naive. I’m glad you are not!

Bambooflowers · 19/04/2023 08:14

There is clearly more to this if he’s not contacted you further after updating his profile and a nice friendship wasn’t forming. It was two dates, you were not in an exclusive relationship with him, and clearly he wasn’t feeling it like you were.

SunnieShine · 19/04/2023 08:17

Good for you, you trusted your instincts and did the right thing for you. Now to move on to better things.

mudonmyslipers · 19/04/2023 08:20

DHsPoorBack · 18/04/2023 22:58

I think there's some confusion. OP isn't miffed that he hasn't deleted his profile after 2 dates. OP is rightly miffed that after two dates, and she thought there might be potential, that he's put up an updated new profile.

He's upped his advertising so to speak, which he would be doing if he intended to progress with OP.

This! ⬆️

It's not just two dates, it's the weeks of daily calls and messages and FaceTimes, all of which would definitely make me think this was on the early path toward a more established relationship. I would fully understand him keeping his OLD profile up but actively updating it says that while he's trying to build something with me, he's also looking around just in case something better comes along.

I personally wouldn't just block and delete but I would maybe pull back a smidge and avoid getting too emotionally attached.

Sunshineandflipflops · 19/04/2023 08:21

I think only you know how things felt and how they seemed to be progressing. No, on the face of it, I wouldn't think 2 dates automatically meant exclusivity, but I don't know what kind of conversations you have had.

I OLD for a while and if things progressed beyond 2 or 3 dates I don't think I was updating my profile. After my 2nd date with my now partner, he told me he was deleting the app and I did the same. We have been together going on 4 years now and I was grateful for knowing how he felt early on. I think both of us were very happy to get off the apps!

On the other hand though, I was also seeing someone for a few months and assumed we were 'casual but exclusive', until he casually dropped in that he was still speaking to other women. I wasn't aware we had to have an official 'talk' about exclusivity as I certainly didn't have the child free time to be seeing anyone else but seems I was quite naive!

ginlovingqueen · 19/04/2023 08:28

Ten years ago, i would have/ did delete

Now i just think, relax. Enjoy, go with the
Flo

He is keeping his options open. You should too