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Original poster

Man ive been on 2 dates with has updated his OLD profile

205 replies

Hotvimto3 · 18/04/2023 22:05

Just that... two dates, daily phone calls and texting. Forming a nice friendship, attraction there ... we both said. Just saw online that hes updated his dating profile with all new pictures. Its a delete and block now isnt it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 08:29

Costaflatwhite · 19/04/2023 07:52

2 dates is nothing! I didn't delete my OLD profile for ages when I was dating my (now) husband who I met online. A lot people will be speaking to several people online at the same time and probably going on dates with several people, until one develops into something more serious (2 dates is not serious!). If you haven't had the exclusive talk then he's done nothing wrong.

Again, I know this. This isnt the issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 08:31

Darhon · 19/04/2023 06:49

It’s not a good sign. Lived experience of those of us who have OLD. She didn’t think she was his girlfriend or that they were exclusive or that he should delete the app, just that they were connecting. Updating your profile pics, is just general code for ‘not happy with who I’ve met so far, let’s have a refresh’. Stop being patronising.

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Exactly, thank you 😊

OP posts:
Barbecuebeans · 19/04/2023 08:34

2023a · 19/04/2023 00:47

No, you're not looking for a friend. Why would that mean exclusivity after one date?

Dating is for finding out if you're suited, imo. It's not entering into an immediate relationship.

I'm not sure how sexually charged other people's first dates are, but everyone I know just meets for a chat over coffees or drinks. If things work out, you do this a few more times, perhaps go to dinner/do an activity. You do that with multiple people, most of whom you decide aren't what you're looking for at some point during the first handful of dates. If you're lucky, you eventually meet someone who is what you're looking for and they feel the same about you.

Thats how it works. Or, at least, that's how it worked for me.

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Would you be messaging multiple people good morning/night. Introducing them to your family members, messaging regularly etc. I'd find that exhausting.

Fififafa · 19/04/2023 08:35

I’m with you OP. Trust your gut. Why is he updating his profile if he genuinely wants to see where this relationship goes? Not expecting him to delete his profile yet but updating is different. As someone else said it’s the equivalent of talking to you while looking over your shoulder, at another woman.

PousseyNotMoira · 19/04/2023 08:36

Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 08:31

Exactly, thank you 😊

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You’re only taking on board the opinions of people who agree with you. I have to ask what the point of this post was, in that case?

2023a · 19/04/2023 08:40

Barbecuebeans · 19/04/2023 08:34

Would you be messaging multiple people good morning/night. Introducing them to your family members, messaging regularly etc. I'd find that exhausting.

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None of that is normal or healthy behaviour, imo, so no.

Why would I be introducing anyone to my family members after one or two dates?! You barely know someone at that point, and you’re not in a relationship. And I’ve never messaged anyone ‘good morning/night’ in my life.

AngelinaFibres · 19/04/2023 08:40

Hotvimto3 · 18/04/2023 22:49

We have spoke every day for weeks. Even facetimed and was introduced to his adult son who was there visiting.
Good night and good morning msg daily. Two very long dates (no sex) walking, meals. There is definitely a friendship forming and talk of other dates
I totally dont expect him to delete the profile, but whilst im happily looking forward to next meet up, hes looking for someone else.

I get the point about the pics to impress me,but hes sent me loads of pictures direct to my phone of him, family and work/pets so it would seem odd that he would think that was the best place

I am invested because ive taken a lot of time out of the last few weeks to talk and make time. Its annoying.

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Given all of this and the fact that you are presumably not that young ( he has adult son) then couldn't you just ask him about it. At least then you could make an informed decision rather than a 'throwing your toys out if the pram' type reaction. I understand absolutely how you feel and going with your gut is incredibly important but I would probably have got his reasons first . He may be looking over his shoulder for a better option . He may have been on OLD for a long time and got into the habit of regularly updating. It's probably the looking over the shoulder one tbh .

TeaserandtheFirecat · 19/04/2023 08:43

TheOGCCL · 18/04/2023 22:19

Yeah that’s way off. Equivalent of talking to you at a party but looking past you to see if anyone better is about.

Yes, very well put!

Okthenhun · 19/04/2023 08:49

I admire your assertiveness and self respect op

samestyle · 19/04/2023 08:51

You did the right thing, you cut out a time waster.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 19/04/2023 08:51

It does sound like he’s not that into you but OLD is a minefield!

I’m currently on an app where you bump into people and am messaging 3 men and told one what I’m up to. I think after 1 or 2 dates I’ll let the others know though. But I’m sick of messing around waiting for guys my age 50ish to decide what they want. It’s improved my confidence and I spoke to 2 men (one a friend of friend) in a pub with a live band Saturday night as I need my confidence building up. But then I’m chatty, friendly and sometimes men take that the wrong way!

hotdiggetydog · 19/04/2023 08:56

Similarly, you have logged on to online dating yourself, no?

Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 08:58

hotdiggetydog · 19/04/2023 08:56

Similarly, you have logged on to online dating yourself, no?

No

OP posts:
Batcountry8 · 19/04/2023 09:03

Interesting that when a pp asked had you heard from him last night/recently and you replied 'no and I don't expect to'.

Like you just knew something's up.

Intuition?

I wonder if he'll contact today?

Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 09:04

Batcountry8 · 19/04/2023 09:03

Interesting that when a pp asked had you heard from him last night/recently and you replied 'no and I don't expect to'.

Like you just knew something's up.

Intuition?

I wonder if he'll contact today?

Yeah like others have said gut instinct.

OP posts:
ClaraBourne · 19/04/2023 09:08

Maybe he's had the same experience of getting into somebody and they bail, and knows he shouldn't focus on one person until he's / you're sure.

Two dates isn't.

hotdiggetydog · 19/04/2023 09:12

Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 08:58

No

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Well, how did you view his profile without being logged in?

Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 09:15

ClaraBourne · 19/04/2023 09:08

Maybe he's had the same experience of getting into somebody and they bail, and knows he shouldn't focus on one person until he's / you're sure.

Two dates isn't.

Yeah maybe. Its just the actions dont match the words. Anyway I dont feel as bothered now after Ive slept on it. More just annoyed at the waste of time.
Im going to stick with my morals and boundaries and like others have said if its right there will be no issue. Onwards and upwards

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 09:16

hotdiggetydog · 19/04/2023 09:12

Well, how did you view his profile without being logged in?

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You are permanently logged onto the app.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 09:16

ClaraBourne · 19/04/2023 09:08

Maybe he's had the same experience of getting into somebody and they bail, and knows he shouldn't focus on one person until he's / you're sure.

Two dates isn't.

True.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 09:17

Mirabai · 19/04/2023 07:45

I don’t think I could cope with a guy who expected me to be exclusive after 2 dates. How would I know at that point? I’d want to keep my options open until I knew which way it was going.

As you can see from the thread some people continue to date others for a few dates until they decided to go exclusive with a person and some don’t. There’s no right and wrong, just different styles.

True

OP posts:
hotdiggetydog · 19/04/2023 09:21

Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 09:16

You are permanently logged onto the app.

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So you honestly haven't opened it for anything other to look at his profile? You haven't opened any new messages?

Bluebells1970 · 19/04/2023 09:31

I think you did the right thing.

After 2 dates, you've got a feeling if this could be something or not - whether or not you're ready to try a 3rd date and to actively look forward to the contact you have. He was still looking over his shoulder, just in case something better came along. Not attractive, however you look at it.

People shouldn't be pushing your boundaries after 2 dates. Life's too bloody short. But don't be put off; the ratio of duds to decent is pretty high but they are out there - and at least you're good at spotting them which helps Grin

Greensleevevssnotnose · 19/04/2023 09:35

2023a · 19/04/2023 00:09

All the ‘multi dating is ick’ people - do you genuinely expect people to be invested enough to date only you from your very first date onwards? With zero conversation. If you think this is a reasonable expectation, may I ask why?

The idea that anyone you w just met would stop seeing other people because they’ve spent a few hours in your company once or twice is so odd to me.

Agreed, I had 10 dates in one day it was hilarious 😆 the bar man in the pub was like what are you doing! I hated coffee by the end of the day but I had three people to take onto the next stage. I would never get involved in the messaging it was match, date, keep or move on. And I mean dating. Never sex. I met my oh on tinder 10 years ago next week. You need a system to weed out the rubbish and let the cream rise. I was a busy person working shifts so got it done in a day. Not ick at all

flymeawaytothemilkyway22 · 19/04/2023 09:37

Hotvimto3 · 18/04/2023 22:11

Wouldnt you think it was updated to attract other people? So whilst spinning a yarn to me about wanting to meet up/not play games he is playing games?

Exactly this op . He's keeping his options open and will go on other dates . I couldn't deal with it so it would be a goodbye for me . I would tell
Him why first to see what he says