Man ive been on 2 dates with has updated his OLD profile

[Hotvimto3]

Just that... two dates, daily phone calls and texting. Forming a nice friendship, attraction there ... we both said. Just saw online that hes updated his dating profile with all new pictures. Its a delete and block now isnt it?

Curve ball here but is there a possibility he has done this on purpose to see if you're still looking at the dating website/app?

Why don't people speak to their partners anymore?
A simple question: I see you've updated your OLD profile does this mean we're not exclusive?

Answer A.
No we're not exclusive in my view.
OP - ok see you later, not what I'm looking for.

Answer B.
Yes I'd like to see us as exclusive.
OP - ok so then take down your OLD account and so will I. (Which you must have been on btw to see he's updated his profile and perhaps he took you being online as still active on there)
Only he will have the answer and it's a question away.

This kind of reaction so early would put me off and says something about your overall behaviour which he may have spotted.

If you’re both messaging so much so early you may have burnt it out and behaviours are being displayed that have led to you being really dramatic so early.

the fact that you blocked him so easily demonstrates to me (as a man) that you aren’t worth it.

the fact that you blocked him so easily demonstrates to me (as a man) that you aren’t worth it

Demonstrates to me that she knows her own worth!

Honestly, if I'm taking the time to communicate with someone and date them, even if it's early on, I'm worth them not scouting around to see if there's something better out there.

He’s not doing that. He’s single and they have had two dates. , OLD dates burn out so quickly and he’s right to keep his options open. look how quickly she has thrown the towel in!

all your eggs in one dating basket does not work. It’s a numbers game.

before OLD you’d never know if he was out with mates in the pub with a new shirt, flirting with girls. Two dates don’t make a marriage. get a grip.

I'm not, I find it baffling that Op is feeling "hurt" over someone she's met up with TWICE and chatted online for the remainder of it. Illusion of intimacy has been created clearly!

I am of the view with OLD that you need to have a few conversations, coffee & drinks dates all lined up and a few people in the mix (it massively takes the pressure off). It can take a week or two to cultivate a date and if that one goes nowhere it can take another week, so its 2-3 weeks to have 2 dates. I was chatting to a guy on Tinder, he was a slow burn, as he has kids (he was busy, I was busy) and I updated my photos even though we had met for a drink and I was dating someone else I met IRL. I am now with that guy from Tinder and I am sure that he noticed that I updated my photos in between our date 1 and 2 but until you have the chat and say you are exclusive its a "free for all".

Two dates don’t make a marriage. get a grip

Aw come on now, save some of that charm for your next date...

I don’t get the waste of time comment. It genuinely reads like you think anyone who starts to get to know you is now going to be your boyfriend. It’s a getting to know you, if either of you don’t feel it you can end it. If you perceive it as wasting your time as he didn’t then commit to be your boyfriend you’re in for a lot of heartache.

Omg the amount of coffee... you must have been wired ha x

Thank you. I feel like I strong boundaries and low tolerance which clearly doesnt make things easy ha.

You need to be explicit on your profile that you expect exclusivity from the start. That way you aren't wasting other people's time who don't know you have that expectation until you block them for not being exclusive.

my views after OLD for years. I would typically have a few first dates a month. I engaged with the app daily. Took me a year to figure out and he comfortAble with chatting to multiple people, but it soon disappeared as that is now the dating culture. In fact I expect guys to be chatting to more than me. It’s the conversation after that follows in the few weeks that matters. It’s not like older days that you met someone and it progressed or not.

from those first dates a few would make it to second date and very few make it to a third date. I would personally keep my profile active as I knew guys are flaky or it fizzled out after a few dates organically. I few I liked but they didn’t like me or they liked me and not them. It’s the nature of OLD. You just use the apps till you have a conversation as the situs of dating is open and changed from years ago.

I was naturally quick to stop using OLD with DP. Turns out he was too. We both had active profiles for 6 weeks as was easy to use again. We were just getting to know each other.

we did have a chat early on. Well he informed me he deleted his profile. I did them too.

if you like him chat to him. It’s awkward to have that conversation. After 2 dates I personally wouldn’t have that conversation

I’m not sure that you do have strong boundaries. It’s more like you have weak boundaries - constant texting, chatting, getting invested, only 2 dates - followed by a knee-jerk reaction.

Exactly you need to make it clear that you’re not comfortable with simultaneous dating.

I would also suggest you stick to dates to start with - do 5 or 6 before you really start chatting a lot on the phone. Phone/FaceTime can give a false sense of intimacy that’s not real.

@Mirabai i agree. It’s so easy to create false intimacy through text. I fallen into this threat before, especially at the start of old.

that's why I changed my mindset and realised my pool of dating has increased. I am not saying it’s easy, as the anxiety of does he like me or not to have this conversation is real. You gut will tell you. but 2 dates and exclusivity is a bit much. I would run from a guy who monitored my dating profile and expected exclusivity after 2 dates.

I would have done the same @Hotvimto3 . I did OLD for years and did single dating, multi dating, casual, serious - the lot.

When you’ve gotten to the stage of daily communication and a few dates, the updating of the profile is a pretty clear indication this one is not going to progress.

It’s fine right feel a bit miffed when things don’t go as you had thought - I think the people being harsh are either people who have not done much OLD or are the ones who treat it like Amazon for humans.
Or in the case of charming man telling you to get a grip, it’s a numbers game - players who are not worth a seconds more thought.

I do agree though, that getting to the stage of morning & evening texts quite quickly with someone who initiates all the chat can be a sign of someone who likes the excitement of the attention & as soon as that excitement wears off they drop you like a hot rock.

There’s so many men - and the older they are, the more common this is, in my experience- who behave like this with no thought for how that behaviour impacts once they move into the next shiny toy.

If you feel like it, jump back in, limit the constant comms between dates until you get to know them IRL and then progress to making them a part of your daily life, on and offline.

Good luck!

Except that's not what happened at all. It's not because he went on the app. It's because he changed his profile. As in upped his marketing for other matches. Not what you do if you are interested in someone you're currently dating.

The people that do this are very much "yeah I like you, but also seeing if something better comes along in the meantime".

Apparently, loads of people would be ok with this (on Mumsnet). Meanwhile, OP in the real world has got the hint.

When you’ve gotten to the stage of daily communication and a few dates, the updating of the profile is a pretty clear indication this one is not going to progress.

2 dates! Not a few.

Years ago two dates would’ve been enough for me to agree with some of the people posting ‘don’t be ridiculous, you’re not exclusive’ however.. when two dates is then constant and daily contact it’s definitely much more. When they’re happy taking your time and energy every day with empty promises yet continue to OLD then lean back on ‘we’ve only been on two dates though’ as an excuse to make you feel like you’re blowing everything out of proportion isn’t great.

OP - I’d explain I noticed you updated your profile, it’s a bit of a kicker considering we’re in contact daily and dating, I think we’re on different pages and see where it goes from there. Guard your heart and be careful of time wasters. Trust your gut!

@Hotvimto3 when did you last hear from him and what was the gist of the last communication you had?

Maybe old isn't your thing. 2 dates is nothing. He's probably just keeping options open because he doesn't know where he stands with you.

Thank you so much. I absolutely will do this. Believe it or not but I wasnt initiating a lot, i was pretty chilled.

Ffs you’ve only met him twice. He’s not playing games he’s keeping his options open, as you should be too.
You come across rather intense. It’s been 14 days.

Maybe some women know their worth and others don’t? I’ve been on OLD and done the multi dating thing. This was because I knew that I didn’t want anything serious with them however, I knew within 2 dates that I wanted to be exclusive with my DH, even though he mentioned it first.

This guy is updating his profile to look around for other women, so basically telling OP he either isn’t in to her or doesn’t want anything serious, so she’s right to do what’s right for her and cut off contact.

It’s as simple as that and can’t believe the number of ridiculous gaslighters on here including the man who posted earlier trying to tear her down!

What’s with all the defensiveness?