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Original poster

Man ive been on 2 dates with has updated his OLD profile

205 replies

Hotvimto3 · 18/04/2023 22:05

Just that... two dates, daily phone calls and texting. Forming a nice friendship, attraction there ... we both said. Just saw online that hes updated his dating profile with all new pictures. Its a delete and block now isnt it?

OP posts:
PousseyNotMoira · 18/04/2023 23:46

This is interesting. I met my husband OLD, five years ago. After our first couple of dates, I went out with two more ‘new’ guys, and I expect I updated my profile pics, as I used to do that regularly. Nothing about the early stages of dating, however pleasant the dates, signals exclusivity to me. You’re not exclusive until it’s been discussed and agreed.

On our third or fourth date, we discussed it and decided to delete our profiles and just see each other. And the rest is history.

I have to be honest, if either of us had done what you’ve done, the other person would have found it very odd. If you wanted exclusivity, why not talk about it?

nightlightss · 18/04/2023 23:52

In my experience the ones who say they're not into game playing are the biggest game players.

I think you've made the right call here OP. You might not be 'exclusive' yet but him so blatantly shopping the field still is quite disrespectful.like a PP I find multi-dating a bit ick.

mrsdavegrohl0 · 19/04/2023 00:00

I never multidate either, and have got rid of men who have done this exact thing to me.

If he were that interested, he wouldn't be updating his profile...

ejbaxa · 19/04/2023 00:04

I agree with you OP. I wouldn't be interested in someone who was updating their pictures on the site. All this "exclusive" shite that is bandied around these days is irrelevant. He's trying to attract people still and I wouldn't go out with someone who's doing that.

curtaintwitcher23 · 19/04/2023 00:07

Every thread on here re OPD seems to attract comments from people who have clearly never experienced it or have any knowledge of it but seem hell bent on commenting condescending the OP and making out they are insane for expecting even basic respect from people they have connected with.
I don't understand the weird seething resentment vibes they give off and it's annoying as fuck.

OP you have done the right thing it's disrespectful but I'd have been tempted to just send a polite goodbye expressing your disappointment before deleting.
Good on you for trusting your gut and valuing your worth.

curtaintwitcher23 · 19/04/2023 00:07

*OLD

2023a · 19/04/2023 00:09

All the ‘multi dating is ick’ people - do you genuinely expect people to be invested enough to date only you from your very first date onwards? With zero conversation. If you think this is a reasonable expectation, may I ask why?

The idea that anyone you w just met would stop seeing other people because they’ve spent a few hours in your company once or twice is so odd to me.

Clymene · 19/04/2023 00:14

2023a · 19/04/2023 00:09

All the ‘multi dating is ick’ people - do you genuinely expect people to be invested enough to date only you from your very first date onwards? With zero conversation. If you think this is a reasonable expectation, may I ask why?

The idea that anyone you w just met would stop seeing other people because they’ve spent a few hours in your company once or twice is so odd to me.

And dating/having sexually charged encounters with multiple people is weird to me. If you're dating, you're not looking for a friend. Unless you're a teenager, I don't get how the dating ting works

KillerSandy · 19/04/2023 00:14

He was still shopping @Hotvimto3 . Good move!

nakeklak · 19/04/2023 00:40

You're not exclusive? Of course he can date other people until you have that conversation

2023a · 19/04/2023 00:47

Clymene · 19/04/2023 00:14

And dating/having sexually charged encounters with multiple people is weird to me. If you're dating, you're not looking for a friend. Unless you're a teenager, I don't get how the dating ting works

Show quote history

No, you're not looking for a friend. Why would that mean exclusivity after one date?

Dating is for finding out if you're suited, imo. It's not entering into an immediate relationship.

I'm not sure how sexually charged other people's first dates are, but everyone I know just meets for a chat over coffees or drinks. If things work out, you do this a few more times, perhaps go to dinner/do an activity. You do that with multiple people, most of whom you decide aren't what you're looking for at some point during the first handful of dates. If you're lucky, you eventually meet someone who is what you're looking for and they feel the same about you.

Thats how it works. Or, at least, that's how it worked for me.

JudgeRudy · 19/04/2023 00:52

Hotvimto3 · 18/04/2023 22:11

Wouldnt you think it was updated to attract other people? So whilst spinning a yarn to me about wanting to meet up/not play games he is playing games?

I agree with @TorviShieldMaiden , you've been on 2 dates! You're not a couple. I would not think it was odd/wrong at all if he was seeing/looking at other women. I don't think he's messing you about or being dishonest.
However if you want a random guy you've been chatting to to agree to date you and you alone before he's even met you, you need to make that clear. It's not abnormal but it's quite unusual. Exclusivity is something I'd be discussing when things get physical.
No need to block him or be nasty, just explain your looking for a commitment from date 1.
Just curious, but how did you know he'd updated his profile. We're you snooping and hoping he'd deleted before you?

PickleOfAConundrum · 19/04/2023 00:58

Just my opinion if I was on a dating site I would be keeping my options open so would regularly change my profile and yes to attract other men as 2 dates isn't a relationship and certainly not exclusive. Just me not being the type to fall in love at first sight etc but everyone is different. I'd be going on different dates with different men and just play it casual and if it's meant to be great, if not plenty more fish in the sea! I don't think the guys looking anything serious or he wouldn't be updating his profile so he's not what your looking for in a relationship so would be best to block, delete, go no contact and move on to someone who is looking the same things as yourself!

CorinaCortado · 19/04/2023 01:34

Did you think you were his girlfriend after 2 dates?

Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 05:19

CorinaCortado · 19/04/2023 01:34

Did you think you were his girlfriend after 2 dates?

Absolutely not

OP posts:
heartbroken40 · 19/04/2023 05:22

OP, I've done extensive OLD before meeting someone. And, sorry but changing profile photos is a big negative. Those who were interested in me literally never used the apps while we were "dating" (I have had 2-4 dates with a few before finding my partner who after date 3 asked me to come off the apps and he also did ). He's still shopping around. Also, the fact he didn't consider how that would look to you says a lot. You're well rid

Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 05:32

heartbroken40 · 19/04/2023 05:22

OP, I've done extensive OLD before meeting someone. And, sorry but changing profile photos is a big negative. Those who were interested in me literally never used the apps while we were "dating" (I have had 2-4 dates with a few before finding my partner who after date 3 asked me to come off the apps and he also did ). He's still shopping around. Also, the fact he didn't consider how that would look to you says a lot. You're well rid

Definitely. Its disrespectful and the actions dont match the words. Its a major red flag. Hes been the one constantly ringing, texting much more so than me. Yes I really liked him, but I am the same as you, I was pausing my dating/speaking to others. I would have thought I was being confusing to update my profile whilst being very invested daily for weeks.
Oh well. Im having a break from it for a bit. Might think about OLD later in the year maybe.

OP posts:
heartbroken40 · 19/04/2023 05:38

@Hotvimto3 but you know how OLD works. Suddenly you meet someone else who captures your attention and this loser will be soon forgotten. I wouldn't take a break, I would go back straight away. I promise you in a month he will be a distant memory

Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 05:41

heartbroken40 · 19/04/2023 05:38

@Hotvimto3 but you know how OLD works. Suddenly you meet someone else who captures your attention and this loser will be soon forgotten. I wouldn't take a break, I would go back straight away. I promise you in a month he will be a distant memory

Thats true. God its just a lot of effort isnt it. Thank you xx

OP posts:
heartbroken40 · 19/04/2023 05:44

@Hotvimto3 keep posting. You WILL find someone and you do have good boundaries. And remember it's not you (and in truth it's not him either), it's just the two of you not working. I was super picky but I didn't think the men were not good enough, I simply thought they were not a good match (imagine a puzzle with two pieces, they need to fit, if they don't it's not the right piece). But your guy is out there and you'll meet him!

BlastedPimples · 19/04/2023 05:48

So when he contacts you again what will you say?

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 19/04/2023 05:50

You have a pretty big ego to thing someone owes you an exclusive commitment after two dates. This sounds like you are a bit stalker ish. He isn’t allowed to speak to any other women, you are checking up on him. Etc You feel he is supposed to be yours and only yours and that he is now cheating on you….

He dodged a bullet by you immaturely deleting the app and his number.

Thehonestbadger · 19/04/2023 05:55

I mean, you can delete and move on ofc but I was dating 4/5 guys at once and updating my profile as I went during OLD

Made it official with my favourite one around date 6 and now we are happily married with two children so you might be cutting your nose off to spite your face. It sounds like you want the romantic notion of ‘the moment we met I just knew I never wanted anyone else’ but honestly that’s just another of the ‘toxic romance’ tropes this younger generation are thankfully cancelling. Imagine if you weren’t that into him, like you liked him but were just getting to know him and certainly not ready to be exclusive, meanwhile he’s over there deleting his profile and doodling your name in a big heart. Weird. It’s not the OLD deal

Original poster
Hotvimto3 · 19/04/2023 05:56

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 19/04/2023 05:50

You have a pretty big ego to thing someone owes you an exclusive commitment after two dates. This sounds like you are a bit stalker ish. He isn’t allowed to speak to any other women, you are checking up on him. Etc You feel he is supposed to be yours and only yours and that he is now cheating on you….

He dodged a bullet by you immaturely deleting the app and his number.

Ha ha 😂 🤣

OP posts:
gerbilcrocus · 19/04/2023 05:56

validnumber · 18/04/2023 22:21

I agree with you.
Id delete too.
It doesn't matter what anyone else says - you're the one in the relationship.
Next!

Two dates isn't a relationship!

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