Dating while pregnant

[Bunny44]

I don't know if people will find this topic a bit weird but basically I'm 18 weeks pregnant after my ex left me at 9 weeks pregnant for someone else. I'm conscious I'll not be able to date, or probably have sex for a really long time and that makes me sad.

I still have needs and would like the opportunity to experience some intimacy before an anticipated very long dry-spell. I'm not sure how to go about it. I don't even know if I want to mention I'm pregnant. I'm not looking for anything serious especially since I'm going to relocate when 8 months pregnant. I used to use Hinge for dating but I think that tends to be more serious, whereas Tinder seems to be full of weird people.

I live in Central London and usually it's really easy to meet people with apps, but it's just the approach I'm unsure of. Also has anyone else dated while pregnant and how was it?

Pft - pearl clutching and misogyny,. Of course women can be rampantly sexual while pregnant, and want sex, and have lots of it, there's nothing wrong with it. We aren't talking about a partner here, someone known for a while, trusted. We're talking casual sex with a person you might meet a couple of times before going to bed with them.

Women are only a receptacle for penises and a vessel for babies here, clearly.

I mean... you should consider the baby when pregnant, no? There's more to life than having sex with randoms. The vessel hyperbole sounds ridiculous in this context.

And op can still do it if she wants. She isn't being denied anything by anyone.

Perhaps midwives actually know and understand this matter, being midwives, and aren't attaching sexist judgement to their advice?

Get a vibrator and join some mum groups if you feel lonely...don't put your baby's health at risk just because you've been dumped. You sound really immature for being 35 and pregnant, putting your sexual needs before your unborn baby. Time to grow up and get your priorities in order.

Well first of all I didn't say I wanted to "sleep around", one man is quite fine 🙂.

Just saw her today and brought it up again and she said it's perfectly safe to date/have sex while pregnant as long as you use protection. And she has my medical history and maternity notes so has all the relevant information she needs on that as well.

It's not the same as smoking/drinking which is known to have adverse affects on the baby.

You've been single for 9 weeks.....the fact you feel so "lonely" is telling. You shouldn't be relying on a man to resolve loneliness.

Sounds you need to learn to be happy on your own

This

This concerned me too. That the ops prime focus is on meeting a bloke and is even projecting after the birth when she can meet one,

op, if you want to meet men for sex and for you this will stop you feeling lonely, then crack on.

You will start showing though in a few short weeks, and that’s a whole different niche fetish thing that you need to think carefully about offering up. The rest of the decent men will be out.

id think of other ways to stop you feeling lonely . Pregnancy isn’t really something you can hide much longer.

Not really . It's experience of a particular way of posting and responding that suggests when things are not necessarily genuine . Doesn't mean there aren't others in this position who are genuine .

I just cant think when I would let them know if I met them online, i don't think many men would be put off but its tricky

im very surprised by this comment, the op will look pregnant in a few weeks the sort of bloke whose into that might not be the sort she wants to get with. Most other blokes and every single one I know isn’t looking to hook up with visibly pregnant women, and would be immediately out. I’m surprised you think not many would be put off by being approached by a visibly pregnant woman for a shag. And very soon that’s exactly what she’s going to be.

Jeeze - there's people on here who would scream 'Controlling' at Ross being furious at pregnant Rachel going on dates in Friends!

OP - be safe, try and tap up one of your old FWB and do as you plan; go on dates first. Get yours!

Cut yourself some slack, you’re human and growing a human, it’s hard work aswell as having your heart ripped out by an arsehole! Sex is wanted and sometimes the urge makes it feel needed- I get it, and as misogynistic as the people sound on this thread it’s coming from mainly parents and because of that they know that love and instinct to protect, those who have that living soul in their lives that they live to protect so hard that they can’t comprehend why you would risk yourself and your child whilst pregnant, and breaking that down.. sex opens you up emotionally and physically to being vulnerable (especially when pregnant). When I was pregnant with my first baby I couldn’t comprehend how big the love and protection that was needed for the baby until they was earth side, I think your judgment might be slightly clouded by being lonely, horny and fucking heartbroken (all completely understandable). I get that; the “please don’t shag around when pregnant” seems a shite comment, but I think the crux comes down to.. men are shite.. all men! I think it seems like people are looking out for the baby rather than you but they’re looking out for both in most of the thread I think. Best advice; don’t waste your energy on tossers, look at the one who helped get you pregnant, you don’t deserve it anymore and deserve the break to take in that beautiful baby you’re growing, how life’s going to change for the better, focus on you, focus on therapy, focus on your future.

Condoms can break, they can take them off on the sly, they can lie that they’ve put them on etc.. all of which has happened to me and many women I know and love, your baby needs their mama’s protection just as much now as when they’re here in your arms (if not more so in the womb). I was single for the latter part of my first pregnancy and it was awful, however, that baby needed their mama to put them first and not put them in harms way, no one asked me to be a nun, and I couldn’t give a shit if I was judged for not doing what I did (basically lived like one 😅), but I couldn’t live with opening myself and my unborn baby up for a man or wanting a connection sexually. You’ve only got around 6 months of putting up with this shit and then you can shag shag shag guilt free for the rest of your life, it’s a short time to live for the safety of your unborn baby and I promise it will be worth it and although you think dating won’t be as easy once baby is here I assure you.. you’ll find a way! 😉

If you do shag.. please find a friend you can completely trust (if there’s such a man).

Laughloveloneliness
I've noticed all the posters trying to hint that you are just desperate for a man. So fucked up. I dont think that they can comprehend that women have needs too.
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We're not saying that she's desperate for a man. The point I was making is that's she's been single 9 weeks and complaining of feeling too "lonely"....:she needs to learn how to be happy without a man

The thing is I don’t think the op is just looking for sex. She said she’d never meet someone just for that, but do old and meet up a few times go to a bar etc , which is dating pure and simple , and she also says her cousin met his partner when she was pregnant and they stayed together.

she then tells us she doesn’t look pregnant. But that’s the thing about pregnancy, in about max 6 weeks she will. Very few men want to start dating a heavily/visibly pregnant woman unless they knew her before. The sort who want to for a fetish are best avoided.

so as much as the op is saying she wants sex and not a relationship , her words show she wants much more than that. She even states her ex is dating so why can’t she. What he’s doing should be irrelevant and not a catalyst.

the truth is you can op, but you will shortly be doing that as a visibly pregnant woman, will be very difficult, old is a pit at rhe best of times, and you will be very vulnerable . I would also say there is no point lying to men and concealing it. As very soon you won’t have to tell them, they will see for themselves.

Yes but they're not responding to the questions. According to my midwife there is no issue with me having sex while pregnant, unlike smoking and drinking, which I don't do anyway”

Having sex with an established partner (hopefully the child’s other parent to be) is very different to hooking up with randoms. The latter is exposing both you and your baby to unnecessary risks. Did you mention your on line fishing plans to your midwife while you were seeking her advice?
I know, you’re going to get to know them first, blah, blah but for someone who thinks 2 months without sex is deprivation , I’m guessing a couple of dates.
You’ve conceived a child, time to put your wants aside for a few months and put your baby’s wellbeing first.

I don't get the judgy 'it's grim' comments. Why is it grim for a woman to be having sex? Its how the baby got there! A single man wouldn't be judged for seeing other people if one of his ex's was pregnant, OP is single and she can date if she wants to. Be extra careful and safe, if you're after casual why not say you're after a more of friends with benefits arrangement?

And to all those saying sex with babys dad is fine ... do you not know how many men cheat on their pregnant partners? If she was still with her ex, he could be having sex with others behind her back and exposing her to STI because she wouldn't see the risk of having sex with him without a condom. At least here she would be using protection!

I was really horny in pregnancy but unfortunately DH finds pregnancy a bit off putting which is frustrating. I have to admit that in your situation i probably wouldnt want to meet randoms off the internet for sex. I would probably try to please myself in other ways instead as you are so vulnerable in pregnancy.

Most men don't want sex with someone pregnant either.

All these lovely judgemental posts here..have any of you actually experienced being single and pregnant???? Being fucked over and pregnant????? No probably not!!!. I have OP whilst my ex swanned off and lived his best life whilst leaving me to pick up the pieces of a planned pregnancy. As long as you are safe which of course you will be as you have a brain then you do what you want to do. Why can’t OP crave some companionship/fun? She has needs. As long as she is careful. Her ex was shagging someone else and could have easily have given her an STI …. Many pregnant partners cheat on them and they wouldn’t use condoms. This shaming is awful and sad.
I doubt anyone can imagine being single and pregnant until it actually happens to them and people should be careful judging so harshly when it could easily happen to them!

A lot of people are careful about who they have children with, so don’t end up in these kind of situations. But also, the OP has described herself as “lonely” multiple times. She’s also having counselling. So shagging ransoms is unlikely to be of any help to her. It’s trying to fill a void in an inappropriate way. It’s probably not what she needs in her current emotional state, never mind her physical one

Whatnow?

THIS ^

And after you have the baby, watch out for men who target you because you are needy and have a baby. Yes, there are men who will be more interested in the baby than you.

I’ve been single and pregnant and said that at the beginning of the thread. Sex with strangers whilst pregnant was the last thing on my mind! I don’t think it’s common to sleep around when pregnant (and single) hence why op hasn’t got the ‘stories’ she was looking for.

The whole idea is pretty distasteful. If you live in a small village be prepared for gossip.