Dating while pregnant

[Bunny44]

I don't know if people will find this topic a bit weird but basically I'm 18 weeks pregnant after my ex left me at 9 weeks pregnant for someone else. I'm conscious I'll not be able to date, or probably have sex for a really long time and that makes me sad.

I still have needs and would like the opportunity to experience some intimacy before an anticipated very long dry-spell. I'm not sure how to go about it. I don't even know if I want to mention I'm pregnant. I'm not looking for anything serious especially since I'm going to relocate when 8 months pregnant. I used to use Hinge for dating but I think that tends to be more serious, whereas Tinder seems to be full of weird people.

I live in Central London and usually it's really easy to meet people with apps, but it's just the approach I'm unsure of. Also has anyone else dated while pregnant and how was it?

We've reached this point:

Loneliness can be cured by casual sex with a man or, male attention and validation via the male gaze are not misogynistic.

In fact, pointing out that potentially exposing your unborn child to an unknown infection risk, is not a good idea; is misogynistic.

Have a drink, have a whole bottle, have a fag or 20, get stoned off yer face, you go girl!

I didn't ask for advice on whether to do it or not, I asked for advice on how to approach it while pregnant, beyond the obvious stuff you do while not pregnant, like guard yourself against against STIs, watch your drink... etc

If you are not going to respond to my questions in the OP and are only here to judge, then you're not being helpful. I don't personally feel I need validation or to justify myself.

Some posters have actually said some genuinely helpful things - thank you to that minority.

You post on a public platform you get public opinions.

Are you planning on drinking or smoking during this pregnancy? If not, why not?

Also people on here are so obsessed with me getting STIs. How about we suggest all pregnant married women don't have sex either, given the number of men who cheat on their wives? How do you know your husband isn't cheating??

According to this forum grown single women obviously don't know how to protect themselves 😂.

Yes but they're not responding to the questions. According to my midwife there is no issue with me having sex while pregnant, unlike smoking and drinking, which I don't do anyway.

This isn't about you, protecting yourself though, is it?

Yes, some men cheat.

Most don't though and a long term partner is at least a known quantity.

Nobody can stop you doing this and there will certainly be men who are more than willing to sleep with a pregnant woman.

It's no different to drinking or smoking. Probably won't harm your baby but they might. Why risk it? For what?

But your views are mysoginistic. You're assuming that what I need from the sex is validation, which has for me personally, never been the case. Shock horror - some women actually enjoy sex. @DuesExMachina unless you want to respond to the actual question then your judgemental responses are not helpful to anyone.

Really do not get what you were posting for.

Your midwife thinks there's no problem with you sleeping with strangers?

Did you actually tell her that's what you planned or did you just ask about the act of sex itself?

im starting to think this cant possibly be real! surely even you know that having sex with a partner while pregnant is completely different to finding casual sex partners while pregnant. Put your baby first and grow up, its ridiculous to think that your that rampant, you cant wait a few months to have sex again. theres nothing mysoginistic about putting your child first and your needs last. grow up.

@Bunny44

Go on then, what are you going to get from a casual shag that a toy won't give you?

I've drank, smoked and shagged way across half the country in another life. It doesn't give you companionship, affection or fill a lonely void.

It's a shag. It's fun.

It's not worth the risk to your babies health.

If your lonely, form real relationships with friends, family and eventually, a partner.

You’ve literally said that your issue was loneliness more than once on this thread. Casual sex, while often great fun, does not cure loneliness.

You’ve also only been single for two months. That’s a VERY recent breakup. The advice to anyone, pregnant or not, who had a recent painful breakup and was looking to date would be to leave it for a bit, give themselves time to heal and ensure they weren’t desperately trying to fill a gap in their lives with literally any man.

That’s before one factors in the risks around pregnancy.

I said upthread (and you agreed) that the reason for this post is unclear. You know how to date, you’ve got supportI’ve friends you can discuss this with and you knew (from the OP) that this would get a negative reaction on here. So, what are you hoping to achieve by rowing with strangers on MN?

What’s your relationship history like? Have you ever been single for a while? Did you struggle with this?

Don’t be daft. Only men are allowed to want and enjoy sex. Apparently.

The misogyny on this thread is grim.

The misogyny on Mumsnet is grim.

What's wrong with you?

How a hook up with protection harm the baby?

OP if you're not showing and you want to do it, just do it. You don't have to mention it. You're still an autonomous human being, are obviously aware of the need for protection etc.

Ultimately you're a single woman and if you want a hook up there's no reason not to. As you're not looking for a partner there's also no real need to go about it any differently. Just say you don't drink and smoke! They don't need to know it's because you're pregnant, lots of people don't drink.

How would*

Sex is awesome!

Sex with strangers can be great fun.

Sex with strangers when you’re lonely and seeking comfort after a very recent breakup is often not the best idea.

Sex with strangers when you’re pregnant, as well as lonely and seeking comfort after a very recent breakup is almost definitely a bad idea.

@Peapodburgundybouquet

Cis-men (which is what I assume you're talking about) gestate a baby.

It's not misogynistic to acknowledge the fact that casual sex is more risky when pregnant. That's biological reality, exactly like smoking and drinking.

100% the misogyny is grim. Never seen so much pearl clutching and horror over a woman wanting to get laid.

Women are only a receptacle for penises and a vessel for babies here, clearly.

*don't gestate, obviously

How is protected sex the same as smoking fags and drinking while pregnant?

It's not misogynistic to acknowledge the fact that casual sex is more risky when pregnant. That's biological reality, exactly like smoking and drinking

Exactly how and why is sex with a condom dangerous while pregnant? Genuinely can you explain what the issue is? You seem to be convinced it's the case so I'd like to know what the grounds for this belief are.

@TellMeTheMewth

Protection? Condoms can fail.

That's an unnecessary risk to the baby.

No different to smoking or drinking. Probably ok, but still risky.

The chances are so small, much smaller than the known risks of drinking and smoking. OP can double up, use male and female ones.

I think the truth is the idea that a woman is pregnant, and single, and wanting casual sex is icky to you and you don't like it.

Well if you want to describe unnecessary risks to a babies health as "icky", go for it.

I think there are possibly more adult words to use but suit yourself.

Your midwife said there's no problem with you sleeping around whilst pregnant? Really?