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Original poster

Dating while pregnant

318 replies

Bunny44 · 18/04/2023 16:07

I don't know if people will find this topic a bit weird but basically I'm 18 weeks pregnant after my ex left me at 9 weeks pregnant for someone else. I'm conscious I'll not be able to date, or probably have sex for a really long time and that makes me sad.

I still have needs and would like the opportunity to experience some intimacy before an anticipated very long dry-spell. I'm not sure how to go about it. I don't even know if I want to mention I'm pregnant. I'm not looking for anything serious especially since I'm going to relocate when 8 months pregnant. I used to use Hinge for dating but I think that tends to be more serious, whereas Tinder seems to be full of weird people.

I live in Central London and usually it's really easy to meet people with apps, but it's just the approach I'm unsure of. Also has anyone else dated while pregnant and how was it?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 21/04/2023 03:32

Hedgehog93 · 20/04/2023 20:05

All these lovely judgemental posts here..have any of you actually experienced being single and pregnant???? Being fucked over and pregnant????? No probably not!!!. I have OP whilst my ex swanned off and lived his best life whilst leaving me to pick up the pieces of a planned pregnancy. As long as you are safe which of course you will be as you have a brain then you do what you want to do. Why can’t OP crave some companionship/fun? She has needs. As long as she is careful. Her ex was shagging someone else and could have easily have given her an STI …. Many pregnant partners cheat on them and they wouldn’t use condoms. This shaming is awful and sad.
I doubt anyone can imagine being single and pregnant until it actually happens to them and people should be careful judging so harshly when it could easily happen to them!

You're describing a lot of shit that men do to women there.

The OP is thinking of doing all of that to herself. She's thinking of opening herself and her baby up to all the risks associated with sleeping with men she has spent a little time with on three or four occasions.

Can you see the difference?

Can you see how little having a brain has to do with staying safe? Having a brain didn't make the OP immune to her previous partner shagging someone else and leaving her, now did it?

Or are you saying that women who end up abused, stalked by random men they dated once or twice, choked or hit during sex, or dealing with STIs are stupid?

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 05:33

@Derbee did you know 30% of domestic abuse starts in pregnancy? Despite how “careful” you are with your choice of partner?! Op also says she was in a LTR. Any man who can treat a woman so poorly in pregnancy when you are most vulnerable is the lowest of low in my opinion. Again, could happen to any of us.

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 05:39

@mathanxiety yes well done that’s exactly what I am saying. This victim mentality is just a bit boring. As I said to a PP 30% of domestic abuse starts whilst pregnant, happened to me in a LTR so let’s not act like everyone is even safe from STIs and abuse whilst in a relationship as believe me they are not! I found myself single and pregnant. I went on one date and realised I was doing it for the wrong reasons - maybe that’s what OP needs for her to realise or know. It gave me the ick just sitting there on a date. Also, sadly, I wouldn’t trust a man who would shag or date a pregnant woman. I did find therapy more useful. And I waited until after I had my baby to date and was in a much better headspace. Sadly you are emotionally vulnerable whilst pregnant and OP has already been treated terribly by the one person who should have been her rock.

Laughloveloneliness · 21/04/2023 07:43

HistoryFanatic · 20/04/2023 18:52

Most men don't want sex with someone pregnant either.

The comments on this thread are mental. Absolutely shameful and unbelievably misogynistic. Par for the course on mumsnet though. This one just stood out to me for some reason. For its utter daftness. Its sad that you think like this. Most men still find women attractive in pregnancy. Men with a healthy attitude towards sex that is. A man who is turned off by a pregnant woman's body will be a man with issues. Also saw a comment that most women pick the father of their children more carefully so wouldn't end up in this position 😂 nah, the shit women tolerate to remain married to absolute useless man children, especially the women of mumsnet. Made me chuckle.

Isthisexpected · 21/04/2023 07:55

Most good men aren't looking to have casual sex with an emotionally vulnerable pregnant woman no.

Tarantullah · 21/04/2023 07:59

Isthisexpected · 21/04/2023 07:55

Most good men aren't looking to have casual sex with an emotionally vulnerable pregnant woman no.

Lots of unsavoury men will be though, their kryptonite.

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 08:10

@Laughloveloneliness Perfectly put. Exactly my point about the amount of men who cheat on pregnant partners and treat them like crap. But people will stay as they don’t want to be a “single mum” yet don’t have any self worth yet are judging this OP

Malarandras · 21/04/2023 08:10

The OP said she was 35 in a previous post, so she’s not a daft wee girl. If dating is what she wants to do, she’s an adult she can make that decision for herself. What anyone thinks is irrelevant. She asked how she should go about doing it, not if she should do it. I would think online dating is likely the way to go - it didn’t work great for me so I can’t offer any advice on that. I’d say that Match is full of weirdos though! Another option might be a speed dating event near you OP? I’ve never done that but might be worth a shot? Best of luck with everything.

Laughloveloneliness · 21/04/2023 08:43

Isthisexpected · 21/04/2023 07:55

Most good men aren't looking to have casual sex with an emotionally vulnerable pregnant woman no.

I just dont agree with this. Plus what are 'good' men? The men defended on here who do fuck all? Mumsnets idea of a good man probably isn't the same as mine. For example, mine is expected to be an engaged parent and partner who is considerate to those around him. On mumsnet he's expected to have a job. That's it. Two adults who want casual sex within a mutually beneficial arrangement are entitled to do just so. I wouldn't think twice about a man having a casual thing with a pregnant woman. Some of the views around sex on this thread are just shocking.

FoodCentre · 21/04/2023 08:54

Isthisexpected · 21/04/2023 07:55

Most good men aren't looking to have casual sex with an emotionally vulnerable pregnant woman no.

Agree here. No, most men aren't turned off by a pregnant woman's body.

Yes, most normal men would politely decline casual sex from a recently split pregnant woman (who says she's lonely and seeks company in this manner). There's healthier ways to do it and I know lots of men would be put off at this scenario

FoodCentre · 21/04/2023 09:01

On mumsnet he's expected to have a job. That's it.

Say what? That's nonsense, on MN it's LTB for everything, why haven't you divorced yet, OP? Has he left yet? Etc etc

Two adults who want casual sex within a mutually beneficial arrangement are entitled to do just so. I wouldn't think twice about a man having a casual thing with a pregnant woman. Some of the views around sex on this thread are just shocking.

Yeah, you're entitled to. Doesn't mean it's a good idea. Most men would just say 'no thanks'. It's respectful. It considers the pregnant woman and her feelings and the child's health and well-being.

In particular, if the man in question is casual with other people - he would (should) decline.

Bambooflowers · 21/04/2023 09:10

FoodCentre · 21/04/2023 08:54

Agree here. No, most men aren't turned off by a pregnant woman's body.

Yes, most normal men would politely decline casual sex from a recently split pregnant woman (who says she's lonely and seeks company in this manner). There's healthier ways to do it and I know lots of men would be put off at this scenario

Show quote history

Oh cmon. Between an established couple absolutely not turned off as it’s about more than the physical . Shagging a stranger, of course it’s a turn off for most.

Whatdayisitalexa · 21/04/2023 09:43

What a pointless thread, op seems to know her own mind there is no dilemma

Thisisworsethananticpated · 21/04/2023 10:21

Simple fact is OP could go online today
vet people sensibly and wisely

theoretically it’s very possible she could be safe and meet someone decent who also wants a nice casual thing

I’m not clear of the risk of a safe non std penis going into her vagina when she is 2-4 months pregnant

I know there are emotional risks , many

but the physical risks can be managed

so why the knee jerk reactions

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/04/2023 10:23

Thisisworsethananticpated · Today 10:21
Simple fact is OP could go online today
vet people sensibly and wisely”

Because everyone on OLD sites tells the truth ….. 🤣

Thisisworsethananticpated · 21/04/2023 10:23

Even with casual people vet
you talk , you meet , you check safety

it’s not necessarily ‘fucking a stranger’

people who do casual have more std tests than most !

Bambooflowers · 21/04/2023 10:24

Thisisworsethananticpated · 21/04/2023 10:21

Simple fact is OP could go online today
vet people sensibly and wisely

theoretically it’s very possible she could be safe and meet someone decent who also wants a nice casual thing

I’m not clear of the risk of a safe non std penis going into her vagina when she is 2-4 months pregnant

I know there are emotional risks , many

but the physical risks can be managed

so why the knee jerk reactions

I’m quite new, but I think the etiquette is to read the thread, which obviously gives the reasons for the reactions rather than to ask others to read it for you and summarise.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 21/04/2023 10:25

MrsSkylerWhite

actually with FEELD people are pretty bloody honest about their wants
its very businesslike !
and you can suss them out

but agree with sites like Tinder etc

Thisisworsethananticpated · 21/04/2023 10:26

Bambooflowers

i have
and the reactions have ranged from sensible concern to down right nasty

HistoryFanatic · 21/04/2023 10:44

Laughloveloneliness · 21/04/2023 07:43

The comments on this thread are mental. Absolutely shameful and unbelievably misogynistic. Par for the course on mumsnet though. This one just stood out to me for some reason. For its utter daftness. Its sad that you think like this. Most men still find women attractive in pregnancy. Men with a healthy attitude towards sex that is. A man who is turned off by a pregnant woman's body will be a man with issues. Also saw a comment that most women pick the father of their children more carefully so wouldn't end up in this position 😂 nah, the shit women tolerate to remain married to absolute useless man children, especially the women of mumsnet. Made me chuckle.

Show quote history

I meant it seems to put them off. It isn't uncommon for them to find it a bit squeamish. My DH did.

Babyboomtastic · 21/04/2023 10:48

When the OP says that she was in a long term relationship and the baby was planned, I don't think she's taking the whole story. It doesn't alter whether it's right or wrong to sleep around in pregnancy, but it does perhaps show some lack of judgement and naivety on her part, which I think men would exploit.

Dad is from Souru Africa, and they met on holiday. It's a long distance relationship, where she's been there twice, and he's visited her here. Baby doesn't appear to have been planned but he was initially pleased. The OP then discovered either that he was still with his ex, or had gone back to her. That's the account she's given on here previously anyway.

He had more red flags than a communist parade.

mnisannoyingAF · 21/04/2023 10:52

Have a wank

user4567890754 · 21/04/2023 10:53

Herpes and warts can be anywhere on the genitals. A condom won’t necessarily be covering it. Also, condoms can burst. A man who is having casual sex with lots of different people he’s met online is obviously a lot more likely to have STIs than your long term partner. This is just so risky. Is it really worth it? It’s not just your own health that is at risk here.

DuesExMachina · 21/04/2023 11:04

user4567890754 · 21/04/2023 10:53

Herpes and warts can be anywhere on the genitals. A condom won’t necessarily be covering it. Also, condoms can burst. A man who is having casual sex with lots of different people he’s met online is obviously a lot more likely to have STIs than your long term partner. This is just so risky. Is it really worth it? It’s not just your own health that is at risk here.

I agree with all of this.

It's literally and biologically, the same as smoking and drinking.

Is it misogynistic to state that a pregnant woman shouldn't do those?

MilkshakeEarthquake · 21/04/2023 11:10

Babyboomtastic · 21/04/2023 10:48

When the OP says that she was in a long term relationship and the baby was planned, I don't think she's taking the whole story. It doesn't alter whether it's right or wrong to sleep around in pregnancy, but it does perhaps show some lack of judgement and naivety on her part, which I think men would exploit.

Dad is from Souru Africa, and they met on holiday. It's a long distance relationship, where she's been there twice, and he's visited her here. Baby doesn't appear to have been planned but he was initially pleased. The OP then discovered either that he was still with his ex, or had gone back to her. That's the account she's given on here previously anyway.

He had more red flags than a communist parade.

She also said it was a LTR on this thread but they were only together a year and the majority of that was long distance, a year is not what most people call a LTR.