These threads always baffle me. OP has moved her partner in after eighteen months and she’s told it was too soon. Yet if a woman posted here that she’d been seeing a man for six months, was 39 and wanted another baby she’d be told to tell him that they needed to get cracking.
I’m firmly of the belief that children should come first, however there is a dynamic here of stroppy pre-teen vs adult who has never had children and has suddenly been brought into a house with a stroppy pre-teen and is expected to just sit back and say nothing.
And I’m curious as to this child’s attitude. It’s entirely possible that the DP gets frustrated because of the mouthful of attitude the child gives his mother when told to come off of his games console. And while shouting may not be the answer, the idea that an adult is expected to take a step parent role in all senses but having any say in discipline is ludicrous. The step parenting board is full of posters who are expected to fetch and carry for their DSC, to always put them first, and yet God help them if they tell them off for any reason.
The reality is that this man has no experience of having children and he has chosen a bad time of childhood, the pre-teen stage, to gain that experience.
And the pre-teen is so addicted to gaming that he refuses to participate in family life unless it’s on his terms.
Let’s not create the narative that he’s gaming to escape abuse. That’s a feeble justification for his behaviour when it’s a proven fact that gaming in excess is damaging and addictive. When I rule the world in fact gaming and social media will be banned until children turn eighteen. ;)
There needs to be middle ground here.
The partner needs to develop a relationship with the pre-teen, and realise that shouting will get him nowhere, but equally the level of gaming and the attitude needs to stop.
OP is essentially piggy in the middle because she has a partner who isn’t getting on with her child, but she also has a child who has the attitude of a pre-teen and who refuses to participate in family life unless it’s on his terms.
The DS isn’t purely victim here. He’s responsible for a level of his own behaviour. This notion that a child should essentially be allowed to game all day every day and the attitude and the behaviour needs to be accepted because that’s just what pre teens do is a total cop-out and is shit parenting.
And yes, I have a 20 year old now so been there, done that.
People need to parent their children, not just say “oh well, it’s ok to game all day/eat in their bedroom/give me mouthfuls of abuse/I need to buy 10 multi packs of crisps a week and if the child has eaten them all I’m not buying enough, because … teenagers.”
OP you need to talk to your partner and discuss how to move forward. And you need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself whether you’ve actually been parenting your DS or have just put up with his behaviour for a quiet life. If the latter then it’s possible he resents your partner because he’s suddenly have a level of discipline brought in which he doesn’t feel he has to follow. Even if your partner stops shouting and you start being firmer he may blame your partner and that won’t then be his fault.