Page 3 | I really don’t know what to do 😔

Aquamarine1029 · 16/04/2023 14:36

You are not the victim here. Your child is. Your son is being bullied in his own home whilst his mother stands by and does nothing. Fucking hell, your kids don't stand a chance.

user1492757084 · 16/04/2023 14:37

If you are finding it hard to evict the BF give him a parting gift - an Xbox.
Quite seriously, if your son can not stick to rules about the Xbox - throw it out for good.
An object, a toy, a screen should not be causing you grief at all. Your son will be well rid of the addictive machine.

AlwaysGinPlease · 16/04/2023 14:46

OneHitWonder40 · 16/04/2023 14:22

@ballerinagirl i didn’t realise it was compulsory to reply to all comments. Silly me 🙄🙄

You can bother to reply to that to be petty but ignore the posts that suggest you take accountability for failing your child. Unbelievable.

Pashy · 16/04/2023 14:52

MrLbz · 16/04/2023 14:23

Props to @jsku for a sensitive and considered comment and whilst the rest of you are basically correct in that OP needs to separate her relationship and family your tone is unhelpful.

Dude, stop trying to police women.

It’s not up to you, or any man, to dictate what “tone” women should use.

aureliala · 16/04/2023 14:55

This is a real eye opener for me. OP I was in your position until very recently. My (now ex) boyfriend of 2.5 years moved in with my and my child. Biggest mistake ever.

He didn’t have kids and had very little patience with my dd. They’d clash and argue, and I felt very uncomfortable with a man who is not her father attempting to discipline her in her own home, that should have been a safe space for her.

I’m angry with myself for allowing it to happen and the best thing I ever did was telling him to move out. I ended the relationship because he was more of an arse hole than I first realised and I’m so glad he’s out of our lives.

Our home is now a happy place, where me and my child are no longer walking on eggshells, and I don’t have to play referee between my daughter and a pathetic manchild.

The prospect of being alone is daunting, but a future where your child resents you for staying with a man who clearly doesn’t like your DS very much is a much worse place to be.

You know what you need to do.

SophiaElizabethGrace · 16/04/2023 14:59

I'm shocked at the number of women who would state that their kids are the most important people in their lives but then prioritise a man over them.

You've known him two years (two years!) and moved him in after a year and a half. It's clear where your priorities lie. Why is he parenting your child?

Ditch the cock lodger and be a parent.

Soakitup37 · 16/04/2023 15:00

There is no piggy no middle, why on Earth are you trying to salvage something where your ds is clearly not being prioritised. You’re allowing your partner to SHOUT at your ds. I don’t shout at my own children. Any man who did (bio father or not would be out that door if they thought it was acceptable behaviour)

Nanny0gg · 16/04/2023 15:03

OneHitWonder40 · 16/04/2023 12:45

I love my DP but he doesn’t seem to get on with my youngster DS who’s 12. I’ve been with my DP 2yrs and we all live together. My DP doesn’t have his own DC so was used to the quiet chilled out lifestyle and being able to do his own thing whenever.

He has been living with us for 6 months but he clashes so much with my youngest DS and just doesn’t have the patience with him. My DS is hard work and is at that age where he wants to game all the time and my DP gets so annoyed with it and ends up just going off and doing his own things rather then trying to do things as a family. I understand his frustration, but I just think my DP needs to chill out a bit and try having a bit of a laugh with my DS rather then shouting at him and going off out in a strop if he doesn’t get off his Xbox immediately.

I feel like I’m piggy in the middle as I get it in the neck from my DP about my DS.

You're not piggy in the middle. You are choosing to let him have a say over your DS. He shouldn't as they haven't had a long enough relationship

You know the answer.
But will you do it?

vivaespanaole · 16/04/2023 15:07

A lad of that age huffing and chuffing at undertaking any activity that isn't gaming is extremely normal at that age and happening in the vast majority of households up and down the country. It's boring and it's maddening and they are often ok once out and about but it's very very normal. I don't think your DS is doing much his peers aren't so the unreasonable one is your DP. With not having his own he maybe doesn't understand that some phases are a bloody grind until they pass and they don't have the unconditional love to help them get through it.

If he continues you have to prioritize your son. Or you could damage your relationship with him which is bad news in the teenage years.

Magnoliainbloom · 16/04/2023 15:09

Your poor son. Sounds like you are struggling to parent him in addition to the awful situation with your partner. This is exactly why I’ll never live with another man until my child moves out.

Widgets · 16/04/2023 15:28

You are not ‘piggy in the middle’ it’s you and your son as a team, this man should not be shouting at your son and you should not be allowing it to happen.
Was your son a gamer before your boyfriend moved in? Why should your son have to change now? What gives your boyfriend the right to move into YOUR home and tell YOUR son what to do??
i feel sorry for your son

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 16/04/2023 15:29

What a surprise. The new bloke treats his partners children like shit. Where have I heard this before? Could it be the many many cases of these men abusing and killing the children?

Get a grip op and look after your child. Get the man out

Augustlou30 · 16/04/2023 15:37

Even after nearly 7 years this is exactly why I do not live with my partner and I'm sorry I know that's unhelpful. I've built the relationships up slowly between my kids and partner, a few years ago there was tension between my oldest and partner but things are much better now. My children live with me 50% so plenty of time for me to see my partner when they're with their dad. We do lots as a 'family' too but we all have space awell. I always want my children to feel comfortable in their own home and I know I'd just end up being pulled in 3 different directions, so for now he doesn't live with us and we have a very lovely relationship.

Channellingsophistication · 16/04/2023 15:40

Is it your house or did you move in with DP?

Channellingsophistication · 16/04/2023 15:43

DS must come first so DP needs to move out. Teens and pre teens do game…! You are risking your relationship with your son. DP shouldnt be parenting your child….

FishChipsMushyPeas · 16/04/2023 15:45

I doubt the Op will be back unless there's someone else that agrees with her but there is no piggy in the middle - there shouldn't be a middle

B0g · 16/04/2023 15:46

OP has another thread that she doesn't appear to have bothered replying to, saying she gets nothing from the relationship, the boyfriend slobs all night on her sofa and she's marrying him next year. There really is no helping some people.

Original poster

OneHitWonder40 · 16/04/2023 15:47

Right, whilst I appreciate each and every comment…please don’t come on here and judge me from my little snippet that I have posted.

If my DP was that bad, I would have kicked his sorry arse into the ditch. Do you really think I would have him around my DC if he was? Seriously ffs 🙄
He gets frustrated with my son who will spend his whole weekend gaming if we let him, but when we try and get him off to spend family time, that’s when it all kicks off. So yes I’m as much to blame as I never really had any boundaries as my DP does.

Why do you think it’s not acceptable for the other adult in the household to discipline a child? I find this a strange comment!

why do you think it’s unacceptable for a child to be shouted at? Do you not think teachers shout at your child? Believe me they do when they’re at secondary school.

I would never, ever, EVER put my kids at any harm….so don’t you dare come on here and say that I am!!

OP posts:

TeeBee · 16/04/2023 15:47

I wouldn't let any bloke shout at my kids, let alone in their own home. Fuck that. You're not caught in the middle, you just don't want to take the responsibility to parent your child and get rid of the angry man. Poor kid. Just anticipate that it will ruin your relationship with your own child. Let's hope that angry man is worth the loss. My mum did the same. Three out of four of her children are now totally no contact with her. Choose you path.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 16/04/2023 15:49

I actually don't think it's OK for a non parent to discipline a child, it's not their place or their role.

Original poster

OneHitWonder40 · 16/04/2023 15:49

@B0g I love it when pp’s go trolling through other posts from the OP 🤣

OP posts:

TeeBee · 16/04/2023 15:49

Nope, its definitely not acceptable for anyone to discipline my child in their own home but me. I'd never contemplate disciplining my boyfriends son. That's not my place at all. I'm not his parent.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 16/04/2023 15:51

He has been living with us for 6 months but he clashes so much with my youngest DS and just doesn’t have the patience with him. My DS is hard work and is at that age where he wants to game all the time and my DP gets so annoyed with it and ends up just going off and doing his own things rather then trying to do things as a family. I understand his frustration, but I just think my DP needs to chill out a bit and try having a bit of a laugh with my DS rather then shouting at him and going off out in a strop if he doesn’t get off his Xbox immediately.

Why is your partner so bothered about the Xbox? Isn’t it up to you, the parent, to decide how long your son spends on it?

Does this only come up when you want to go and do something as a family? If I was a more cynical person, I might think that your “D”P doesn’t actually give a flying fuck about having lovely family days out, and therefore goes off and does his own thing (supposedly out of frustration) because that’s what he wanted to do all along - with the convenience of being able to blame your son.

usererror99 · 16/04/2023 15:51

OneHitWonder40 · 16/04/2023 15:47

Right, whilst I appreciate each and every comment…please don’t come on here and judge me from my little snippet that I have posted.

If my DP was that bad, I would have kicked his sorry arse into the ditch. Do you really think I would have him around my DC if he was? Seriously ffs 🙄
He gets frustrated with my son who will spend his whole weekend gaming if we let him, but when we try and get him off to spend family time, that’s when it all kicks off. So yes I’m as much to blame as I never really had any boundaries as my DP does.

Why do you think it’s not acceptable for the other adult in the household to discipline a child? I find this a strange comment!

why do you think it’s unacceptable for a child to be shouted at? Do you not think teachers shout at your child? Believe me they do when they’re at secondary school.

I would never, ever, EVER put my kids at any harm….so don’t you dare come on here and say that I am!!

So why post about it then if you didn't want the majority of posters to say get rid of him? I

Wishona · 16/04/2023 15:51

I think his age is a massive factor. You might need to forget ‘family time’ for a few years.
I would focus on spending time just you and your son for a while.

As long as he’s not gaming late into the night I’d let it drop a bit.

His house should be a safe place…shouting isn’t appropriate. I’m guessing you wouldn’t like a man to shout at you?
An adult who isn’t a parent should tread very very carefully.