Pregnant & being called fat

[Bubblemachiene]

By partner in an argument, also infront of our dc. How would you handle this.

Christ - what made you choose this ghastly man in the first place? He sounds horrific.

Leave him.

Unless you want your daughter growing up thinking it's all she can expect from men, & that women are solely judged by their external appearance.

He doesn't seem to think he should apologise as it was my fault the reason we had the argument in the first place.
Riiight ...
So if somebody starts an argument with me, I can say whatever hurtful things I like, then refuse to take responsibility because "they started it"?
What a ridiculously immature & selfish attitude.

He says I was Insulting his masculinity.
Oh dear.
NO man who comes out with tripe like this is worth your time.
By "masculinity" he means "women should kowtow to men & never correct them". The whole argument was ridiculous, but he chose to escalate. Now he is stubbornly refusing to apologise - doesn't that give you The Ick?

I saw your updates about your rented place.
Furniture or not, it's worth a call to your landlord to find out if you could return. Even if it's just camping out in a bolthole for a while, at least you'd have your independence& wouldn't be modelling accepting this relationship & his treatment of you to your DC.

Top drawer abuse. Who needs enemies with a partner like him. I would be reevaluating the relationship. Terrible role modeling for your children otherwise.

You can absolutely go back to the group and say your circumstances have changed. You have nothing to be embarrassed about - you’re saving yourself and your children from a lifetime of abuse.

I'd be telling him it was time for him to start sleeping on the couch of a friend or relative until he could come up with a suggestion about how he will mend things between you.

What he said was 100% abusive.

Don't let him get away with this.

Well done OP, it will give you a bit of hard work now but save you a lot of grief in future.
when a week or so ago I gave everything away on said group. Plus I know people on there, its embarrassing
Write something like "due to unfortunate recent events" and if anyone you know asks, tell them you can't disclose any details.

Well done on the first step of securing your home away from this awful man. Maybe have Monday off if you can to sort out UC.

People won’t be embarrassed for you, they will know it took courage to leave so soon and most will want to help you. (Here we have an amazing furniture charity shop that will deliver. Maybe you have one near you to source beds etc?)

If a lot of them know you anyway, they will find out soon enough.

Also OP this is a massive boundary line for him. He will be shocked. But let’s hope he will have more respect for you if you are soon coparenting. He misjudged you OP.

Rooting for you here! X

Thank you all I have called up and they are going to cancell leaving notice.
There is no way i can post on a group asking for help when a week or so ago I gave everything away on said group. Plus I know people on there, its embarrassing.
I will have to stay here until I can get the basics ie beds, fridge freezer sofa.
I just need to re start my uc and I am back in work Monday it's bad timing

Great progress. Don't let a lack of furniture hold you back op.

Don’t let a lack of furniture stop you. Don’t feel embarrassed tell people what has happened and ask

if his property is in his name
……
move today either in with friends or back where you were and take his advice shut up and don’t tell him anything
who Does he think he is?

You've canceled leaving the previous house? Or have I got the wrong end of the stick? If you're able to move back to your old home, great.

Don't look too far into the future - giving birth, visitation, etc.

The solution to the problems on that end is - cut him out of your life completely.
Don't put his name on the birth cert - if he wants a part in this baby's life, he will have to prove paternity and apply to the courts for contact. He will not be given more than a few daytime hours a week while the baby is breastfeeding.

Find someone else to accompany you through childbirth. You could ask a friend, a family member, or get a doula (a professional childbirth companion).

There is no need to worry at this stage about any of that.

Deal with one thing at a time, and don't get ahead of yourself.

The most urgent problem is simply getting you, your children, and your pet away from this man.
Second most urgent is finding furniture - if you're embarrassed to go back looking for furniture, do you have a friend or relative who could do this for you?

Talk to family and friends about what's happening in your life. People will be supportive.

That's good news about the flat at least.
Could you stay with family for a few weeks whilst you sort out furniture for it?

That way you're showing your daughter that you are absolutely not taking any shit.

Besides,if you stay and he knows you're leaving it may not be safe. Or he may start putting on his best behaviour to try trick you into staying. Or he might try to guilt you with some 'keeping the family together' bs or 'you'll never make it on your own' bs. And of course that's bs but it may wear you down if you're around it too long.

Check out charity furniture shops for quick furnishings. You'll easily get bed frames, sofas, tables, chairs and wardrobes from there. They usually deliver within the week too.

My guess, he thinks he’s Andrew Tate.

Probably @Catoo
Thanks all really appreciate it.

Depending on budget IKEA do cheap mattresses and b and M do cheap stuff for furnishing.

What terrible behaviour to witness.

Disgusting. Not sure if you can come back from something like that. Not only has he crossed a line in your relationship, but he has failed in his parental duties.

I bet you that if someone sat him down and asked him if he wants a man to treat his daughter like that one day, he would say 'no'. He knows his behaviour is wrong, but he feels enabled, or even entitled to do it because you have lost your value as a partner or as a human being in his eyes. That's why he treats you like that. He simple can, and he knows it's unlikely, other than a few arugments, that there'll be nay real consequences for him. As far as I'm concerned, he's shown his true face to you, so now you need to decide what you're going to do about that.

As a thought experiment, I'd ask yourself, exactly what would he have to do, either in front or not in front of your children, before you finish your relationship?

He doesn't seem to think he should apologise as it was my fault the reason we had the argument in the first place.

This tells you he feels perfectly justified calling you derogatory abusive things in arguments/disagreements.

It also tells you it's very likely to happen again and again.

The insulting his masculinity comment makes him sound immature, chauvanist and arrogant.

Btw what an incredible irony being called "fat" while pregnant by the man who's impregnated you.

Lots of appreciation there that you're carrying his child, will have to birth his child, that you while life will be severely affected by raising his child from newborn ..... He appreciates that abdcrssoects that so much he uses your physical state.as a result of the pregnancy with his baby to I suit and abuse you.

It's also beyond pig shit thick & stupid to refer to ant pregnant woman as "fat".

*He appreciates that and respects that so much

He's clearly a dirty, abusive, nasty "arguer" and that is unlikely to change.

He feels justified insulting someone he's supposed to care for/love very personally and nastily (and in this case ridiculously) when he's angered/arguing.

There are no doubt some values behind this that will never change either.

The fact he's ok with doing it in front of your child makes it all even worse

This bloke is not good partner or father material, I'm sorry.

He doesn't seem to think he should apologise as it was my fault the reason we had the argument in the first place.

Also note that he's blaming you for an argument that wasn't actually really your fault.

You 'insulted his masculinity" by expressing frustration or whatever that he's sold you belonging for less than it could have got ..... That's him being arrogant and unreasonable. It sort of says "I'm a man and above being questioned or criticised; you'll get it in the neck if you do, and I'm it's no holds barred in terms of what I'll say, I'm justified in that".

Well done OP on stepping up and ensuring the house exchange is stopped! You say bad timing but actually, reverse it, it’s great timing! You got your house back.

send in your UC application today.

tell the kids to pack their things and you do the same. Go back even if there isn’t anything there and in the peace of that place contact women’s aid, local charities (is Zarach the bed charity near you?) to get all the furniture you need.

also don’t feel shame. Go on the website and say that due to a change in circumstance you now need….and list all you need. People can be very generous as you have been. Free cycle should also help, plus free giving sites on Facebook etc

This was me!!!! My ex was exactly the same! I PROMISE YOU it gets worse once the baby has arrived and is crying in the middle of the night and he wakes up first.....
Or you're unable to settle the baby and his royal highness is trying to sleep

Don't! Just don't

Thanks all, he's said he will apologise but u should apologise for what I said infront of the children ie saying he should have been stronger an stood his ground rather than being bargained down.

What you said wasn't offensive or abusive.

(It offended him but that's because he's unreasonable and arrogant).

What he said was offensive/abusive.

Also totally irrelevant.

Also really nasty.

And utterly ridiculous given you are pregnant, with his child.

He's saying you're never allowed to criticise him without "deserving" verbal abuse and nastiness