Pregnant & being called fat

[Bubblemachiene]

By partner in an argument, also infront of our dc. How would you handle this.

Thank you @terryclothrobe I do have family but no where I could stay with 2 kids & my dog also, I don't feel in danger so we are ok for now. I feel so stupid as I have just emptied my whole house either taking things to the skip or giving away, i am due to give the keys back next week I can't move back in as its now empty. I have cancelled everything too. Including uc. I have no furniture curtains any appliances.

OP the things you list that stop you going back to your own place are inconvenient but not impossible to overcome.

On a local FB group someone near me asked for furniture and appliances to get them started and were inundated with offers.

It is not going to get easier to leave than now, and I guarantee he is not going to get nicer. ‘Shut up fat bitch fat fat fat fat fat’ was just the start.

He feels even more able to behave like this because he thinks he has you trapped. It will get worse.

Please get your home back, dont give back the keys. Your family, friends and local groups will help you settle in again.

Please don't stay with him.

OP, this is the real start of your relationship with him. Before now he was moderating his behaviour because you had your own place and could leave him. Now he has you under his roof and pregnant he thinks he has all the power, so has taken his mask off and is showing his real self. I can almost guarantee, this is just the start. There are many warning signs here of an abusive man. Just the thinking that you 'insulted his masculinity' tells you how he thinks men should behave and women should treat them. Coupled with his lack of kindness and respect, he is an abuser in waiting.
I understand its hard to leave. But if you can't, at the very least make sure you keep your friends and family close if you have them. You will need their support in time, so however persuasive he is, if you do one thing, don't allow him to distance you from them.

Ugh. So much is revealed by these exchanges with your partner.

First of all, he resorts to 'fat' - which let's face it, is pretty basic. A lot of men will target a woman's appearance when they're looking to hurt. A lot of men think being called fat or ugly is the worst insult...after all, women are there to be ornamental for men aren't they? If you're fat or ugly you're worthless in their eyes. It's the most horrible thing they can think of to say. Those men are not intelligent men nor are they kind men.

Secondly, he tells you it's your fault he resorted to insults. You 'made him'. Well no you fucking didn't. He chooses how to respond and behave and he chose to insult you. The fact that he frames it as your own doing does not bode well for your future at all. It's an ingrained mindset and it's toxic. He has a sense of self-entitlement that you have no hope of changing.

Sorry and all that. I know you're vulnerable as hell right now.

Thanks and don't apologise @pictoosh I'm taking all these comments on board

I mean who calls their own pregnant wife a 'fat bitch' except an utter fuckwit?

i am due to give the keys back next week I can't move back in as its now empty.
Is someone else lined up to move in? Phone up and ask if it would be possible to change your mind last-minute. Maybe not - but maybe it would be possible and that would be a lot simpler for you.

A bit of extra bother now, picking up furniture and sorting out the gas, or years of abuse going forward, then something happens and you have to find a new place anyway - what's the better deal?

What age are the little ones?

My god, talk about focusing on the wrong thing. The "fat" part is the least of your worries. I wouldn't tolerate my husband deliberately trying to hurt me during a disagreement at all, that's not how people who love each other behave.

Be more concerned that both of you are having vicious arguments in front of the kids. Be concerned by the fact he feels comfortable swearing at you and calling you nasty names at all, but be even more concerned that he's doing it in front of the kids.

That's awful anytime
Especially in front of kids

I'm going to ring this afternoon about the keys I didn't even think about someone else waiting to move in arghh
Thanks all

From your daughters response, I guess this isn't the first time he's been verbally aggressive with you in front of her?

Any man who says “you insulted my masculinity” is an arse, a complete waste of space.

Your poor daughter is growing up watching this and will internalise it therefore normalising it and will become vulnerable to suffering from domestic violence herself.

It's highly unlikely you will leave as it's so very common for women to stay with these men because bad company seems to be better than no company for some. Please try to do the right thing. Your daughter and the new baby are living in an abusive environment. It's abuse to call someone a fat bitch. Are you comfortable being called a Bitch?

Then follows it up by what he believes is the ultimate insult to the OP's femininity, calling her 'fat'. Absolute bellend.

Well he's abusing you and abusing your dc by abusing you in front of them.

The only question is how long the DCs will have to suffer this?

That's awful! And to think of your daughter hearing it too - completely unacceptable and damaging to both you and your daughter. Is he often like this? I can't imagine staying with a him who treated me like that.

Please try & keep your home, the fact that his behaviour has escalated so quickly is really worrying!

Oh shit, so you're about to move in? That's why he's upping the abuse. He thinks he has you trapped. Massive red flag.

Also the insulting his masculinity talk. Very worrying. Seriously, scary.

A real man would never talk to a woman that way. And would tell any man who did, to fuck right off. Also, a real man apologises for his wrongdoings.

Tell whomever you give the keys to that your partner just called you a bitch and you've decided living with him isn't safe (because it isn't) so if they could let you stay longer,that would be great.

If they can't, go to your parents. Even if it means you and the kids sleeping in the living room, so what? Cramped is better than abused.

Seriously op this is a massive turning point in your life.
Choice 1. Move in with an abusive man. Struggle to leave. Raise children seeing you being abused who then grow up and repeat the cycle for themselves. Whether you leave in 2 years or 20...the damage will be done. Your self esteem will be short. And this bully will have stolen years of happiness from you.
Choice 2. End it. Struggle for a short while with living situation. But raise strong children who see their mother say no to bullies and walk away from them. Make and pursue new dreams that he would only have shot down. Find a partner that treats you with love, respect and kindness.

Choose wisely!

OP

Definitely try and get back into the house.

Rethink the pregnancy.

Put the word out to family, friends on FB if necessary that you emptied your house to move in with an abusive man and that you need help to re set up the house.

I have absolutely no doubt that this abuse is as a direct result of him thinking you are stuck.

Reach out.
Don't be ashamed.
Be honest.
You want to protect your children from this abuse.

I would re think the pregnancy.
You have enough children to keep safe from him.

I would never stay in a relationship with a man who called me a fat bitch. In front of your child is even worse. Scumbag.

Do you have anyone in real life you can talk to about this?

Thank you all I have called up and they are going to cancell leaving notice.
There is no way i can post on a group asking for help when a week or so ago I gave everything away on said group. Plus I know people on there, its embarrassing.
I will have to stay here until I can get the basics ie beds, fridge freezer sofa.
I just need to re start my uc and I am back in work Monday it's bad timing.

Plus I know people on there, its embarrassing.

If they judge they don't matter and if they matter they don't judge.

However, I know it's difficult.