OLD. My goodness grief.

[Joewessex]

Evening evening and I hope you all had a nice Easter weekend.

if possible, I’d like to get a perspective of OLD from women.

if I’m honest, I find it hideous. Hideous in that it’s soul destroying. Whilst that sounds dramatic, I’m at my wits end wondering what I’m doing wrong.

Match after match and lots of silence. I don’t get why people are on it.

I thought I was a handsome guy, I’m definitely fit as I gym enough to have a body to show for it but I’m thinking something is wrong with my approach. I’m 47, no kids (I can’t have them) and I’ve been single 18 months. I’ve had a dozen dates but it just feels flat. One was quite amazing but she announced she was still married and with her ex at the date.

Im educated, dress well and have the usual stuff like my own home and a decent career. But finding a partner seems to be impossible nowadays. It used to be fun.

I do get out and about as I kayak, row, gym, climb and paddleboard etc but nothing comes of things nowadays. I’m a little bit shy so my confidence isn’t all there all the time but I soon warm up.

Any advice?

thank you ☺️

I think you've been given good advice here about what changes to make to your profile.

But I'm very struck by you writing:
" The gym and healthy living are my church, keep me sane and healthy."

Not a lot of people would use the word 'church' in that context.

I have also been very overweight and do a lot of different physical stuff now, partially to keep my weight down, and partially because I just love being free and wild and active in a way I might not if I hadn't come from a place of being so burdened by my body. So I really get it. I'm church of the long run all the way.

But bearing that in mind, I think you'd be frustrated not to be able to share that in a relationship and should be looking for someone to do all this stuff with, not someone to date when you aren't doing all this stuff. I think you should be specifically looking for a woman with that mindset.

Have you thought about going to CrossFit? Everyone I know there who went single is...... no longer single.

The rewritten version is much better. Hate the mummy says & playing references.

Although if you're looking for a proper relationship, tinder is not the place - isn't it just for sex?

'Playing in the sea' makes you sound about five years old. Be specific about what you actually do (surfing? cold water swimming? speedboating?)

Other than one slightly defensive quip to one poster (maybe have a think about why you did that) you have responded with maturity and grace to suggestions. That's how you show that you are genuine and considerate. Thoes sorts of behaviours have the be shown not stated, leave words like that out. Show them once you get to chatting and dates.

You more recent post answering questions was far far better. I liked that you talked about filling your time with hobbies but don't seem so set on them that you wouldn't be open to trying others or dropping some to have time to fit in a relationship. Personally, that what I'd want to hear that while you have a busy life, you want to share a life with somebody else not just have the slot into your 3 hour a week open spot.

I understand your age range only being a guide, but if women can see that (can they?) on your profile and are say a year old, they aren't likely to match with you because it would feel like they already aren't your ideal and that you would be stating with a compromise. I'd set it to 40 to 50.

Although I must admit, the invitation for people to PM on here totally put me off you but I get that might be a very personal reaction.

I took the church bit to be a reference to a Faithless song

Have you tried meetups. I'm part of a social walking group.In my group some are single,some are not. There are other groups that are specifically for singles and many have age bands so you could find one that suits your age. Don't go in looking for a date. Just go and do stuff with single,like minded people and see what happens. There will be lots if groups in your area and lots of women without children/ with older children who are able to do weekends away kayaking with a group etc. Be friendly, but not too much, talk to everyone in the group, don't tell 'man jokes' and don't be sucked into an 'alpha male ' moment with the other men.

@Joewessex - there you go! You nailed it. Add something about you said about connection and shared values. It's so crucial when looking for a long term relationship.

Do you need to write your height in the description? I never did Tinder, is that not already entered somewhere?
If you say that you're a cultured gent, that can make it sound like you think you're a cultured gent, i.e. may be supercilious or suffering from Good Guy syndrome.
If you were a mate of mine I'd also tell you to scrap the other profile and put some of what you wrote above.

I’m looking to share my life with someone and everything that it brings with it such as being in love and being there for one another. We all have our own lives that we bring to the party.

I’ve filled my life with activities as I’m not a fan of sitting home alone all the time - I start doing DIY. So my outdoor activities are just my way of keeping busy. But the gym and healthy living are my church, keep me sane and healthy.

The woman I’d like to meet needs to be full of spirit character and have a bit of her own thing going on that can complement mine if that’s possible . But sometimes, worlds collide and that’s fun too. You can’t beat intimacy and I’m tactile so cuddles are very much welcomed.

I'm spontaneous and romantic and I do like to the dating stuff like lovely meals at restaurants and falling for each other. I guess I want a lot don’t I.

With all of the kayaking, rowing, gym, climbing and paddle boarding, I would be wondering whether you even had time to date, and would imagine playing second fiddle to your sporting life. That's a turn off for me.

You can't have kids, but you haven't included this on your bio. If you are looking for women as young as 39, many of these will be looking to start a family. Those need weeding out.

You don't mention what you do for a living, which is important. I don't think you said whether you have your own home. Again - important.

Do you have pets?

Do you like going on holiday or travelling - you don't say? This is important to many - I do the Caribbean most years and lie in the sun drinking cocktails and being lazy. I'm doing a transatlantic city break next week. It's important that me and DH are on the same page re travel.

I don't understand the bit about sunsets, it just sounds corny.

Also - and I think this is the biggest thing for me - your age range of 39-47 is a mistake, imo. Women over 47 tend to be more financially stable and often, if they do have children, they are grown up, or almost grown up, meaning that they have more time to date and less responsibility. They also won't be looking for someone to father a child with, because they have done all that. Why don't you try for one week, contacting women who are 47-55, and just see how that compares?

im 28 so not the target audience but tbh I would scrap all of it - no offence!
first of all I think it's way too long, even the rewritten version.
also, describing yourself as a gent and the walks in the sunset are a bit cringe tbh, just comes across super cliche and doesn't actually show any personality
From personal experience the profiles I respond to best to are a lot shorter - 3 or 4 lines and a bit funny to show of some personality

just my advise so feel free to ignore!

I'm allergic to guys who self describe as gents they end up being wankers. Being a gent or a funny for that matter is up to me to decide.
I think you should consider dating older women and be clearer about what sort of long term or casual do you want.
There is a lot of booze, I'd wonder if you're an alkie.
Doesn't tinder have a stats of your height if it does then leave it out of your bio but if tinder doesn't show stats then keep it but maybe at the bottom. It sounds like you're leading with your physical appearance, cliches and telling women what you think they want to hear, like the be vulnerable part.
If you're going on dates ok then you should review what's been happening on the dates and afterwards. Good luck Joe

Everybody and their dog like nights out nights in sunsets sunrise pizza and going for walks. Be direct and specific about who you are, what you want and who you want to meet for what sort of relationship. Don't lead with your height you just sound like 'I know the game and you're all shallow' its like a woman leading with her bra size.

All there means hasn't been castrated, again alluding to your dick (charming!) or mocking dementia etc as it means has all mental/cognitive faculties.

Being funny is actually very hard and not everyone has the skill to be funny and it's even harder through text so just be direct, specific and genuine. Trying too hard to sound funny and witty backfires. It just sounds contrived and giving 'the ladies' the magic soup word formula to drop their knickers.

What @KillerSandy said just after midnight.

Your intro is awful, " vunerable, gent, held together by freckles",

to me just reads creepy. Mentioning your mother?!!!

I put up something for a laugh and it worked. Mind, I was 100% honest about what I was after.

I met my wife through it and we have been together nearly 20 years now.

From what I can see on here and from what my wife says to me women get a much worse deal OLD, men depressed, obsessed with their ex, lying about almost everything in their life, up to their eyes in debt, pretending they want a real relationship but really just after a shag.

Re the query about height on profiles...

Women are very heightest in general, most want someone taller

So tall men tend to say "I'm 6'3, apparently that matters" (smug)

Or lie, and hope you don't notice the missing 3 inches

Or stay silent. When i met DP he hadn't mentioned his height but I was pleased to find he's 5'10.

I think your profile sounds good and that you sound very interesting with all your hobbies. They're all things I would like to try and would be amazing dates.

However, echoing previous posters, it would make me feel out of my depth. I, like many women in your age range, have kids - and I look like I have kids, wouldn't have the time for full days of beach fun and would also be afraid that a prospective partner who doesn't have kids wouldn't be let down/not understand this over a long term basis - nit being able to be spontaneous when the weather is good, of cancelling last minute when the kids are sick, not being able to go away for long weekends and a time limit being on dates restricting what we can do etc

So yes, I do think you sound like a catch, and I would enjoy talking to you or perhaps a date with you but long term, my insecurities would say we're not compatible and that I'm punching up. I think beyween the ages of 39-47, a lot of women might be in the same boat.... and their lack of time might be the reason they're on the dating sites in the first place?

The obsession with fitness, your health/body and younger woman would put most women off.

Anyone that puts 'gent' is a worry. A gent that likes younger woman.

You appear too physical. What cerebral activities do you like?

I mean most people like to be healthy but if exercise is your church you sound hedonistic and intrinsically selfish.

I get where you're coming from with the gym bit as it's my happy place. Don't take it out if it's part of who you are. If you want to attract people with similar interests you need to leave them in.

If I had seen your profile I would have swiped.

Yup.

And I was majorly cringing at all the I'd date you offers. There is a reason why he's not progressing beyond first/second dates- and the profile i- despite all it's icks isn't it.

I guess I felt bad as a few had mentioned it so I wanted to say that I was ok with it.

I’d like to thank everyone for their replies. I’m happy with the response and I’ll leave it here. Thank you.

I’d like to thank everyone for their replies. I’m happy with the response and I’ll leave it here. Thank you

😂😂😂
its now live and has clearly struck a chord for the many women who are also OLD

youll be getting a few more replies I’m afraid

Mmm. I think @aurynne makes a valid point. Men wanting younger women who are not enjoying success may want to reconsider their preference. Women wanting younger men who find there are plenty interested don't need to change a thing. Supply and demand.
She is also alerting the OP to the fact that just as he prefers younger women, there are increasing numbers of women out there preferring younger men, which as an older man, is an added disadvantage to the OP, if he maintain his strict preference for younger women.