Page 8 | OLD. My goodness grief.

gerbilcrocus · 11/04/2023 08:05

As evidenced from the OP's responses to the critique to his profile on here, his profile isn't a perfect description of him, and no profile can ever be!

My point is that lots of posters seem to be writing off the OP's profile by reading far too much into it, like that he's a borderline alcoholic or some kind of mummy's boy sub, which is all rather silly... Yes, profiles give you a flavour, and often there's some
major stuff on there to put you off, but it's daft to read too much into them.

ClarabelleRose · 11/04/2023 08:07

Are you funny, kind, respectful? Those are the qualities I would look for, over a gym bod or if you go kayaking.

Your profile is mostly about the things you do rather than who you are. There’s a difference.

Having said that, you are getting dates but then they’re not successful. I wonder what’s going on there? Is it in your selection process? Is it more you rejecting your dates or vice versa? Always worth looking to see if there’s any patterns.

aurynne · 11/04/2023 08:09

Joey69 · 11/04/2023 07:57

So why did you not just give your advice and leave it at that ?,
Why add your own preference, and yes is an absolute double standard from you., it’s so as I say and not as I do, that is exactly how it reads.

Show quote history

Because when I post in an online forum I write whatever I want? Did you expect me to ask you for permission before posting?

gerbilcrocus · 11/04/2023 08:09

@Joewessex

I am quite taken aback by this. Well if anyone does want to say hi, send me a DM. Could be the best thing I’ve done, coming on here for advice. ☺️

Well, you've shown you can actually engage in normal (albeit text based) conversation and accept
constructive criticism without getting shirty. You've come across as the kind of decent 40-something guy without any obvious baggage that is very elusive in the world of OLD. Keep going on OLD and i doubt it will be too long before you strike lucky.

QueefQueen80s · 11/04/2023 08:10

@aurynne I brought up the age thing too but you're a hypocrite if you don't go older too.

The cut off at his own age is VERY offputting.

QueefQueen80s · 11/04/2023 08:11

And I'm saying this as a 38 year old so not reacting defensively. I would just love to know why the cut off?

OriGanOver · 11/04/2023 08:13

OP if you're on Facebook join adventures singles 2. Loads of meet ups and adventures in groups meaning you can meet people in real life.

Suzi888 · 11/04/2023 08:14

“The cut off at his own age is VERY off putting.”

Why? He is allowed to date younger if he wants to, same as a woman can. I wouldn’t date anyone younger than me. 🤷🏼‍♀️
It’s pointless saying he is open to dating 50 plus if he actually isn’t! That’s just silly.

I would take out the bit about being ‘all there’. I don’t understand what that means….

aurynne · 11/04/2023 08:14

QueefQueen80s · 11/04/2023 08:10

@aurynne I brought up the age thing too but you're a hypocrite if you don't go older too.

The cut off at his own age is VERY offputting.

I am not even in OLD, and going for my age and younger works for me.

He is in OLD and what he is doing does not work.

I have zero need to change what I do. I am happy. It's not "double standards" to recommend someone to do something that may work for them, regardless whether the person recommending it is doing it themselves or not. I have a good salary, so I don't need to work two jobs, but if a person was not making enough money I would recommend them to work another job... I can't see the double standard when the situations are completely different. But hey-ho, each to their own.

Original poster

Joewessex · 11/04/2023 08:14

QueefQueen80s · 11/04/2023 08:11

And I'm saying this as a 38 year old so not reacting defensively. I would just love to know why the cut off?

Mine doesn’t have a “cut off” it’s just a guide as I unticked ”only show people in this range” box. Age is quite irrelevant to a point, it’s more about the connection and the shared values. ☺️

OP posts:

FellPuck · 11/04/2023 08:25

It's best to be as specific as possible in the profile, because that helps it to stand-out in the sea of similar-sounding profiles, and also filters out people who wouldn't really get you.

So no "I like music" (you and everyone else too!) - talk about your favourite gig, instead. No "I like hiking", which route is next on your list? What are you known for among your friends? What do you give the best recommendations for?

Don't self-Label yourself with things like "I'm a gent", "I'm a nice guy", etc this is like calling yourself smart - other people will decide if that's true or not. Calling yourself it doesn't make it accurate!

If you have any female friends it would be worth getting them to check your profile and pictures, and maybe even some of your recent conversations, as it's very easy to do small things that put people off.

I'm always surprised by how many men forget to ask any questions during an OLD conversation, for example, so they end up killing it dead because I get bored of doing all of the asking and having to reply to their statements. I'd also say, don't spend weeks messaging, try to move it to an in-person meet fairly soon, as you can't really tell anything until you've met them.

HubertTheGoat · 11/04/2023 08:25

Stravaig · 10/04/2023 23:39

I’m held together by freckles and burn in moonlight so factor 50 all the way.

Well I love your final line; but then I'm a Scot of the peely wally freckled variety, so it's wonderfully evocative for me. Not sure if it would be so widely and wryly appreciated though.

I was really confused by this line but get it now. A bit clunky, but a comma would help. I didn't understand what 'burn in moonlight' was or how it held you together 😂

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 11/04/2023 08:28

Joewessex · 10/04/2023 22:16

Good questions.

i guess I’m looking to share my life with someone and everything that it brings with it such a being in love and being there for one another. Kids or no kids. We all have our own lives that we bring to the party.

I’ve filled my life with activities as I’m not a fan of sitting home alone all the time - I start doing DIY. So my outdoor activities are just my way of keeping busy. But the gym and healthy living are my church, keep me sane and healthy.

The woman I’d like to meet needs to be full of spirit and have a bit of her own thing going on that can complement mine if that’s possible . But sometimes, worlds collide and that’s fun too. You can’t beat intimacy and I’m tactile so cuddles are very much welcomed.

I’m quite independent and love my own space to think and get work stuff out of my mind and sometimes I need to just be left for an hour to process things. I have a very demanding job that like to leave at work. So the gym helps with this, it’s Joe time.

The gentleman bit is me saying I’m polite and have decent moral standards. Body wise I do have a muscular body but I work hard at that but I’m not looking for someone to gym like me, it’s just my thing.

I'm spontaneous and romantic and I do like to the dating stuff like lovely meals at restaurants and falling for each other. I guess I want a lot don’t I.

Show quote history

Now that is a good opener

FellPuck · 11/04/2023 08:29

Also to add, OP, you come across well in this thread, so I suspect you will do well when you actually meet women, it just sounds like perhaps getting the in-person meets is the trickier part.

Someone else mentioned the Facebook Adventure Singles 2 group above - check it out and get yourself along to some of their events.

FeodoraVictoria · 11/04/2023 08:30

I love the final line in your profile as shows you are self-deprecating and have a GSOH. I wouldn’t remove it as it’s a good filter for women who understand the humour and enjoy a witty man.

If it hasn’t been mentioned already, just never get sexual in DM chats unless the woman does. So many women are put off by dick pics and guys getting sexual in DM chats very quickly.

Mendholeai · 11/04/2023 08:32

No offence but the sunsets etc part of your profile is cliche.

You say “finer things” then talk about “muddy hikes” which most people wouldn’t associate with “finer”.

Mentioning your mum in a profile isn’t great

Other than that you are by no means the only one who finds old hard work! I agree that having genuine intentions and then meeting married liars is soul destroying. I wish I had a good answer for you

VeggieSalsa · 11/04/2023 08:32

I asked Chat GPT to write you a bio, and I would be more likely to swipe on that than yours:

Sure, here's a sample Tinder profile for a 47-year-old man who is into fitness and sea sports and looking for a long-term relationship:

Hey there! I'm John, a 47-year-old guy who is passionate about fitness and sea sports. If you're looking for someone who loves staying active and exploring the ocean, I might just be the guy for you!
When I'm not hitting the gym or out on the water, I enjoy hiking, camping, and trying new healthy recipes in the kitchen. I also love to travel and experience different cultures, and I'm always up for an adventure.
I'm looking for someone who shares my passion for staying active and living a healthy lifestyle. Someone who enjoys a good challenge and is willing to try new things. I value honesty, communication, and a strong emotional connection, and I'm hoping to find someone who feels the same way.
If you think we might hit it off, swipe right and let's get to know each other!

It will need a bit of tailoring, and you should add your burning in moonlight bit back in … but equally it might be that we are just not compatible (and so my opinion is totally meaningless!!) as I found a few bits of your bio unappealing.

BoredOfThisMansWorld · 11/04/2023 08:38

Your age range might be hampering your search.

I totally get that keeping yourself in great shape will make you physically attractive to younger women. But think about the life stage that the lower half of your age range will be at. Some will be desperately hoping to have kids, which you can't. And others will have tricky lives managing sharing their potentially quite young kids with their ex. The latter group might assume your adrenaline packed lifestyle won't fit with their lives.

Is there any reason you can't extend your range up as far as you extend it down? Women your own age and a little older are more likely to be settled with not having kids or to have older kids. Many are just as fit, attractive and active as you! (And I don't say this as a personal gripe. I'm the lower end of your age range but not looking).

Joey69 · 11/04/2023 08:38

aurynne · 11/04/2023 08:09

Because when I post in an online forum I write whatever I want? Did you expect me to ask you for permission before posting?

Show quote history

I thought your advice was good, but that line just stood out like a sore thumb

ClarabelleRose · 11/04/2023 08:39

Joewessex · 10/04/2023 22:16

Good questions.

i guess I’m looking to share my life with someone and everything that it brings with it such a being in love and being there for one another. Kids or no kids. We all have our own lives that we bring to the party.

I’ve filled my life with activities as I’m not a fan of sitting home alone all the time - I start doing DIY. So my outdoor activities are just my way of keeping busy. But the gym and healthy living are my church, keep me sane and healthy.

The woman I’d like to meet needs to be full of spirit and have a bit of her own thing going on that can complement mine if that’s possible . But sometimes, worlds collide and that’s fun too. You can’t beat intimacy and I’m tactile so cuddles are very much welcomed.

I’m quite independent and love my own space to think and get work stuff out of my mind and sometimes I need to just be left for an hour to process things. I have a very demanding job that like to leave at work. So the gym helps with this, it’s Joe time.

The gentleman bit is me saying I’m polite and have decent moral standards. Body wise I do have a muscular body but I work hard at that but I’m not looking for someone to gym like me, it’s just my thing.

I'm spontaneous and romantic and I do like to the dating stuff like lovely meals at restaurants and falling for each other. I guess I want a lot don’t I.

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This! This should be pretty much your profile. It says so much more about you than you enjoy hiking, the gym, etc.

In your original profile there’s nothing to set you apart from 90% of men on apps. But what you’ve said here would definitely put you in the other 10%.

Good luck - you sound great! I’d date you and I live locally, but I’m too old!

DuesExMachina · 11/04/2023 08:40

Joewessex · 10/04/2023 19:51

Evening evening and I hope you all had a nice Easter weekend.

if possible, I’d like to get a perspective of OLD from women.

if I’m honest, I find it hideous. Hideous in that it’s soul destroying. Whilst that sounds dramatic, I’m at my wits end wondering what I’m doing wrong.

Match after match and lots of silence. I don’t get why people are on it.

I thought I was a handsome guy, I’m definitely fit as I gym enough to have a body to show for it but I’m thinking something is wrong with my approach. I’m 47, no kids (I can’t have them) and I’ve been single 18 months. I’ve had a dozen dates but it just feels flat. One was quite amazing but she announced she was still married and with her ex at the date.

Im educated, dress well and have the usual stuff like my own home and a decent career. But finding a partner seems to be impossible nowadays. It used to be fun.

I do get out and about as I kayak, row, gym, climb and paddleboard etc but nothing comes of things nowadays. I’m a little bit shy so my confidence isn’t all there all the time but I soon warm up.

Any advice?

thank you ☺️

There are 100's of men who have profiles exactly like this

What makes you unique?

What's your favourite book for example?

Where does your mind go when you're bored?

You're listing stuff, not providing an insight into who you are

FriendsDrinkBook · 11/04/2023 08:43

There's a massive disconnection between your profile and the way you come across here. I met my husband on OLD and I liked his profile because it was honest. Tell your audience why you like to stay fit , write a little about your negative experiences on OLD sites - it's funny and relatable. Be you and don't overthink it.

Good luck.

Astrabees · 11/04/2023 08:48

I know three male people who have done on line dating, two of them my sons. DS1 has not had a lot of luck, but he is very picky. DS2 met his girlfriend on line and I think they will marry. The real surprise is the old friend who is 76, he joined “our time “ and has been inundated with replies, he is currently seeing a lovely lady who can ‘t get enough of him. I wonder if you might do better with an introduction agency ? I know someone who met her partner that way.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 11/04/2023 08:48

ClarabelleRose

agree 1000%

I don’t fool myself that I get alot of likes as my photos basically show me as being fairly attractive and in shape (and realistic in that im 49 not 29 !)

but I do think having a very honest profile means I’ve met more people that I click with

anyway the hits mean nothing as was basically inundated with men wanting sex 🥴🥴

AngelinaFibres · 11/04/2023 08:50

Joewessex · 10/04/2023 22:16

Good questions.

i guess I’m looking to share my life with someone and everything that it brings with it such a being in love and being there for one another. Kids or no kids. We all have our own lives that we bring to the party.

I’ve filled my life with activities as I’m not a fan of sitting home alone all the time - I start doing DIY. So my outdoor activities are just my way of keeping busy. But the gym and healthy living are my church, keep me sane and healthy.

The woman I’d like to meet needs to be full of spirit and have a bit of her own thing going on that can complement mine if that’s possible . But sometimes, worlds collide and that’s fun too. You can’t beat intimacy and I’m tactile so cuddles are very much welcomed.

I’m quite independent and love my own space to think and get work stuff out of my mind and sometimes I need to just be left for an hour to process things. I have a very demanding job that like to leave at work. So the gym helps with this, it’s Joe time.

The gentleman bit is me saying I’m polite and have decent moral standards. Body wise I do have a muscular body but I work hard at that but I’m not looking for someone to gym like me, it’s just my thing.

I'm spontaneous and romantic and I do like to the dating stuff like lovely meals at restaurants and falling for each other. I guess I want a lot don’t I.

Show quote history

Use lots of this in your profile. I was dating years ago as a single parent with 2 children. I didn't want another husband and I wouldn't be any good at snow boarding and scuba diving so I wouldn't have looked at you because I would have felt that my life just couldnt have fitted with yours. Your profile makes you sound like you love yourself a little more than you could ever love anyone else. A bit smooooooth. What you wrote here is genuine and lovely.