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Original poster

OLD. My goodness grief.

282 replies

Joewessex · 10/04/2023 19:51

Evening evening and I hope you all had a nice Easter weekend.

if possible, I’d like to get a perspective of OLD from women.

if I’m honest, I find it hideous. Hideous in that it’s soul destroying. Whilst that sounds dramatic, I’m at my wits end wondering what I’m doing wrong.

Match after match and lots of silence. I don’t get why people are on it.

I thought I was a handsome guy, I’m definitely fit as I gym enough to have a body to show for it but I’m thinking something is wrong with my approach. I’m 47, no kids (I can’t have them) and I’ve been single 18 months. I’ve had a dozen dates but it just feels flat. One was quite amazing but she announced she was still married and with her ex at the date.

Im educated, dress well and have the usual stuff like my own home and a decent career. But finding a partner seems to be impossible nowadays. It used to be fun.

I do get out and about as I kayak, row, gym, climb and paddleboard etc but nothing comes of things nowadays. I’m a little bit shy so my confidence isn’t all there all the time but I soon warm up.

Any advice?

thank you ☺️

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 11/04/2023 10:46

TheVastKingdom · 10/04/2023 23:01

Haha! Yes! That he's not replying quickly on this thread makes me think he's fielding PMs left, right and centre. Either that, or he's busy drinking vodka on his paddle board.

Show quote history

😂😂

80s · 11/04/2023 11:10

The cut off at his own age is VERY offputting
I'd also be more impressed by someone who at the very least appeared open-minded towards women a year or two older than them. But I'd only be put off entirely if he'd set it as 18-47, 20-47 etc. like many men do.
It's a bit odd, as in real life men don't seem that bothered by older women, and in many cases they seem actively delighted. Where are they on OLD?

Myfabby · 11/04/2023 11:12

Thisisworsethananticpated · 11/04/2023 10:38

I’d like to thank everyone for their replies. I’m happy with the response and I’ll leave it here. Thank you

😂😂😂
its now live and has clearly struck a chord for the many women who are also OLD

youll be getting a few more replies I’m afraid

He's had enough of the criticism and enough DM's 😂

gerbilcrocus · 11/04/2023 11:58

rewilded · 11/04/2023 09:51

The obsession with fitness, your health/body and younger woman would put most women off.

Anyone that puts 'gent' is a worry. A gent that likes younger woman.

You appear too physical. What cerebral activities do you like?

I mean most people like to be healthy but if exercise is your church you sound hedonistic and intrinsically selfish.

Ffs, he put 39-47 and he's 47... It's not like he put 18-29!

Dating isn't equal opportunities. If he want to date women his age and a few years younger that's his choice, and he shouldn't feel guilted into increasing his age range simply because some posters feel put out because it makes them feel past it!

aurynne · 11/04/2023 12:01

@gerbilcrocus the comment about the age range is one more of many comments that were made as the request of the OP, who was asking for advice. He is free to follow it or not. I haven't seen any woman put out by that comment, and suggesting it's because it makes them feel "past it" makes you sound quite bitter yourself.

gerbilcrocus · 11/04/2023 12:05

On the plus side, you say you're getting match after match... Apparently many men on OLD struggle to get any at all!

Unusual that none of your 12 dates have progressed. Is that mainly you or them? In my experience, at least half my first dates led to a second date...

bellabellaIzzie · 11/04/2023 12:39

Dating isn't equal opportunities. If he want to date women his age and a few years younger that's his choice, and he shouldn't feel guilted into increasing his age range simply because some posters feel put out because it makes them feel past it!

I'm 39, at the minimum lower end of his age requirements, so it's not because I feel past it, though I doubt I would anyway. It's more that it doesn't sit well he only wants to date younger people. It's his choice as you say...but it would put me off and he did ask for opinions.

Original poster
Joewessex · 11/04/2023 12:49

To correct this debate. I don’t have a limit upper or lower. It was set automatically but I unticked the box that made the limits mandatory. It is quite open and not visible.

The dates I have had have been a mixture and some have led to 2/3 dates but either on my side or their side it wasn’t right. It’s easy to continue with something you feel isn’t right but I’m quite open and transparent.

OP posts:
80s · 11/04/2023 12:52

he shouldn't feel guilted into increasing his age range simply because some posters feel put out because it makes them feel past it!
I don't feel put out by OP's choice, and I don't see it as in relation to me at all. I think it makes him look closed-minded if he can't imagine being with a women even a year older than him. OP is looking for tips on why he's not getting as many responses as he'd hoped. This is one such (minor) tip. If he thinks it won't make much of a difference then he can shrug his shoulders and ignore it.

Mammyloveswine · 11/04/2023 12:56

MrsMitford3 · 10/04/2023 20:53

tbh your profile only needs "i like pina colodas" to be perfect.

remove your mum's opinion. "All there" sounds like how to describe an intact male dog.

You have great hobbies and sound like a nice guy-do you belong to a rowing club? Think you might do better in real life? Your profile is trying too hard to say too much-

Also try Hinge? Tinder more hook up?

Good luck

Add "and getting caught in the rain".

80s · 11/04/2023 13:05

The dates I have had have been a mixture and some have led to 2/3 dates but either on my side or their side it wasn’t right.
Sounds very normal. I had dates with 5 other men before meeting my current dp. I was not looking for a LTR, so was pretty much happy to take anyone I could imagine having a bit of fun with. He was a lot of fun, and unexpectedly turned out to be a good match, too.

potniatheron · 11/04/2023 13:06

If I'm honest? Your profile gives off weirdo vibes. Don't mention your mum or the freckles. Don't use the phrase 'play in the sea', it sounds like a euphemism for some kind of BDSM activity. Likewise don't say you like 'being vulnerable' - it makes it sound like you just want someone to moan at.

Also what age range of women are you fishing in? if late 30s early 40s, they may well be women who want kids and see this as their last chance to find a mate, which could be why you're not getting a second date.

Notanothernewname · 11/04/2023 13:10

I'm 45 I had my limit 34-45 so what. Not everyone wants to date someone 10 years older. Although I see the double standards in that. Maybe I'll alter it by a few years next time I try it.

rewilded · 11/04/2023 13:14

So why would you expect a 34 year old to date you?

Mammyloveswine · 11/04/2023 13:19

rewilded · 11/04/2023 13:14

So why would you expect a 34 year old to date you?

I'm 36 and I think he sounds canny! So id swipe!

I mean I'm married with two young children and my hobbies include drinking cheap wine, watching the crown and listening to murder podcasts so I doubt I'd be a match for macho man anyway Grin

Original poster
Joewessex · 11/04/2023 13:21

So we can all be in the know, I’ll be open about how the dates have gone:

  1. Lovely women with 2 kids. (48) My type but revealed on date one that she had just found out that her husband of 20 years had been having an affair for 4 years. She was very raw as it was a week ago. We are still in touch but she has a bit of a journey.
  2. Lovely (40), two kids we met in France as I was on holiday. We had 3 dates but she was a billionaires daughter and she didn’t think I was ready for “her world.”
  3. Very odd date. (42) She couldn’t even look at me she was so shy. I felt for her a lot but it wouldn’t work.
  4. Amazing date.(39) Still has the husband at home and getting divorced but we are still in touch.
  5. 3 dates in the same country pub (due to awful weather). (48)We got on but she didn’t feel it.
  6. Lovely date, (39) similar professions but she didn’t feel it.
  7. A younger date (37), very chatty, lovely and we kissed on the first date. Set a time for another date but I just didn’t feel a spark following the date.
  8. Sporty, (44) lovely on the date but very hard to organise anything. I gave up as I felt she was playing the field.
  9. Drink and a walk and a second date of dinner. (45) Loved this date but she didn’t want a relationship.
  10. Another younger date. (36) Dinner, walk, another dinner. She’s lovely, a bit younger than I thought I’d match with but she has odd table manners (doesn’t put her knife and fork together when she’s finished etc)
  11. Another lovely date and then dinner. She stayed the night but really couldn’t kiss. (41) It was very off putting. I guess I could help but not sure I’m that into her.
OP posts:
IAteAllTheTomatoes · 11/04/2023 13:35

You are just messing with us now!!!

Doesn't put her knife & fork together when she's finished. How utterly uncouth!!

Bad table manner is eatin with your mouth open or picking up your steak and eating it in your hands like a burger!

You'll be single a long time of minor things like incorrect cutlery handling is a turn off!

Original poster
Joewessex · 11/04/2023 13:37

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 11/04/2023 13:35

You are just messing with us now!!!

Doesn't put her knife & fork together when she's finished. How utterly uncouth!!

Bad table manner is eatin with your mouth open or picking up your steak and eating it in your hands like a burger!

You'll be single a long time of minor things like incorrect cutlery handling is a turn off!

She did eat with her mouth open and spit too but I didn’t want to go into too much detail.

OP posts:
Livelifelaughter · 11/04/2023 13:37

Joewessex · 11/04/2023 13:21

So we can all be in the know, I’ll be open about how the dates have gone:

  1. Lovely women with 2 kids. (48) My type but revealed on date one that she had just found out that her husband of 20 years had been having an affair for 4 years. She was very raw as it was a week ago. We are still in touch but she has a bit of a journey.
  2. Lovely (40), two kids we met in France as I was on holiday. We had 3 dates but she was a billionaires daughter and she didn’t think I was ready for “her world.”
  3. Very odd date. (42) She couldn’t even look at me she was so shy. I felt for her a lot but it wouldn’t work.
  4. Amazing date.(39) Still has the husband at home and getting divorced but we are still in touch.
  5. 3 dates in the same country pub (due to awful weather). (48)We got on but she didn’t feel it.
  6. Lovely date, (39) similar professions but she didn’t feel it.
  7. A younger date (37), very chatty, lovely and we kissed on the first date. Set a time for another date but I just didn’t feel a spark following the date.
  8. Sporty, (44) lovely on the date but very hard to organise anything. I gave up as I felt she was playing the field.
  9. Drink and a walk and a second date of dinner. (45) Loved this date but she didn’t want a relationship.
  10. Another younger date. (36) Dinner, walk, another dinner. She’s lovely, a bit younger than I thought I’d match with but she has odd table manners (doesn’t put her knife and fork together when she’s finished etc)
  11. Another lovely date and then dinner. She stayed the night but really couldn’t kiss. (41) It was very off putting. I guess I could help but not sure I’m that into her.

That's interesting that actually 3 of your dates weren't really interested in a relationship. I do feel that some people use dating as a recreational past time.

Original poster
Joewessex · 11/04/2023 13:39

Livelifelaughter · 11/04/2023 13:37

That's interesting that actually 3 of your dates weren't really interested in a relationship. I do feel that some people use dating as a recreational past time.

Show quote history

They do. One of them is having dozens of first dates as she’s “not ready for a second date yet”.

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 11/04/2023 13:41

Joewessex · 11/04/2023 13:37

She did eat with her mouth open and spit too but I didn’t want to go into too much detail.

Show quote history

Fair enough! Bad table manners would be a complete no no for me. As would extreme shyness.

bellabellaIzzie · 11/04/2023 13:44

I think rewilded was talking to the pp, and not the OP, @Mammyloveswine

rewilded · 11/04/2023 13:52

mean I'm married with two young children and my hobbies include drinking cheap wine, watching the crown and listening to murder podcasts so I doubt I'd be a match for macho man anyway

Haha 😄

Original poster
Joewessex · 11/04/2023 13:53

rewilded · 11/04/2023 13:52

mean I'm married with two young children and my hobbies include drinking cheap wine, watching the crown and listening to murder podcasts so I doubt I'd be a match for macho man anyway

Haha 😄

Is any wine cheap nowadays? I do remember that Hock used to be super cheap. Vile hangovers on that!

OP posts:
tanyaturneristhegoat · 11/04/2023 13:55

I can't even get passed the talking stage with men. I've tried all approaches and have now given up lol So any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

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