him and his bloody ex

[happinessisalongwayoff]

Easter sunday tomorrow.
I have no family around, so will be on my own.
Partner is going for easter dinner with his ex, his two lads, his mum and his brother.
I'm obviously not invited.
I'm glad they are amicable for the sake of the lads but why do they have to do this fake family thing.
He's seeing his boys all day today anyway and overnight.
I'm not bothered too much if it's xmas or one of his boys bdays.
But i feel like i've been relegated, made to feel second best.
He wants to see me after. I don't want to now.
We've been together 5 years and he's been separated from her over 8 years.
I've met the boys and his family etc but i'm always last on his priorities.
He knows i wasn't happy about the prospect of this but he's still chosen to go.
We originally had plans that afternoon but now he wants to delay this.
I'm apparently being unreasonable- maybe i am, but i just feel like shit and so sad. Any advice would be appreciated.

When I had a make or break issue I wrote an essay on my phone notes of everything I wanted to say about how I felt, I edited it down and sent it and it was cathartic.
I'd do that whether you send it or not and then say you want a face to face conversation asap about it, cards on the table.(meeting somewhere you can walk is good as there's no running off to another room to sulk etc) All the should you text or not just further pushes you into a hole and you lose perspective, you are justified and deserving of the chance to express yourself and to be heard.

He could turn this around and I agree with pp that it's not as straightforward as MN sometimes make out to just leave (not a reason in itself to stay),if he acknowledges your feelings and is prepared to take action to address it maybe it can turn around and at least an attempt to try might give you closure later on if nothing else that you gave him a final chance and know you fully said what you needed to.

He is wrong... he should take you too.

He sounds like a good dad who is making it work with his ex but he also sounds like the sort who compartmentalises his life and you are in a separate 'box'. Doesn't mean he doesn't care about you or love you, its most likely happening out of habit rather than any deliberately unkind intentions toward you by anyone including the ex. They're just all comfortable with things as they are so why should they change it? However what worked for him in the first year when you were a new gf and he didn't want to rock the boat with his kids or his ex is no longer appropriate. You are chafing at still being in that box and after 5 years who wouldn't be?

If you want to continue with the relationship my advice is to tell him the time to meet the ex is long overdue, you're well known to the kids so why wouldn't their mother have met you after 5 years? If he wants you in his life your feelings and your future together have to matter more than what his ex thinks, whether she has moved on or not is nothing to do with you or him. In the early part of your relationship it was understandable but after 5 years you expect him to have you on an equal footing with the rest of the family not kept separate and left feeling like a spare part. If he can't do that and you don't want to feel like this any longer then ditch him because it will never change. People treat us how we allow ourselves to be treated and you deserve to be treated with respect, he should be happily showing you off to everyone including his ex not hiding you away.

After 5 years together…..are you not family too? Why are you not included.

I dump him if I wasn’t included in the next one otherwise it will always be this shit

What happened @op are you ok?

Any update?