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Original poster

Husbands porn searches are concerning

181 replies

Linger123345 · 03/04/2023 16:45

Would you be concerned if your partners porn searches were for "small teen porn" and "naked teen selfies"?
He's 60. Always with a porn habbit which never bothered me, although the lack of sex life did bother me.
But i recently saw his search history which hes usually very good at clearing. Small teens to me sounds like underage stuff. I don't know what to do, or if im simply overreacting.

OP posts:
G58 · 04/04/2023 15:34

Recovery Village (first result you get on Google if you type "quantity of men who use porn" ) says "up to 65% of men and 18% of women watch porn every week, though this amount could be much higher". Another site (Psychology Today) says 80% of men and 26% of women had used porn in the last week.

Looking at Recovery Village again, it says 35% of all internet downloads are porn, (which is really sad that as a human race that's the best a third of us can find to do with the internet). Another website (Relevant Magazine) said that in a recent (2019) survey of college students, 51% said they were addicted.

If you don't think your partner is using porn and if that is a red line for you, then I think CrickeyAlmighty is right with their figure and its unfair to say they are projecting.

G58 · 04/04/2023 15:35

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 15:06

unfortunately I reckon around 65% of mumsnet partners would be out the door based on having porn addictions.

Where do you get that figure from?

Sounds like you're projecting.

I know lots of men who use it minimally or moderately (as do I) ..... It's not the majority. Not sure why you want to believe it's the majority.

I'll try this quoting thingy again:

Recovery Village (first result you get on Google if you type "quantity of men who use porn" ) says "up to 65% of men and 18% of women watch porn every week, though this amount could be much higher". Another site (Psychology Today) says 80% of men and 26% of women had used porn in the last week.

Looking at Recovery Village again, it says 35% of all internet downloads are porn, (which is really sad that as a human race that's the best a third of us can find to do with the internet). Another website (Relevant Magazine) said that in a recent (2019) survey of college students, 51% said they were addicted.

If you don't think your partner is using porn and if that is a red line for you, then I think CrickeyAlmighty is right with their figure and its unfair to say they are projecting.

tolerable · 04/04/2023 15:53

no amount of talking bout it is reall gony undo-your gut reaction
thats why you have it.
ltb
asap
and daily change wifi password n deny it so he has to go out.yuk

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 15:58

says "up to 65% of men and 18% of women watch porn every week

You consider every week/once a week to be porn addiction lol

LexMitior · 04/04/2023 16:04

Another way of thinking about this is stop thinking about porn and think about the people who looking for something that looks like the abuse of children to masturbate to.

Desire is not an inert thing. It does actually say something about you. The fact that it's easy to find or commonly done does not mean it is harmless or that it means nothing. It just means you like it.

People should use their judgment, not argue that ir doesn't matter in a version of "but all my friends are looking at small teen porn so why shouldn't I?"

Honestly taste in arousal says something about you. It's lunatic to suggest it's like choosing a ready meal

G58 · 04/04/2023 16:08

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 15:58

says "up to 65% of men and 18% of women watch porn every week

You consider every week/once a week to be porn addiction lol

No. I didn't Google "amount of men who are addicted to porn". I told you the search term I used and the results I got and their source.

I also said that 51% of men in a recent survey believed they were addicted (you decided to ignore this figure I see). I also said that if you are not aware of your partner watching porn and if that is a red line for you then the PP was correct. She or anyone for which porn was a red line would consider once a week as unacceptable and in their view an addiction.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 16:17

I also said that 51% of men in a recent survey

It said 51% of college students reported they were addicted.

Not men.

That's why I ignored it.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 16:20

She or anyone for which porn was a red line would consider once a week as unacceptable and in their view an addiction.

That had zero logic towards it whatsoever.

That's like saying that if someone who's teetotal and wants their partner to be teetotal, has a partner who has a drink once a week; they can call the partner an alcoholic. Because in their view once a week is alcoholism.

And that that's valid/reasonable.

Your logic is as sound as your reporting/interpreting of surveys.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 16:21

*That has zero logic to it whatsoever.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 16:25

G58 · 04/04/2023 16:08

No. I didn't Google "amount of men who are addicted to porn". I told you the search term I used and the results I got and their source.

I also said that 51% of men in a recent survey believed they were addicted (you decided to ignore this figure I see). I also said that if you are not aware of your partner watching porn and if that is a red line for you then the PP was correct. She or anyone for which porn was a red line would consider once a week as unacceptable and in their view an addiction.

Show quote history

You were backing up the poster who said she believes 65% of MN posters partners are porn addicts.

Then you quoted the surveys.

Except what you quoted doesn't in any way corroborate the claim that 65% of MN posters partners are porn addicts. Or that 65% of any population group's partners are likely to be porn addicts.

G58 · 04/04/2023 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 04/04/2023 16:41

Absolutely gross and would be end of thee line for me. He's a sick arseehole.

Inkblue · 04/04/2023 16:42

I’m fully aware that women watch porn too. However, as a life long feminist, I think it is a vile industry and not something I would like in my relationship. There is so much outrage on here about surrogacy, for example, and other rights for women yet porn has been normalised.

OP, I hope you are coping ok.

Crikeyalmighty · 04/04/2023 16:52

@AprilFool23 I agree, I don't think it's particularly healthy either, I fully accept that- however there are many reasons I haven't left- I am in my early 60's, work together, don't own a house and I'm buggered if I'm putting myself into a very vulnerable position unless I have to. However I do think many women are oblivious to this kind of thing going on with their partners and just wanted to make that point. The 65% was from a quick Google, but to me more than once or twice a week max is pretty addicted. Im not of the mindset that says never but I do have issues when it gets like brushing your teeth and then saying that 'they aren't interested in porn' In the case of the OP, and knowledge of the content of the searches ,that to me would be enough for me to say 'bugger off' .

YouAreNotBatman · 04/04/2023 16:57

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 15:06

unfortunately I reckon around 65% of mumsnet partners would be out the door based on having porn addictions.

Where do you get that figure from?

Sounds like you're projecting.

I know lots of men who use it minimally or moderately (as do I) ..... It's not the majority. Not sure why you want to believe it's the majority.

Does it matter just how much anyone watches?
At the end of the day anyone who does, is just part of the problem (supply to a demand) and girls and women get hurt because selfish people want to choose to watch it.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 17:00

Crikeyalmighty · 04/04/2023 16:52

@AprilFool23 I agree, I don't think it's particularly healthy either, I fully accept that- however there are many reasons I haven't left- I am in my early 60's, work together, don't own a house and I'm buggered if I'm putting myself into a very vulnerable position unless I have to. However I do think many women are oblivious to this kind of thing going on with their partners and just wanted to make that point. The 65% was from a quick Google, but to me more than once or twice a week max is pretty addicted. Im not of the mindset that says never but I do have issues when it gets like brushing your teeth and then saying that 'they aren't interested in porn' In the case of the OP, and knowledge of the content of the searches ,that to me would be enough for me to say 'bugger off' .

I'm sorry to hear about your position. Can you improve it? Are you not married & entitled to half?

I understand you think once or twice a week is addicted; I suppose I was thinking along the typical lines/bench marks for addiction; fairly constant, doing it in inappropriate places, interfering with life etc.

In what context did he say he's not interested in porn? Did he know that you have a zero/low tolerance re. it? Unfortunately some people are going to lie in those circumstances.
Or did he actually say it unprompted? That's weird/very hypocritical.

I agree that most men use it and some partners may be oblivious, but be sure I don't consider once or twice a week an addiction; I wouldn't consider people who use it moderately or lightly addicts.

In this thread, there seems to have been a suggestion that the man now apparently searching unde age girls is a porn addict. Perhaps in the more widely understood definition of addiction/porn addiction . It's for that reason that I stated he should have been put out already.

MyriadOfTravels · 04/04/2023 17:01

Howdypip77 · 03/04/2023 17:27

True - presuming he was on a normal porn site than its often roleplayed type stuff is a bit whatever.

Google searching....ick. He is gonna end up in the shit. I would worry he is looking for actual teen stuff....

Show quote history

Well actually it’s likely that the teen porn is actually proper teen porn on sites like Pornhub.
Plenty of evidence that they have many videos of underage girls and images of rape (think drugged up girls etc….). Because they dint check. And even when they are told this rape, Pornhub still doesn’t take down the videos.

Im thinking if a case if a teen who was abducted. The guy raped her and put the video on there. He was arrested and sentenced - guilty! Pornhub STILL didn’t take the videos down 🤬🤬🤬🤬
But there are many many other cases.

And Pornhub is unlikely to be the worst offender.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 17:05

YouAreNotBatman · 04/04/2023 16:57

Does it matter just how much anyone watches?
At the end of the day anyone who does, is just part of the problem (supply to a demand) and girls and women get hurt because selfish people want to choose to watch it.

Show quote history

From the ethical point of view; no.

But that wasn't what was being discussed.

A poster suggested she estimates 65% of MN users partners to be porn addicts and that therefore 65% of MN users would have to throw their partners out (in response to my suggestion that he should already have been gotten rid of due to his porn addiction, before op even saw his underage girl searches).

I was oy responding to that saying I don't think 65% of MN partners are porn addicts - of any demographic. That poster had since clarified that she considers use of once of twice a week to be an addiction. I have responded saying I don't, and common bench marks of addiction don't appear to say that.

This is obviously a side debate, as such, to the main ethical debates.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 17:06

*or any demographic

MyriadOfTravels · 04/04/2023 17:10

Well it’s also ok to say that watching porn once a week, regardless of whether it’s being an addict or nit, is a red line fir you.

I personally I feel that watching porn and getting off watching someone who might (or us likely??) be raped is a deal breaker.
And despite what many women say (im watching it too. There is nothing wrong with that. But im watching ‘ethical porn’ so that’s ok), I think the risk of watching a woman (or a man fur that matter) being raped is too high to be acceptable.

And tbh this discussion on being addicted to porn or not has NOTHING to do with the OP. She has an issue with the search terms and what her DH is looking at - the intend and what it is says about him , aka watching a rape is great fun.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 17:25

And tbh this discussion on being addicted to porn or not has NOTHING to do with the OP. She has an issue with the search terms and what her DH is looking at

After agreeing with most posters about the nature of his search terms, I pointed out that I felt - if he is a porn addict, as was stated somewhere in the thread - he should have been gotten rid of on that basis, long before this. That's how the side debate about addiction started.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 17:27

(the dude debate about addiction was never about any "amelioration" of this man searching for sexual images/videos of underage girls).

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 17:28

*side debate!

Crikeyalmighty · 04/04/2023 17:46

@AprilFool23 I don't wish to derail the conversation as I was initially responding to a post saying that anyone using it at all should a LTB situation- hence why I said a high percentage of mumsnet partners would be out the door. but I think you misunderstood me- I don't consider once or twice a week an addict- above that level I do. In my own situation I would indeed be entitled to half, but half of not a lot at all would be the reality. I hate the habit but in OPs position it's different as it's borderline illegal- my Hs viewing is all female to female stuff and 'mature' - each to their own I guess but it's not 'teen' - quite the opposite

florenceandthemac · 04/04/2023 17:54

Concerned?! I'd be more than concerned about him being a nonce

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