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Original poster

Husbands porn searches are concerning

181 replies

Linger123345 · 03/04/2023 16:45

Would you be concerned if your partners porn searches were for "small teen porn" and "naked teen selfies"?
He's 60. Always with a porn habbit which never bothered me, although the lack of sex life did bother me.
But i recently saw his search history which hes usually very good at clearing. Small teens to me sounds like underage stuff. I don't know what to do, or if im simply overreacting.

OP posts:
Tacsi · 03/04/2023 23:54

Haven't read full thread, but "small teens sounds under age"..the fact he's searching teens full stop at 60 is beyond disgusting and vile 🤮🤮 I honestly can't fathom why you'd think you were overreacting, it's beyond disgusting ,he needs locking up!!

gerbilcrocus · 04/04/2023 06:48

Howdypip77 · 03/04/2023 17:09

I am going to go slightly against the grain here and say that lots of people have sexual taboo fantasies and kinks which between consenting adults is fine, but I think the fact that he seems to have a porn addiction while your sex life is flagging is the issue here.

No, looking for porn containing small teens isn't a harmless kink. You're being an apologist for pedophilia - you disgust me.

gerbilcrocus · 04/04/2023 07:03

Asummersday · 03/04/2023 18:02

Grim! Reminds me of my married 70 year old FIL who likes big boob instagram model photos….it makes me ill dirty old men…..wish I could tell his wife!

Why would you think liking big boob instagram models is remotely in the same league as this? I get you may find it a bit pervy, but anything on Instagram is going to be the softest of soft porn

toddlermumx · 04/04/2023 08:23

Grim! Reminds me of my married 70 year old FIL who likes big boob instagram model photos….it makes me ill dirty old men…..wish I could tell his wife!

This isn't even remotely the same thing? A 'big boob Instagram model' is a pretty 'normal' thing for a man to be attracted to - a bit pervy because of his age - but has no relation to this disgusting old man being sexually attracted to underdeveloped teenagers.

Howdypip77 · 04/04/2023 10:26

Puffinpanic · 03/04/2023 17:35

‘Small teens’ are clearly not adults.

And your linking of kinks with your attempts to legitimize and minimalise a search for pornography featuring underage children, just illustrates how the current promotion of ‘kink’ is not harmless but a boundary eroding movement slowly ( or not so slowly) normalizing, not just harmful and derogatory attitudes to women, but also the sexualisation of children.

Show quote history

I am not saying I agree with it.

But Britney Spears 'Baby One More Time' is a video of her in a sexualised school girl outfit.

The school girl/babysitter/best friends little sister is probably one of the most commonly searched wank fodder on porn sites as well as being on mainstream TV (e.g Britney).

Howdypip77 · 04/04/2023 10:29

gerbilcrocus · 04/04/2023 06:48

No, looking for porn containing small teens isn't a harmless kink. You're being an apologist for pedophilia - you disgust me.

Show quote history

I dont know how I am being an apologist for saying that teen girl looking porn is probably way more mainstream and common than people on here may want to think about (see my Britney comment above). I dont think watching it automatically means you want to fuck a child ffs.

Puppers · 04/04/2023 11:09

Howdypip77 · 04/04/2023 10:29

I dont know how I am being an apologist for saying that teen girl looking porn is probably way more mainstream and common than people on here may want to think about (see my Britney comment above). I dont think watching it automatically means you want to fuck a child ffs.

Show quote history

He’s not watching Britney Spears. He’s watching people who either are children or adults who are specifically selected because they look like children, having sex (he has no way of verifying the ages of the people appearing in the videos). Why do you think he’s doing this if not because he is sexually aroused by sex with children (which doesn’t actually exist by the way; that would be child rape)? What other reasons would a person watch this? Perhaps he’s researching for a book…

Zola1 · 04/04/2023 11:12

We all know 'small teen' means girls who look like they could be under 18. Absolutely grim. Do you have teenage girls in your family? Suspect he's also creepy leching over them

Howdypip77 · 04/04/2023 11:15

Puppers · 04/04/2023 11:09

He’s not watching Britney Spears. He’s watching people who either are children or adults who are specifically selected because they look like children, having sex (he has no way of verifying the ages of the people appearing in the videos). Why do you think he’s doing this if not because he is sexually aroused by sex with children (which doesn’t actually exist by the way; that would be child rape)? What other reasons would a person watch this? Perhaps he’s researching for a book…

Show quote history

Again, not agreeing with it at all. Its part of a much wider issue of society in general at the sexualisation of teenage girls.

Only OP will have the gut instinct if its just teen looking girls (still gross but not illegal) or more sinister, and she should act appropriately.

Puppers · 04/04/2023 11:26

Howdypip77 · 04/04/2023 11:15

Again, not agreeing with it at all. Its part of a much wider issue of society in general at the sexualisation of teenage girls.

Only OP will have the gut instinct if its just teen looking girls (still gross but not illegal) or more sinister, and she should act appropriately.

Show quote history

I get that you’re not defending his behaviour altogether and you think it’s creepy. I was just interested in this comment I suppose:

I dont think watching it automatically means you want to fuck a child ffs

The “FFS” at the end gives the impression that you think PPs are overreacting and being dramatic. So I’m wondering what the alternative viewpoint is. Why would he be sexually aroused by images of children (or very young women who look like children) having sex, if he’s not interested in sex with children?

I’m not being argumentative although I appreciate it’s hard to convey tone on here. I’m genuinely interested if there is another way to look at this. Because it is difficult not to read responses like yours as apologism in all honesty, when women are so often told we’re overreacting when we challenge anything harmful that involves male sexual behaviour. I’m trying to put my defensiveness to one side and hear the other viewpoint.

monsteramunch · 04/04/2023 11:33

@Howdypip77

I dont know how I am being an apologist for saying that teen girl looking porn is probably way more mainstream and common than people on here may want to think about (see my Britney comment above). I dont think watching it automatically means you want to fuck a child ffs.

The thing is, the (already young) women labelled as 'teen looking girls' in porn are made up / dressed to look young already. They aren't made up / dressed to look like 18/19 year olds on a night out glammed up. They are catering to an audience actively searching for videos where girls look under 18. To add 'small' as an additional qualifier means that seeing ones who look younger than they are already isn't enough for OP's husband - he wants to see ones who look not just young but even younger.

Can you imagine being turned on by a 16 year old boy? I certainly can't. Even if someone looked older and I fancied them physically, if I found out they were 16 I would not fancy them any more and would feel completely grossed out that I had seen them in that way.

Men like OP's husband aren't grossed out by the idea of watching someone who looks (best case scenario) 16/17 having sex with adults. They actively seek it out and wank to footage of it.

Under 18s are legally children. Men like him want to watch girls who look under 18 having sex with adults. What is that, if it's not an arousal at the idea of children having sex with adults?

And as I said, let's be honest, 'small teens' aren't ones who look 18 or 19. It's naive to think that's what he's looking for.

Howdypip77 · 04/04/2023 11:37

Puppers · 04/04/2023 11:26

I get that you’re not defending his behaviour altogether and you think it’s creepy. I was just interested in this comment I suppose:

I dont think watching it automatically means you want to fuck a child ffs

The “FFS” at the end gives the impression that you think PPs are overreacting and being dramatic. So I’m wondering what the alternative viewpoint is. Why would he be sexually aroused by images of children (or very young women who look like children) having sex, if he’s not interested in sex with children?

I’m not being argumentative although I appreciate it’s hard to convey tone on here. I’m genuinely interested if there is another way to look at this. Because it is difficult not to read responses like yours as apologism in all honesty, when women are so often told we’re overreacting when we challenge anything harmful that involves male sexual behaviour. I’m trying to put my defensiveness to one side and hear the other viewpoint.

Show quote history

I think its possible to treat this as seriously as it should be and also not knee jerk and presume someone wants to have sex with a young child because they watch 'teen' porn. As mentioned above, I think its important to recognise just how mainstream and widespread it is, and the issues that presents. I am not excusing it or apologising for it, but acknowledge your comments that my wording could be perceived that way and will take that onboard totally.

Puppers · 04/04/2023 11:54

Howdypip77 · 04/04/2023 11:37

I think its possible to treat this as seriously as it should be and also not knee jerk and presume someone wants to have sex with a young child because they watch 'teen' porn. As mentioned above, I think its important to recognise just how mainstream and widespread it is, and the issues that presents. I am not excusing it or apologising for it, but acknowledge your comments that my wording could be perceived that way and will take that onboard totally.

Show quote history

So perhaps PPs using "paedophile" instead of the more accurate "hebephile" or "ephebephile" is the sticking point. Teens are (mostly) children, and the fact he's searching for "small teens" makes it fairly clear he's not looking for 18-19 year old adults (or people appearing to be such). I think most of us can glean that "small teen" probably doesn't even mean 15-17 year olds.

I completely agree with you that this is a very common interest and there are many attempts to normalise it in the media and popular culture. I still can't understand a possible reason for consuming this kind of pornographic material that doesn't involve an interest in sex with children.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 11:56

So "teen" isn't enough, he's searching for "small teen" ..... That sounds like a euphemism for child. He's certainly looking for the youngest looking teens he can find.

It's very significant that a poster found a Google search of this returned a child sex abuse images warning.
It's clearly something the search engine designers have as underage/paedophile search terms.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 12:00

I dont think watching it automatically means you want to fuck a child ffs

Well small teen suggests he doesn't want yo look at mature, developed teenagers over 18. So he wants ones who.look younger - which would legally be children.

And we didn't say he personally wanted to fuck a child! He wants to watch girls who look like very young teenagers (children) be fucked. Whether he moved from that into personally trying to fuck young teenagers (children) through whatever means; who knows.

Did I read correctly that the op says he's a porn addict?
He should have been out the door for that in the first place.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 12:02

The thing is, the (already young) women labelled as 'teen looking girls' in porn are made up / dressed to look young already. They aren't made up / dressed to look like 18/19 year olds on a night out glammed up. They are catering to an audience actively searching for videos where girls look under 18. To add 'small' as an additional qualifier means that seeing ones who look younger than they are already isn't enough for OP's husband - he wants to see ones who look not just young but even younger.

Yep.

UndercoverCop · 04/04/2023 12:03

I work with sex offenders, this type of search is common amongst that cohort. It would be grounds for divorce for me.
For those of you talking about wiping devices, forensic digital analysis will always find something

Ardvark111 · 04/04/2023 13:29

In the words of Harold steptoe. DIRTY OLD. MAN ….

Crikeyalmighty · 04/04/2023 13:38

@AprilFool23 unfortunately I reckon around 65% of mumsnet partners would be out the door based on having porn addictions. I found out exactly what was going through our internet by using Cisco umbrella. Cant see the exact pages but can see the sites- and it wasn't pretty- and this was my H who said it did nothing for him but kept checking around 5 times a week to make sure- when I wasn't around. And before anyone says anything about trust- I lost that years ago. I do care, we do get on but I hate that he lies about it and makes out he is something he isn't. I think many women on here would have a few nasty suprises. Still, I will be the 1st to know if he was on dating sites etc!!

MadeForThis · 04/04/2023 14:36

I could never look at him in the same way again.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 15:06

unfortunately I reckon around 65% of mumsnet partners would be out the door based on having porn addictions.

Where do you get that figure from?

Sounds like you're projecting.

I know lots of men who use it minimally or moderately (as do I) ..... It's not the majority. Not sure why you want to believe it's the majority.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 15:08

Crikeyalmighty · 04/04/2023 13:38

@AprilFool23 unfortunately I reckon around 65% of mumsnet partners would be out the door based on having porn addictions. I found out exactly what was going through our internet by using Cisco umbrella. Cant see the exact pages but can see the sites- and it wasn't pretty- and this was my H who said it did nothing for him but kept checking around 5 times a week to make sure- when I wasn't around. And before anyone says anything about trust- I lost that years ago. I do care, we do get on but I hate that he lies about it and makes out he is something he isn't. I think many women on here would have a few nasty suprises. Still, I will be the 1st to know if he was on dating sites etc!!

Sounds healthy.

If you lost trust in him years ago, why are you still with him.

If you feel the need to monitor his internet use, why are stil with him?

Inkblue · 04/04/2023 15:21

I see that the ‘small teens’ in this scenario aren’t being considered at all. These are children that are being abused to satisfy the fantasies of men. Don’t kid yourself that the older ones are doing out of love for the job, they almost certainly have been coerced in some way or abused as younger children. The whole porn industry stinks and I’m shocked about the amount of women on here who accept as the norm and tolerate it in their relationships.

Howdypip77 · 04/04/2023 15:27

Inkblue · 04/04/2023 15:21

I see that the ‘small teens’ in this scenario aren’t being considered at all. These are children that are being abused to satisfy the fantasies of men. Don’t kid yourself that the older ones are doing out of love for the job, they almost certainly have been coerced in some way or abused as younger children. The whole porn industry stinks and I’m shocked about the amount of women on here who accept as the norm and tolerate it in their relationships.

Perhaps they watch porn too?

monsteramunch · 04/04/2023 15:30

@Howdypip77

The thing is, the (already young) women labelled as 'teen looking girls' in porn are made up / dressed to look young already. They aren't made up / dressed to look like 18/19 year olds on a night out glammed up. They are catering to an audience actively searching for videos where girls look under 18. To add 'small' as an additional qualifier means that seeing ones who look younger than they are already isn't enough for OP's husband - he wants to see ones who look not just young but even younger.

Can you imagine being turned on by a 16 year old boy? I certainly can't. Even if someone looked older and I fancied them physically, if I found out they were 16 I would not fancy them any more and would feel completely grossed out that I had seen them in that way.

Men like OP's husband aren't grossed out by the idea of watching someone who looks (best case scenario) 16/17 having sex with adults. They actively seek it out and wank to footage of it.

Under 18s are legally children. Men like him want to watch girls who look under 18 having sex with adults. What is that, if it's not an arousal at the idea of children having sex with adults?

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