Don't want to eat after comments

[Feelingworthless1]

2 days ago my partner playfully slapped my bum and said "somebody's bum has got bigger"... I asked if he could please not comment on my weight because it upsets me and he said "well your bum is the size of Beyonces".
I'm a size 8 for context and he's about 3 stone over weight but thinks he's god.
I later said that I was going on a diet and he said "you don't need to diet, you just need to exercise and tone up"...he does no exercise and barely moves from the chair. He's on cholesterol and blood pressure tablets.
I didn't eat apart from dinner and had a chicken breast, brocoli and rice and he commented on my plate "wow that's a lot of food".

I'm feeling so insecure. He doesn't know but I was bulimic for a long time and so I don't like comments about my weight. I now feel that I can't eat.

Wow. He sounds very insecure. He probably can't believe he's in a relationship with someone like you and so has to put you down as a means of control.

This may not be the man for you.

Oh dear god, please don’t stay with him, he’s shite!

Why TF are you going out with this fat, ignorant pig? Kick him out. Jesus Christ OP you have a child with this man? Get rid of him immediately he is bad news.

I would be tempted to say every time I bring something to the fucking table you eat it.

I reckon men like that are are usaully inadequate in more ways than you think,

Like Crap in bed /impotent

He can't relate in a normal way cause he so shit

More to the point he knows you are lot better than he will ever be @Feelingworthless1

Can you imagine if your son started treating a woman like this? Maybe some poor girl going through an earing disorder at the time. Could you have handled someone treating you like this back then?

This shit you are tolerating, your son sees it. You are teaching him a. That women will put up with this shit. And b. That relationships involve abuse and that's OK.

You want to raise a son that's good right? That treats women right and that also, picks women who treat him right? Right? Then get the fuck away from your abuser and make it very clear to your so you left this man because he was abusive and no one should ever tolerate that shit from a partner. Set a healthy example for your child.

Like everyone has commented he sounds horrible and I don’t see why you stay.

You could say to him “You have weight and health problems. I do not. You are taking your insecurities out on me. This is unpleasant and does nothing to help you. Stop it and get help”

if you don’t feel like telling him to fuck off and not come back

I’m so sorry you are going through this, OP.

He is making those comments to try to undermine your self confidence so you don’t feel able to leave him. It’s a huge red flag for further abuse down the line.

In one of your comments, it’s clear he is saying negative things about/to you in front of your children. If you put up with it, they will grow up confused about respect and relationships and it will affect your relationship with them.

I don’t say this lightly, but please leave him. It’s not clear why you are with him at all (the fact that you have felt unable to share with him your previous ED suggests that you aren’t comfortable with him anyway.)

Think about why you are with him: if any of it is about fear of being alone, that is not a good reason to stay. That’s just your low self esteem talking. If there are practical reasons you are still with him, then work out how to address them ASAP so you can leave him. I cannot see any positives in a relationship that would override his conduct towards you. Especially as it may get worse.

You may not think you can or deserve better, but I promise you, you do. No one deserves to be treated this way. What would you say to your best friend if she said her partner behaved like this? You’d tell her to leave, right? Be as kind to yourself as you would be towards your best friend.

Be strong. Be focused. Get away before it gets worse. Good luck.

Get rid of this useless wanker.

First response nailed it. You don't have to put up with this. Demand better for yourself and your child.

Oh I feel sad reading this and all your updates.

You need to leave him. His comments would be enough to make anyone feel shit about themselves but the fact you’ve previously had an eating disorder makes this even more important that you leave the bastard.

He sounds horrendous and like he’s controlling you.

A gaslighting, insecure and utterly disgusting man who you don't want round your children. I couldn't stay with a man who treated me with such utter contempt. I hope you find a way out.

Urgh 🤮 what a disgusting pig he is, his criticism is to deflect how unworthy he is, he knows, believe me, that you are too good for him. The only way he can 'keep' you is to make you so insecure that you believe you won't find someone else, that you need to work to deserve him. My ex husband was like this, lots of small criticisms, financial abuse, to keep me stuck in his small world. It became so obvious when I did start to feel better about myself the criticism escalated to outright abuse, and I finally saw what he was really like. Don't be me, I was 40 when I escaped, so it now

This is horrible to read. You do absolutely need to leave him. He is abusive and there is no excuses for this behaviour.

Why won't you leave him, OP?

Why are you with this t**t?

It's not weight insecurities though. In her next post she talks about how he tells her she's bad at languages too. To neg her.

It's not about insecurity, its about control.

We have to be very careful of falling into that trap of thinking 'oh maybe he is insecure'. Because insecure people - look inwards. They think they are the problem and try to change themselves.

Controlling people - try to make you think YOU are the problem.

I suppose you could argue that it is insecurity but that insecurity from abusers presents as controlling behaviour. Where as from normal people...Well, we can look inwards. But I think its wise to use the word control. Not insecurity.

Because these people mean is harm. Whatever their reasons for it. And calling it insecurity almost makes them seem as if they are the ones to be pitied. Whilst they destroy and burn everyone around them.

Why are you putting up with this abusive arsehole? What do you get out of it? He's verbally abusing you, dragging you down and destroying your self esteem. You're a size 8. An 8 FGS!
I'm an 18 and my DH has never commented on the weight I've put on over the years

For your own good, self worth and sanity, please LTB. Good luck.

This is absolutely true.

Walk away. He's a vampire, sucking your self worth and happiness away.

Please research the Freedom Programme.
He is abusing you.

Are you happy having him as a partner? He sounds horrible.Have a long think about how you go forward.You can do better.Tell hm you are not finding his horrible so called jokes at all funny and if he doesn’t stop that is the end.Good luck stay strong.

You need to leave him to protect your mental health.

Would you ever speak to anyone like this? no of course you wouldnt. would you speak to someone you are supposed to be in love with? no of course you wouldnt. so why do you allow him to treat you like the shit on his shoes. you dont mention any good qualities or anything positive about him. so obviously he has been doing this to you for so long that you actually believe this bull shit about yourself. This is not a normal relationship. it is not how people in a relationship behave with each other. he knows you are weight sensitive so thats the subject he berates you about. if it was your hair he would be making comments about that. cant you see what a nasty bully this man is?

So you have brought a highly abusive nasty man into yours and your childs life?

He is deliberately being nasty.

Please make plans to dump him.

Ring Women's aid.

He should not be near your children.

He is nasty snd abusive.