Don't want to eat after comments

[Feelingworthless1]

2 days ago my partner playfully slapped my bum and said "somebody's bum has got bigger"... I asked if he could please not comment on my weight because it upsets me and he said "well your bum is the size of Beyonces".
I'm a size 8 for context and he's about 3 stone over weight but thinks he's god.
I later said that I was going on a diet and he said "you don't need to diet, you just need to exercise and tone up"...he does no exercise and barely moves from the chair. He's on cholesterol and blood pressure tablets.
I didn't eat apart from dinner and had a chicken breast, brocoli and rice and he commented on my plate "wow that's a lot of food".

I'm feeling so insecure. He doesn't know but I was bulimic for a long time and so I don't like comments about my weight. I now feel that I can't eat.

You know you need to put an end to this relationship. He's mentally, physically and financially abusive. He's a disgusting perverted lecherous slug who has repeatedly betrayed you with sex workers. Your family and friends loathe him. All of these things should be telling you that you need to end this, its making you ill because of the constant stress you are under and the longer this goes on the more harm this is doing. I am worried for your welfare and that of your son. Can you pack up your essential bits and take yourselves to a family member or friend. Is there anyone who would offer you a spare room while you sort out a more permanent home. Check your entitlement to benefits as well. You are well educated with a good job but he's absolutely crushing you. I'm pleading with you to get yourself out of this dreadful relationship before he harms you further or your son is further exposed to domestic abuse.

You're so right.
I'm just in my 50s and realising just how damn short life is.
I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to look back and think, why did I waste the best years of my life on some, pigshit, abusive, waste of oxygen?
Devastating.

I'm probably not feeling very sympathetic to you right now. I don't like the damsel in distress syndrome. My gawd do something! You stated you are under distress right now - you would be less stressed if you leave. You do not have to put up with this. Yes - you are probably going to have to work more hours. Hours with people who least show a minimum of respect for you... This can't be good for your child(ren).

@OhcantthInkofaname that's fair.
I will say that I've made a lot of progress over the last few weeks, even if it doesn't seem like it on here.
My mindset has changed and I'm mentally prepared that I'll have to move house. I've started clearing things, selling a load of clothes/baby clothes- decluttering ready for when we move.
Last week I looked into universal credits and did a proper financial budget, so it doesn't seem so daunting if he unexpectedly leaves and I feel more in control.

I'm just a little stuck because a 3 bed house around here is around 1k a month. I'd need to earn 2.5k a month to have an application accepted. I work part time and don't earn that. With universal credits I'd be ok, but I can't claim universal credits until I'm single and he moves out, but I can't afford to live in this house alone. I'm a bit stuck. I spoke with CAB but they didn't really know what to suggest.

Also I have no issue with working more hours in theory. However, if I'm going to be a single mum then I can't increase my hours to 5 days a week. My children are in school in 3 different areas, I'd have no holiday childcare and no family near.

School in 2 different areas, not 3

Are you open to calling women's aid to discuss how to do so safely, considering he is abusive in a variety of ways?

Your life will be infinitely calmer and happier when you aren't being bullied by this toxic bastard.

Your poor children need to be removed from this dynamic too, they're learning some really dangerous lessons about what relationships are supposed to look like.

Do you need 3 bedrooms?

One for you (or even a sofa bed in the living room) and one for the kids to share is fine surely? At least for a while.

Could you afford a 2 bed house? Unless there are other factors, it would be better for your kids to share a room than live with an abuser.

Even a 2 bed house is £800 a month. I don't earn £2400 a month part time. Also, there are no houses to rent within a 15 mile radius at present!

Do you have to be the one to leave your current home? Is it only his name on the lease/deeds?

Hmm... any caravans around? Or canal boats?
Or flatshares that might have 2 rooms to rent? (Women only, for safety purposes)
You could go on spareroom and look for other women looking to buddy up for renting purposes.

You're looking at private rents too right?

Hell, I'd even look at studio apartments.

I'd consider looking into womens refuges too. Anything to get you out of there.
Might end up being just the sort of supportive environment you need right now. Other people who've been through it to talk to.

Do you drive? Could you buy a campervan? ...probably not tbf I think they are more expensive than I assume. Then there's the issue of parking it.

What about your first kids dad? Does he have a spare room? Or is he a jerk too?

He's attempting to annihilate your self confidence as he's insecure about himself and terrified you'll look elsewhere. I'd prove him right and LTB ✊

👏🤣🤣🤣

Happy Mother's Day to me... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4766295-happy-mothers-day-to-me

What has my life become... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4756843-what-has-my-life-become

Emotional blackmail www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4721353-emotional-blackmail

Can you speak to Women's Aid ?
Do you local council help with deposits?
I can feel how frustrated you are.

Maybe start here:

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help#translated-guidance

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/en/How-can-we-support-you

You said he's pushed you around, he drinks, he belittles you. He controls you financially and you are isolated from family support. He is grinding you down continually so you'll feel so low that you'll accept anything he does to you.

I am worried for you and your son.

THE FUCKING PART-TIME DOCTOR AGAIN???

Why do you keep posting? You have no intention of leaving, because you love him, so own this fucking car crash of a toxic relationship.

Your poor kids are living in an abusive household you are refusing to take them out of, meanwhile you post hundreds (at this point) of threads like this spending hours on "updates" instead of taking any of the actual advice like calling Women's Aid or making plans to move in with your supportive family/friends.

He is abusing your sons, this will damage them for years to come, and all you seem concerned with is his comments about your bum???

Seriously?!

Bullshit. Posters have given you specific, helpful advice on the exact steps you need to take before. You just don't want to.

Your eldest son needs to live with his dad full time. You are not safeguarding him.

Oh. Is this a repeat poster?

I understand that you are scared and daunted by the prospect of leaving but PP’s have given you practical advice. They can’t give you the strength to actually change your situation. Only you can do that.

Partner pushed me in front of our child www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4677652-partner-pushed-me-in-front-of-our-child

There are literally dozens of previous threads. You only seem to post to complain and gather responses rather than to take advice.

£800 rent out of £2400 is only a third of your salary, your youngest son is starting school in September so you won't even have childcare costs from then. You just don't want to give up your fancy 4 bedroomed house and Botox money (previous threads)

It's telling that you are posting about being a size 8 as almost a stealth boast, when you are complicit in the abuse of two children.

Your attitude is appalling. No mention of concern for two scared young boys growing up in a house were they watch their mother desperately beg their father/stepfather for crumbs of attention/affection, meanwhile he bullies them.

You are desperate for attention here as well. Comments about your bum?? You let him scream at your children and push their mum around??

Disingenuous, desperate, attention seeking. You need SS involvement.

Name changes every time but yes, instantly recognisable as not giving a fuck about her kids.

She will disappear again now, then be back next week when she is scared he will cheat on her on a night out, right @Feelingworthless1??

Taking the piss out of women genuinely trying to help her.

In light of this, I can only hope this isn't real. If it is, those poor kids need to be removed from that situation asap.