Don't want to eat after comments

[Feelingworthless1]

2 days ago my partner playfully slapped my bum and said "somebody's bum has got bigger"... I asked if he could please not comment on my weight because it upsets me and he said "well your bum is the size of Beyonces".
I'm a size 8 for context and he's about 3 stone over weight but thinks he's god.
I later said that I was going on a diet and he said "you don't need to diet, you just need to exercise and tone up"...he does no exercise and barely moves from the chair. He's on cholesterol and blood pressure tablets.
I didn't eat apart from dinner and had a chicken breast, brocoli and rice and he commented on my plate "wow that's a lot of food".

I'm feeling so insecure. He doesn't know but I was bulimic for a long time and so I don't like comments about my weight. I now feel that I can't eat.

My ex was like this - calling me fat when I was a UK 6-8. He also made sure I knew that he thought I was thick and many other things like your partner.

It's very telling that the reason he says he's fat is that it's your fault. It's not, but you know that, right?

And probably if you think about it, you'll realise that any dramas in his life are never his fault - he's never the problem and yet somehow trouble follows him around. Wildly guessing here but how's he been with any female supervisors? Were they all cunts who slept their way to promotions (according to him) for example?

I bet he's the same as my ex where he insults you or deliberately says something horrible to you and then tells you off for having no sense of humour and being a dry-shite who can't take a bit of banter. And yet ridiculously touchy and thin skinned himself.

You are worth so much more than him. He really is not worth relapsing into an eating disorder. No man is.

What more do you need to leave this colossal bellend?

Get rid of him. He is an abuser. Get him out of the house this weekend.

Do you have a DC together, as you say Our Dc. What does your oldest think of him. Please leave, this is no way to live. I'm a size 16, my DH is always telling me he loves me and hugging me.

The way he speaks to you, repeatedly saying, "What do you bring to the Table" Is just dreadful. Out and out bullying. I'm not sure how one would answer that because he just seems to be relentless, and then rounding it off with calling you negative.

It just seems like he's got a conversational plan to goad you and then chip in with his closing comments- I don't think anyone could win in that situation.
Someone further up the thread said you need to stand up to him. I agree in principle. But its a very very fine line - I think you need to proceed with caution. If anything ignore and don't rise to the bait. Because from what you've said, his behaviour is getting worse and you want to make sure you keep yourself safe.

Get some advice on this from someone like Women's Aid. Especially if you are planning to leave. Keep your cards close to your chest.

He's DARVOing you, the fat inadequate piece of shit.
I bet he's a crap shag too 🤔

Euggghhh.

Ive just read your other posts OP. How you have managed to keep calm and not hit him over the head with a frying pan il never know. What an absolutely evil piece of shit he is.
It sounds like he just takes any opportunity to bully and abuse you in order to try and get some sort of reaction. It’s actually really disturbing - HE is disturbed, he has serious issues - this isn’t normal behaviour.

Please find a way to leave him - it’s terrible that your children are witnessing this behaviour, it’s so damaging.

I swear to God OP, I know it feels impossible now but once you get rid of him, you'll feel wobbly for a few days and then you'll have The Moment. It will suddenly dawn on you what a complete waste of time and space he is, and you'll feel unbelievable relief that you're free to live your life without him.

As.for the comment about what you can bring to the table after he heard you and your son chatting in Welsh... Ti'n haeddu gymaint gwell na hyn. Dwi'n addo y bydd bywyd mil gwaith gwell heb y dyn twp yma.

Tbh you’d be better off without him in your life.

He’s in that comfortable position where he’s not responsible for his words or actions. He’s a bored, insecure, controlling man. He’s totally unreasonable towards you but if you remind him or give him a dose of his own medicine you are abusive. It’s good you want to keep to the moral high ground - there’s no point in arguing with him.

Next time he remarks on your weight tell him your bmi is perfect, your weight and dress size is healthy for your height. Then ask him if he’s worried about his own health and just leave it there. A haircut can’t result in you turning from young and sexy to old. Ask him if there’s anything else he’d like to criticise, give him a piece of paper and let him rip. Then keep it as evidence of his unreasonable behaviour.

Do keep speaking in Welsh and if he tries to run you down ask him if he understood what you said in Welsh. If he tries to argue or run you down ask him again what you’ve just said in Welsh.

Men like this will probably say they’re insecure and trying to drive their partner away because they’re terrified the partner will leave. It’s faulty logic. They’re being abusive and controlling because they’re unhappy and because they feel entitled.

Why are you still with this loser?

God almighty OP. Are you happy to be teaching your children that this is what relationships look like? If not, you need to grow up and leave him.

Ok looking again I can see he did wrong after she said she doesn’t like it he should stop.

But in my personal opinion I do think op you are a bit sensitive. Most men do like big bums so to me I just didn’t see it as an insult at all. To me a big bum is a positive attribute and the fact he slapped it means I thought he did too? Anyway just my opinion. I really wouldn’t feel down about it. He’s told you you don’t need to diet, he hasn’t said he thinks you’re too fat.

And as for commenting on the food sorry I don’t get it!

I took my son to Toby carvery on Sunday and he piled his plate like a mountain it was ridiculous, he didn’t even eat half. I said to him Jesus that’s a lot of food when he came back. Should he have told me to fuck off?? I’m not saying he’s eating too much I am just saying there’s a lot of food on his plate!!! You’ve baffled me. If my husband did the same, I would say it. He’s not fat he has a six pack, I mean why I can’t say that’s lot of food. He would just answer yea I’m hungry!

"I'm struggling because he's destroyed me and I mostly despise the man but I also feel that I love him"

No, you love the idea of the man (I use the term loosely) you wish he was, not the reality in front of you.

He is abusing you, contact Women's Aid for support. And GET RID!

Very worrying that you equate a slap with approval.

You are in an abusive relationship. Belittling you, destroying your confidence and making you feel like no one else would want you is classic abuser behaviour.

Leave this prick immediately.

Why is that worrying?

My husband does it to me, I do it to him, my bum is his favourite feature of me so to me yea I see it as approval.

Obviously in a happy loving marriage I see it as approval.

But you'd probably see it as an insult if you'd also had the comment about no longer having sexy looks because you'd cut your hair (unlike him who's put on weight and is 'too old' to take on extra work - sounds like a God to rival Thor...)

I used to walk on eggshells with my ex OP. But I didn't want to leave because I loved him. When I finally walked away I realised that I didn't really love him - I was scared of a single life and, whilst being with him was horrible, it was a case of 'better the Devil you know'. Except it wasn't. Being single was the best thing I ever did apart from marrying my now husband. I got to realise that I was capable, intelligent and worth a lot - despite being told all the time that I wasn't.

He's telling you all this crap because he needs to keep you 'in your place'. He needs to get you so mixed up that you can't trust your own judgement any more. Because if he doesn't get you into that state one day you may just have the veil lifted from your eyes and see him for what he is. Then he wouldn't stand a chance of keeping you.

Oh, and seriously, a man who gets fat because YOU keep carbs in the house. What are you doing? Force feeding him crisps? Setting up an intravenous load of liquidise sausage and chips every night when he's asleep? He doesn't have to eat the food, he could cook for himself or agree with you what he needs if he doesn't cook. I'm low carbing and my family still eat carbs. It's not hard, any semi intelligent man can say 'no potatoes please love'. But then I'm not a useless lump of lard.

Thank you (diolch) for all for the replies and I am taking them on board. Obviously there is a lot more to this and my life is generally hell at the moment.

We do have a child together, yes.

I have to be careful about standing up for my self because if I speak I'm sworn at. He's also pushed me around a bit, so I need to be careful there.

@Namechangenoidea I didn't say I think a man should lie to a woman. However in my situation he had no opportunity to lie. I didn't ask him "is my bum getting big". If I asked this and he said yes, then I invited the question. I didn't invite it. It wasn't even as if he was saying it because he's concerned for my health. I'm a normal weight and when I said it upset me, he continued to make comments. Maybe comments about your weight don't upset you and that's completely fine but after years having an eating disorder, there is a reason I avoid discussing my weight.

Yea I didn’t read the updates. Just read them now yea op abusive relationship- you need to leave.

Honestly my love its time to kick this fat abusive lump of lard out. You absolutely do not have to put up with him for another moment. It's time to put yourself and your son first and get rid of the vile pig.

Oh and my partner is a misogynist. I made a comment that it upset me that when he cheated, he offered a woman money and he said "all women are paid for by men, so it's the same thing. I pay for you by paying the rent"

He said ‘It's not as if you bring anything to the table, is it.’

ENOUGH.

He’s horrible.
Nasty & bullying.
He thinks that he has got you where he wants you, downtrodden & insecure (like him really), & is grinding you down so that he is somehow bigger (!) & better. Meh!

Time to move on.