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Original poster

Would this bother you? I feel like it shouldn't but for some reason it is

272 replies

Blushingm · 30/03/2023 17:28

Been with bf a year.

We were both drunk last night......he told me that when he split from his wife he joined Grindr and hooked up with men on 3 occasions.

He was married 23 years - met her at 18

I'm not sure if I'm feeling weird as he hooked up as that's not his usual thing or that i feel weird because they were men?

He'd slept with 2 women before his wife and then me (he dated someone before me but didn't sleep with her)

I think I'm being unreasonable feeling odd about it.....could also be that I'm worried he likes men more than women so I can't compete

OP posts:
slowquickstep · 30/03/2023 20:52

pncr · 30/03/2023 18:39

Serious question. Why do you have to tell someone if you're bi?

What is it to them? You're with them - anyone else, regardless of sex, is in the past.

Seriously ? Do you really believe it is none of a partners business ?

Lampzade · 30/03/2023 20:55

I am not going to lie , it would really bother me

pncr · 30/03/2023 20:56

@slowquickstep yes I absolutely believe it is none of my partner's business.

HeadNorth · 30/03/2023 20:56

It would bother me - it would give me the ick. I don’t care about the rights and wrongs of it, it would just put me right of.

YukoandHiro · 30/03/2023 20:59

Is he comfortably bi and experimenting with freedom after marriage, or gay and in the closet? That's what you need to get the bottom of.

Mumma2Ro · 30/03/2023 21:32

This would 100% bother me and be a deal breaker

peachgreen · 30/03/2023 21:34

Biphobia? On Mumsnet? Shocker. Hmm

Eyerollcentral · 30/03/2023 22:00

peachgreen · 30/03/2023 21:34

Biphobia? On Mumsnet? Shocker. Hmm

Where’s the biphobia? Do you not think people are entitled to have sexual preferences with regard to their partner? If not why not?

peachgreen · 30/03/2023 22:01

If your only reason for no longer wanting to be with someone that you previously had no concerns about is that they have had sex with people of both genders, then yeah, that’s absolutely biphobia.

peachgreen · 30/03/2023 22:02

Oh, and also all the people suggesting he’s probably gay. That’s biphobia too.

peachgreen · 30/03/2023 22:04

Oh and the posters suggesting he’s more likely to have an STI, or repressed, or in the closet… yeah. Biphobia.

OP is absolutely entitled to end her relationship for absolutely any reason. Her right to do that overrides anything else. But understanding that her feelings could be rooted in biphobia is also important.

Nightlystroll · 30/03/2023 22:05

If my partner had once been a regular gambler or had had alcohol issues or got into credit card debt, I'd want to know about that. For me it's the same with sexual partners. I wouldn't expect numbers or anything but if I'd been led to believe that their experience was always straight and then it took them over a year to tell me they were bi, I'd be annoyed. It's not that any of these things in themselves would necessarily make me end the relationship but I'd expect to be respected enough to be told details that were incongruent to how they were presenting themselves now.

pncr · 30/03/2023 22:09

Nightlystroll · 30/03/2023 22:05

If my partner had once been a regular gambler or had had alcohol issues or got into credit card debt, I'd want to know about that. For me it's the same with sexual partners. I wouldn't expect numbers or anything but if I'd been led to believe that their experience was always straight and then it took them over a year to tell me they were bi, I'd be annoyed. It's not that any of these things in themselves would necessarily make me end the relationship but I'd expect to be respected enough to be told details that were incongruent to how they were presenting themselves now.

How is a sexual protection being compared to addictions?

pncr · 30/03/2023 22:09

*orientation

ShodanLives · 30/03/2023 22:16

Nightlystroll · 30/03/2023 22:05

If my partner had once been a regular gambler or had had alcohol issues or got into credit card debt, I'd want to know about that. For me it's the same with sexual partners. I wouldn't expect numbers or anything but if I'd been led to believe that their experience was always straight and then it took them over a year to tell me they were bi, I'd be annoyed. It's not that any of these things in themselves would necessarily make me end the relationship but I'd expect to be respected enough to be told details that were incongruent to how they were presenting themselves now.

Gambling and alcohol addictions are negative things. Being bisexual isn't.

Nightlystroll · 30/03/2023 22:19

Is debt an addiction? I wouldn't think so. Gambling and drinking don't have to be addictions. Anyway, as I said, if a person portrays their life in a certain way, I'd want to know any deviations from that in their past if I'm investing in my future with them.

GrinAndVomit · 30/03/2023 22:20

Oh and the posters suggesting he’s more likely to have an STI, or repressed, or in the closet… yeah. Biphobia.

I’m pretty sure the prevalence of STIs is higher amongst men who have sex with other men. I don’t think that is the same for women who have sex with other women though.

GrinAndVomit · 30/03/2023 22:21

peachgreen · 30/03/2023 22:02

Oh, and also all the people suggesting he’s probably gay. That’s biphobia too.

What about the people saying he’s heterosexual?

Nightlystroll · 30/03/2023 22:22

ShodanLives · 30/03/2023 22:16

Gambling and alcohol addictions are negative things. Being bisexual isn't.

Show quote history

I never said anyone was addicted. That's your take on it.

SchoolTripDrama · 30/03/2023 22:34

Ewwwww! I'd be GONE

ShodanLives · 30/03/2023 22:35

Nightlystroll · 30/03/2023 22:19

Is debt an addiction? I wouldn't think so. Gambling and drinking don't have to be addictions. Anyway, as I said, if a person portrays their life in a certain way, I'd want to know any deviations from that in their past if I'm investing in my future with them.

Debt might not be an addiction but it is harmful. So are alcohol issues and regular gambling. Bisexuality is not so they are not comparable.

AncientBallerina · 30/03/2023 22:35

What happened after he told you? And was he telling you in a ‘I need to tell you something’ or a ‘guess what I did’ way,
If it’s bothering you I think you need to talk to him about it properly when you’re both sober. I think the fact it was through Grindr on three occasions would bother me more than say a close same sex friendship that became physical. Or a same sex actual relationship. Grindr on three occasions is pure sex and I’d be concerned it would happen during your relationship. Unless he’s able to have a mature conversation about it and reassure you that he’s completely committed to you. And you believe him.

pncr · 30/03/2023 22:36

Regular gambler is a negative

Alcohol issues is a negative

Credit card debt is a negative

Being bi is just a sexual orientation

ShodanLives · 30/03/2023 22:36

Nightlystroll · 30/03/2023 22:22

I never said anyone was addicted. That's your take on it.

Show quote history

Okay fine. Alcohol issues are a bad thing, unlike being bisexual. Happy?

SchoolTripDrama · 30/03/2023 22:38

peachgreen · 30/03/2023 22:02

Oh, and also all the people suggesting he’s probably gay. That’s biphobia too.

How?!?!?!?!?! Since when is suggesting that a man who has sex with men, may possibly attracted to men, a phobia?!?!?

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