Dating Thread 240 - Early Summer Lovin

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@5thWisdom you seem clear about what works for you and hopefully he’ll respond- but if he doesn’t then you know what you will do 👍
I’m one of the lurkers who has been around the thread for a long time but is in a relationship. I find I dip in and out but the discussion helps me to reflect on things with Mr V. We don’t live together and have a few ongoing situations that have to be navigated but all in all I consider myself lucky to be (relatively) settled with him. He’s a good guy.

@5thWisdom I think if he's not actually ensuring a date is in the diary, he's not that interested. So I'd just leave it and if it gets very near the day and suddenly he pops up, I'd not rearrange anything for the date, I'd say that as I hadn't heard, I'd assumed he wasn't that fussed so made other plans.

In the past I'd have changed all my plans if someone wanted to meet last minute but not now! To me it shows I'm 2nd choice already.

5thWisdom

hey , personally the poor comms before a date and even meeting them would really annoy me

its like their being annoying before you met ! It’s not a great start or portent

agree with what LIM says and let’s see
if he confirms something last minute I agree to be ‘busy’

He's unmatched me on Bumble this morning.

So that's that. How odd.

This is such a ruthless game that wastes so much time. At least I didn't waste more by actually going to meet him.

oh ! So you were only messaging on the app ?

a rather harsh lesson that pre date messaging means shit - I didn’t like the sound of this one anyway tbh

comms quiet with newiron
some real life stuff has come up , major for me
he’s given me some unasked for advice which kind of upset me and now silent x 2

this whole single mum dating shagging is such hard work 😓

but - it was fun and also helped me get over the last one so that’s a good thing

A weekend does not run away with any one who is interested on someone. He probably didn’t have a good date over the weekend and you are option number whatever…back burner. I think you know this too but it’s up to you Fifthie

Oops Fifthie…I just saw he unmatched you. And there was me thinking I was being too ruthless on my post to you and rather harsh…we really do know by now how this lark pans out

We were on WA too but the unmatch is a clear signal.

It's not on when they cross a boundary like that - I hope he didn't upset you too much - and the silence isn't helpful in supporting you either. Just bad vibes all round.

But yes - if that has been a help to move on, and rinse that ex away, that's a positive thing.

Onwards and upwards.

Exactly !
if im leaving my kids I want 🤩

not feedback I didn’t ask for on a complex topic

but I’m pretty upset this week anyway , and I know that so I’m having to make more sensible
choices for my MH (stop getting shit faced !) so low profile needed

in terms of the app . I’ve actually done that when I’m speaking to people in RL and don’t want them to see me online
I didn’t realise people got that rather brutal ‘un match’ message through 🙈

not excusing him at all btw as either way it’s a bad sign

Advice please. I still haven’t started the OLD thing yet as just can’t get up the courage but I did bump into someone I used to work with about 6 weeks ago who started messaging me.

The thing is it blows hot and cold and we haven’t met up because our schedules don’t fit at all and on the one time we were going to he backed out at the last minute saying one of his kids was poorly and he had to go pick them up. So a week or so ago I messaged to say I think we should call it a day, but now he’s messaged again.

I don’t want a relationship or anything serious at all and just want to casually chat, meet up, stop being a nun etc 😂

So my dilemma is, see how this pans out for a bit longer or stop being a chicken and give OLD a go?

@Esmejane81 again I think if he's keen, he'd put a date in the diary. This strikes me as someone just wanting a flirty penpal relationship. I'd try online and keep this on the back-burner.

Separately its just dawned on me how many men say their children are unwell as an excuse. Of course might be true but always feels like an excuse you can't argue with. I'd always say they should be keen to put another date in the diary if interested.

@Esmejane81 …I totally agree with LostIdentity. He’s not that bothered really. I think going into OLD is a good way to test yourself and see what’s out there…no compromise needed

I have been looking in Bumble -incognito and fortunately because I have seen two men I know through hobbies and one friend of a friend.
They are nice men but I don’t fancy them. However interesting to know they are looking as May introduce them to female friends who might like them.

That is a wonderful thing to do Vanilla. Perhaps it’s too early to like any bloke as MrWoz is so bloody handsome and you had great chemistry with him. I totally get this because I went into OLD still fancying Mr Ex horribly.
I suppose you are still not talking to MrWoz but I think a conversation and some kind of real closure may have to happen before you really feel like OLD

Pink it is uncanny how it insightful you are -really think that you secretly know us both in RL and are tactfully not letting on 🤣 Did have did have a wild fantasy that when you and Mr Ex and I and Mr Woz figured things out etc would ask meet up -them with no clue that we weren't old friends but is just meeting for the first time 🤣🤣
Going now to meet a friend who knows us from the hobby - I haven't said anyrging to anyone in RL -is really difficult.

Children are the best excuse ever.😆

I have to say 2-3 weeks in I'm bored of online dating already. I thought it was fun last time, now it's all a bit meh.
A fair few matches on Tinder but I'm like zzz. Bumble is free so I have swipe limits. Swipe for 15 or so, and then still can't find who the bees are.
I do have my guard up though, I cannot see myself ever sharing my space again.

Well that’s not selling the online dating thing to me …. 😂 But I’m thinking it will be better than the guy that never shows. Maybe will just try both.

why are you bored of it, you’ve had a fair few dates hey?

Thanks I think you’re both right, it’s just annoying because the chat is good and he appreciates my sarcasm so when we do talk it’s easy 😂. Will try OLD and see what happens.

I've had 3 dates.
They all sort of left me feeling meh on the 2nd date..
I'm going out with a female friend her child and mine next Saturday.
Like a family.😆

However my ex girlfriend cleans for her on Sundays.🤣🤣😳

Wow, you don’t make it easy on yourself that will be awkward 😬

I think that’s my worry about OLD, just don’t want it to be hard work or actually just a massive let down.

You might meet the love of life on the first match. I took a break for 6 months once then met a beautiful woman that is etched in my memory forever.
We've all got different criteria aswell.
I'm dabbling with apps and RL.
Not in a rush..

Oh no I don’t want to be meeting the love of my life, I’m on my second failed marriage at 42 so I need to practice dating with no commitment and stop marrying people 🤦‍♀️

Sounds like you are getting a good balance of RL and OLD though so hopefully you will feel like someone is a bit more promising soon

Thanks. I'm on one failed marriage and 2 engagements in 30 yrs.
I'm not in a rush.

Just to briefly explain ex and I are not together because she buggered off with a colleague who just happens to be an ex-boyfriend. Ex and I were together for 3.5 yrs, I've known the friend for nearly a decade.
I introduced them, they're not friends ex works for my friend on an ad hoc basis to top up her income.
I'm not deliberately attempting to wind the ex up, just reconnecting old friendships post-breakup. The ex doesn't have to know, plus she's still enjoying her new relationship.😆

To be fair I think you would be entitled to wind her up a bit 😂

And you should rekindle those friendships, this being single malarkey gets super lonely.

It's just set of circumstances.
Although I can see friend deliberately dropping in conversation the fact she met up with me.🤣
Ex doesn't strike me as the jealous type.
Battle of the blondes.🤣