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Original poster

Partner tight with money

171 replies

Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 06:10

Hi all,
I'm just hoping for opinions from others. It’s my first time posting on here.
my partner has 2 children from previous relationships. I love him & them to bits!!
Last week my best friend’s ( we have been bf’s since nursery, we are now 45!) daughter had a baby. I actually cut the cord of my best friend’s daughter when she was born. I hope this gives you an insight as to how close we are. Their family in my eyes.
My boyfriend rung last week to say he’s selling his sons mama’s & papa’s cot would my best friend be interested in it for her granddaughter?My reply was, that she’s like family, I could never take money off her for the cot & besides I’m yet to buy her granddaughter a present.
I said i can’t afford it atm. Well I’m totally shocked that he didn’t say, it’s fine babe just offer her the cot, as he knows my financial situation at present. If he was struggling with money, i would totally understand, however he isn’t.
I know he’s tight however I really didn’t think he would be when it came to helping me out. I always pay my way with him, I gave £20 for his Mother’s Day card that I have yet to have back. He only wanted £40-50 for the cot.
I just feel so so hurt by him & the fact that he wasn’t prepared to help me out. He even thinks I asked my mother to lend me money to get the cot & he was totally fine with that.
I mean there’s tight & then there’s this! 🤦‍♀️ It’s a new relationship, 6 mnths & he’s perfect in every other way. I mean he doesn’t buy me anything but I’m fine with that as I have always looked after myself, my daughter & grandson financially.
please can I have your opinions? I must add that he hasn’t debts, he has a well paid job & he doesn’t gamble ect.
Hope to have some opinions sooon!
love Z7

OP posts:
Crumpetdisappointment · 26/03/2023 06:12

well he is trying to make money out of the situation
why is that so bad?

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 06:16

Because he’s my partner & I’m totally skint at present

OP posts:
Crumpetdisappointment · 26/03/2023 06:18

how much is a second hand cot normally?

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 06:19

If he didn’t have money, I would totally understand! Or if he said you can give the money to me next month would have been something 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 06:20

I honestly haven’t a clue! I think he was putting it up for 50 & expecting 40

OP posts:
aloris · 26/03/2023 06:21

I don't really understand. What is "his son's mama's and papa's cot?" Isn't that his child's cot? Doesn't the child's mother own the cot? Why would his child's mother give you her cot for free to give to a woman she doesn't know? Or does "his son's mama's and papa's cot" means a cot belonging to your partner's parents? Again, why would your partner's parents give their cot for free to your friend whom they don't know? Even if it's your partner's own old cot, I don't understand why he would give it for free to a woman he doesn't know. He does not have a bond or obligation to her.

Crumpetdisappointment · 26/03/2023 06:21

does she want to buy it for herself?
i mean, do you have to buy it?

Dominikaa · 26/03/2023 06:22

Yeah I'd not expect things for free from your bf of 6mths. If you are unable to pay your bf just forget the whole
thing and get you bff what/ when you can afford. No dramas.

I'd only expect my child's dad to
pay 50% bills related to our child. Anything more than that he should have the right to decide for himself without having to explain himself to anyone, imo.

aloris · 26/03/2023 06:24

Oh I just realized you've only been together 6 months. I would not expect a free cot at this point. Free baby stuff is usually kept for family if it's not sold. However if you lent him 20 to buy his mum a card and he hasn't paid you back yet nor mentioned when he's planning to do so, then he is definitely tight and you should ask for it back.

MintJulia · 26/03/2023 06:25

Maybe he is financially secure BECAUSE he doesn't give away £50 cots.

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 06:25

I think I have said all this wrong 🤦‍♀️ It’s my partners cot that he bought for his son. It’s nothing to do with my partners sons mother. They split years ago.
The cot would have been for my best friend of 42 years who he knows is like family to me. I hope that makes sense 🤣

OP posts:
BrainOnFire · 26/03/2023 06:26

@aloris mama's and papa's is the cot brand.

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 06:26

Yes I would buy it

OP posts:
Crumpetdisappointment · 26/03/2023 06:26

he is canny
fair play to him

Crumpetdisappointment · 26/03/2023 06:28

research how much a second hand cot would be op
and remind him about the £20 he owes you

Crumpetdisappointment · 26/03/2023 06:28

and let him and your friend liaise with each other

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 06:29

Honestly I wouldn’t dream of asking for it back. Yeah maybe I’m expecting too much, it just would have helped me out , hey ho

OP posts:
TriciaMcMillan · 26/03/2023 06:29

aloris · 26/03/2023 06:21

I don't really understand. What is "his son's mama's and papa's cot?" Isn't that his child's cot? Doesn't the child's mother own the cot? Why would his child's mother give you her cot for free to give to a woman she doesn't know? Or does "his son's mama's and papa's cot" means a cot belonging to your partner's parents? Again, why would your partner's parents give their cot for free to your friend whom they don't know? Even if it's your partner's own old cot, I don't understand why he would give it for free to a woman he doesn't know. He does not have a bond or obligation to her.

Mamas and Papas is the brand.

www.mamasandpapas.com

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 06:30

🤣🤣🤣 I love this!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 06:32

Oh yeeesss!!

OP posts:
ArcticSkewer · 26/03/2023 06:35

You attach emotional meaning to money. He doesn't.

Why couldn't you ask them if they wanted to buy it and leave them the choice? People are funny about second hand stuff anyway, and this must be old (?), so I can't see them being bothered but their choice.

You lent him £20. You remember he owes you. You need the money. You won't ask for it back. That's an unhelpful attitude to money as well. He's quite happy to keep your money and .. worse ... didn't offer to deduct it from the cost of the cot, for instance. That's not very nice of him.

He isn't a partner after 6 months, surely?

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 06:36

Thank you all for your advice x

OP posts:
Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 06:40

Yes…… that’s exactly what I’ve done emotionally!! We have been official for 6 mnths, dating for the past year.
Your absolutely right about asking for the £20 back, however i feel I look tight then 🤦‍♀️ I’m such a drip!

OP posts:
aloris · 26/03/2023 06:43

You say you feel you will look tight if you ask him for your money back. Is that a way you've always been, or is it that if you ask for money back he sends signals that you are tight? Either way, if he doesn't offer the money back, then I would start feeling a bit wary of him, considering he knows you count your pennies. Also he has a bit of a brass neck asking you to pay the same for the cot as what he was going to sell it for to someone who he didn't owe money to. He could have said, "I was going to ask 50 for it but since I owe you twenty then if you give me 30 we'll be good. Does that work for you?"

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 06:44

Actually your absolutely right….. I’m going to woman up & ask for the £20 back…… thank you 😊

OP posts:
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