Partner tight with money

[Zelda7]

Hi all,
I'm just hoping for opinions from others. It’s my first time posting on here.
my partner has 2 children from previous relationships. I love him & them to bits!!
Last week my best friend’s ( we have been bf’s since nursery, we are now 45!) daughter had a baby. I actually cut the cord of my best friend’s daughter when she was born. I hope this gives you an insight as to how close we are. Their family in my eyes.
My boyfriend rung last week to say he’s selling his sons mama’s & papa’s cot would my best friend be interested in it for her granddaughter?My reply was, that she’s like family, I could never take money off her for the cot & besides I’m yet to buy her granddaughter a present.
I said i can’t afford it atm. Well I’m totally shocked that he didn’t say, it’s fine babe just offer her the cot, as he knows my financial situation at present. If he was struggling with money, i would totally understand, however he isn’t.
I know he’s tight however I really didn’t think he would be when it came to helping me out. I always pay my way with him, I gave £20 for his Mother’s Day card that I have yet to have back. He only wanted £40-50 for the cot.
I just feel so so hurt by him & the fact that he wasn’t prepared to help me out. He even thinks I asked my mother to lend me money to get the cot & he was totally fine with that.
I mean there’s tight & then there’s this! 🤦‍♀️ It’s a new relationship, 6 mnths & he’s perfect in every other way. I mean he doesn’t buy me anything but I’m fine with that as I have always looked after myself, my daughter & grandson financially.
please can I have your opinions? I must add that he hasn’t debts, he has a well paid job & he doesn’t gamble ect.
Hope to have some opinions sooon!
love Z7

Op, have a look on marketplace etc - I'm sure you can find a cheaper cot. Also get the 20 back from your boyfriend and really don't feel bad about it. He knows you're skint but is holding onto your money. I think that says more about him than the cot situation.

Enjoy being an honorary aunty.

You’ve only known him for 6 months and he doesn’t know your friend so it’s reasonable that he wants money for it.

Make sure you get your owed money back from him. It seems to me you’re happy to share finances with him but he’s not feeling same about you but happy to take advantage.

Are you perhaps over invested in him, because your relationship is still in its early stages?

@baileys6904 its a cot babe…… a cot 🤣🤣🤣

@Zelda7 its not me that can't afford it 'babe'

@Zippetydooda hi, yes he does know her. I’m from a small town, we have all grown up with each other, flew the nest then returned so to speak. Thank you x

@mewkins That thought has definitely crossed my mind…… thank you x

Well it’s pretty fucking cheeky for someone so “careful” with money to borrow £20 from someone they know is on a tight budget and then “forget” to pay it back. Far more cheeky in fact, as per most tight people.

@determinedtomakethiswork hi, I’m not always this skint….. thankfully, it’s just this month. When we go out it’s more me paying than him x

@baileys6904 🤭🤭🤭

OP, I personally couldn’t be with someone who was tight, I think women have been so conditioned to be terrified of being called a good digger that they’re over compensating in many situations. Like you, I like to treat a partner but I expect the same in return. If you continue this relationship, then you have to do so on the same basis he is using, you never buy him or his kids anything at all, never let him “forget” he’s borrowed money, never treat him to a coffee, you’ll have to be strict with yourself or he will take advantage.

Or maybe he's financially secure because he borrows money but "forgets" to pay it back?

Just read that you say you pay for coffees and meals more than he does.
That’s vey unattractive. Does that not put you off him? Should be at least 50:50.

You need to have a frank conversation with him about money.
He knows you find this awkward and he’s taking advantage of this and your giving nature.
On the other hand, he doesn’t feel shame or awkward about fleecing you. Sort him out or get rid.

@Naunet Thank you for being one the few who actually see that x

@Zippetydooda Yes, I think I need a sit down conversation with him about all this. What you have said makes perfect sense to me , thank you x

You wont be as skint when you stop paying for this mans company

@Naunet your right, I definitely need to be way more aware x

But why are you paying more than he is? Why would you do that? He has money, why doesn't he spend it?

need need to start going dutch op @Zelda7
get your £20 back
and suggest from now on you just pay for yourselves, tell him you are saving

@TeaserandtheFirecat i definitely have to be more aware!

@Crumpetdisappointment I most definitely will be, from this point on! Dutch all the way….. infact I’ll just say I’ll get mine, you get yours as he eats way more than me, x

£20 for a card???

@determinedtomakethiswork Its only this morning after reading comments then actually stopping & thinking I have realised, I need to change asap & I’m going too x

So have a think about it, does he come to your house and have meals without contributing? Do you ever go to his house and have a meal without contributing?

If he's selling it for his son you've basically asked him to not do that.
The fifty or forty or whatever is for his son, as I read it.
You've asked for it to be a giveaway for your best friend, meaning no money for his son.
That doesn't trump his own son.
That's a nice a man, not a tight arse.

If you want the Mother's Day card money back , just ask him, rather than storing it up to create your own invisible calculation of debt to present to him later on.

@MrMucker I would NEVER take money from his son!! I know my partners financial situation so that’s definitely not the case!