Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner tight with money

171 replies

Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 06:10

Hi all,
I'm just hoping for opinions from others. It’s my first time posting on here.
my partner has 2 children from previous relationships. I love him & them to bits!!
Last week my best friend’s ( we have been bf’s since nursery, we are now 45!) daughter had a baby. I actually cut the cord of my best friend’s daughter when she was born. I hope this gives you an insight as to how close we are. Their family in my eyes.
My boyfriend rung last week to say he’s selling his sons mama’s & papa’s cot would my best friend be interested in it for her granddaughter?My reply was, that she’s like family, I could never take money off her for the cot & besides I’m yet to buy her granddaughter a present.
I said i can’t afford it atm. Well I’m totally shocked that he didn’t say, it’s fine babe just offer her the cot, as he knows my financial situation at present. If he was struggling with money, i would totally understand, however he isn’t.
I know he’s tight however I really didn’t think he would be when it came to helping me out. I always pay my way with him, I gave £20 for his Mother’s Day card that I have yet to have back. He only wanted £40-50 for the cot.
I just feel so so hurt by him & the fact that he wasn’t prepared to help me out. He even thinks I asked my mother to lend me money to get the cot & he was totally fine with that.
I mean there’s tight & then there’s this! 🤦‍♀️ It’s a new relationship, 6 mnths & he’s perfect in every other way. I mean he doesn’t buy me anything but I’m fine with that as I have always looked after myself, my daughter & grandson financially.
please can I have your opinions? I must add that he hasn’t debts, he has a well paid job & he doesn’t gamble ect.
Hope to have some opinions sooon!
love Z7

OP posts:
Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 07:43

Thank you, you have been most helpful, I appreciate it. Some people on here are rather savage, I’m quite shocked 😳 Your advice has fab though X

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 26/03/2023 07:44

Just tell him that you’d like to buy the cot for your friend’s DD, so he can keep the 20 he owes you and would he be ok to wait a couple of weeks for the remaining 20. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 07:45

That’s what I wanted to do, but he just didn’t want that 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Figmentof · 26/03/2023 07:46

whateverwillbewillbewontit · 26/03/2023 07:40

So many incredibly tight people on Mumsnet are showing up on this thread. 😂😂😂

Well I am not tight, I am not careful with money, in fact I spend it a little too freely if anything. But OP is being cheeky, she wants to pretend that she is generous and kind, but her “generosity” is not her own, it is at somebody else’s expense. And she is calling that other person tight, when it probably didn’t even occur to him that she expects him to make £40-50 gifts to her friends adult daughter! Thinking that she is cheeky, does not make me tight or indeed have any bearing on my own attitude to money.

Campervangirl · 26/03/2023 07:50

I think you're overthinking the situation.
Some people, especially men 😉, don't always think the same way we do.
The £20, he could have just forgotten to pay you back, I'd ask for it.
The cot, it's probably not crossed his mind to offer it to your bff for free.
In his mind he's selling a cot, end of, his mind hasn't naturally gone to "oh I'll give it to Z7 and she can use it as her present to bff"
You've mentioned to him that you can't afford it at the mo.
In your mind you're thinking he could offer it to me for free.
You're both on different pages.
You need to spell it out.
"Hey, could I have the cot for bff and pay you on payday and I'll knock that £20 off"
It may be that he's not tight with money it's just that he's not as generous as you.
Unless there's a massive backstory of him being tight and you paying for everything I wouldn't let this one incident ruin what could be a good relationship over a miscommunication

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 07:50

Totally agree 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 26/03/2023 07:50

Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 07:45

That’s what I wanted to do, but he just didn’t want that 🤷‍♀️

Is this reply for me?

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 07:53

Hope your hangover isn’t too bad! Yes…. You have got it in one! That’s what I wanted to do. It’s that simple. Sorry if I’m confusing everyone….. it’s my first time on here & i haven’t got the hang of it yet 🤦‍♀️ x

OP posts:
Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 07:56

🤣🤣🤣 you have it all wrong!! It would have been off both of us as he knows her!!

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 26/03/2023 07:57

EddieSteady · 26/03/2023 07:25

He had his bank card and the MD card. The £20 cash was to go inside it, which he would have had to to the cashpoint for so OP gave it to him to save him the trip because he was in a rush.

Show quote history

How did you work that out from the op's posts? Do people put cash in Mother's Day cards?

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 07:58

Thank you so so so much! I’m guilty of overthinking, so thank you!! X

OP posts:
EddieSteady · 26/03/2023 07:58

Campervangirl · 26/03/2023 07:50

I think you're overthinking the situation.
Some people, especially men 😉, don't always think the same way we do.
The £20, he could have just forgotten to pay you back, I'd ask for it.
The cot, it's probably not crossed his mind to offer it to your bff for free.
In his mind he's selling a cot, end of, his mind hasn't naturally gone to "oh I'll give it to Z7 and she can use it as her present to bff"
You've mentioned to him that you can't afford it at the mo.
In your mind you're thinking he could offer it to me for free.
You're both on different pages.
You need to spell it out.
"Hey, could I have the cot for bff and pay you on payday and I'll knock that £20 off"
It may be that he's not tight with money it's just that he's not as generous as you.
Unless there's a massive backstory of him being tight and you paying for everything I wouldn't let this one incident ruin what could be a good relationship over a miscommunication

This is what I think. He probably didn't even think it.

I am not tight but if I offered to sell something to someone and they said they couldn't afford it, it wouldn't occur to me to say oh you can just have it then. And if I was the other side and it was me that I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't expect the person to just to give it me and I wouldn't think they were tight for not doing so.

My mind just wouldn't go there.

Tomkirkman · 26/03/2023 07:59

Ikilledthebabysharkdododuhdodudoo · 26/03/2023 07:42

1 - From what you’ve posted you weren’t expecting cot for free. You just wanted partner to maybe let you pay later. That’s not being a CF (cheeky fucker) in my opinion.

2 - Given you gave him £20 for his mum I think he’s being a bit of a dick not to at least say “just give me another £20”. Remind him of that asap!!

3- please could you hit “reply” to comments you’re responding to, as the thread is hard to follow otherwise. Thanks.

(dunno why I did this with numbers. Very hungover, sorry!)

Op quite clearly said she was shocked he didn’t say ‘babe it fine, just offer her the cot’.

So yes, she is disappointed he didn’t give it to her, to give to them for free.

Op has even told him she had to lend the money off her own mum to pay for it. Why she would say when she didn’t is really odd, seems an attempt to try to manipulate him to giving it for free.

Beautiful3 · 26/03/2023 08:00

Personally I think he's tight. Tight men are gross. He owes you twenty quid, I'd ask for it back. Make sure you get it. He isn't afraid to ask for money, and nor should you.

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 08:00

fully aware I started the thread lovely. You just seem to know more about my relationship than I do!! 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 26/03/2023 08:01

Coupled with the fact that he hasn't paid you back the £20, yes, I do think he is a bit tight.
Further ( if I've understood properly) the £20 was to put in a MothersDay card, which is just a totally weird thing to do. Cash in cards is for children who don't have an income. To do it for adults is both lazy and patronising in my view.

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 08:02

Why don’t you ask me then??

OP posts:
RocketIceLollie · 26/03/2023 08:02

Desperate for money for 2nd hand items, can't afford a card for mother's day....Maybe he's not as well off as you believe? Paying child maintenance for two children probably makes a big dent in his outgoings.

EddieSteady · 26/03/2023 08:02

knittingaddict · 26/03/2023 07:57

How did you work that out from the op's posts? Do people put cash in Mother's Day cards?

Show quote history

It was a bit confusing at first but then someone asked OP how much the MD card was and she said:

"I haven’t a clue, he got that a few days prior, I just lent the cash to go inside"

Yes some people put cash inside cards. MD ones included 😊

knittingaddict · 26/03/2023 08:03

Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 08:00

fully aware I started the thread lovely. You just seem to know more about my relationship than I do!! 🤷‍♀️

I haven't commented on your relationship at all.

Op, it would really help if you would quote the people you are replying to. I'm not the only one confused about who you are referencing when you post.

knittingaddict · 26/03/2023 08:03

EddieSteady · 26/03/2023 08:02

It was a bit confusing at first but then someone asked OP how much the MD card was and she said:

"I haven’t a clue, he got that a few days prior, I just lent the cash to go inside"

Yes some people put cash inside cards. MD ones included 😊

Show quote history

Missed that bit. Thanks for explaining.

Original poster
Zelda7 · 26/03/2023 08:04

I’m so sorry! I’m just hitting reply, is that right?

OP posts:
barmycatmum · 26/03/2023 08:10

Yeah, this would put me off him, but I’m wary of cheapness in a partner, after having been burned, so take this with a grain of salt-

but also, keep your eyes open. You’ve seen something now that may be a red flag. So just notice from here on out, whether he’s stingy with you, and whether you wind up loaning money/ are not paid back/ pay for things most often.

ugh. I hope it isn’t what I think it is, but it doesn’t look good to me that he also has not paid you back.

cannot STAND a “cocklodger”

barmycatmum · 26/03/2023 08:11

I’d ask for the £20 back and then dump him, but that’s me- I have a “no second chances at all” policy 😂😂

Daffodilsandbeer · 26/03/2023 08:12

He’s not your partner,he’s your boyfriend and stop being so grabby you’re not entitled to a free cot.