Partner tight with money

[Zelda7]

Hi all,
I'm just hoping for opinions from others. It’s my first time posting on here.
my partner has 2 children from previous relationships. I love him & them to bits!!
Last week my best friend’s ( we have been bf’s since nursery, we are now 45!) daughter had a baby. I actually cut the cord of my best friend’s daughter when she was born. I hope this gives you an insight as to how close we are. Their family in my eyes.
My boyfriend rung last week to say he’s selling his sons mama’s & papa’s cot would my best friend be interested in it for her granddaughter?My reply was, that she’s like family, I could never take money off her for the cot & besides I’m yet to buy her granddaughter a present.
I said i can’t afford it atm. Well I’m totally shocked that he didn’t say, it’s fine babe just offer her the cot, as he knows my financial situation at present. If he was struggling with money, i would totally understand, however he isn’t.
I know he’s tight however I really didn’t think he would be when it came to helping me out. I always pay my way with him, I gave £20 for his Mother’s Day card that I have yet to have back. He only wanted £40-50 for the cot.
I just feel so so hurt by him & the fact that he wasn’t prepared to help me out. He even thinks I asked my mother to lend me money to get the cot & he was totally fine with that.
I mean there’s tight & then there’s this! 🤦‍♀️ It’s a new relationship, 6 mnths & he’s perfect in every other way. I mean he doesn’t buy me anything but I’m fine with that as I have always looked after myself, my daughter & grandson financially.
please can I have your opinions? I must add that he hasn’t debts, he has a well paid job & he doesn’t gamble ect.
Hope to have some opinions sooon!
love Z7

He should want to make you happy, and to be part of a kind gesture to your friend because she is important to you and therefore him. You're not expecting anything unreasonable. Sounds like he isn't on the same wavelength - could you suggest to him that he goes in on it with you as a gift? And he can keep the 20 he owes you?

yes it’s not his fault, however if you can help someone out…. Why not?

Ask your boyfriend for the money he owes you for the card and buy the baby a present with that money.

Do they actually want the cot?
@Zelda7 you can respond to individuals by using the @ symbol and then typing the name directly afterwards, that way people will know who your comments are directed at.
It’s really confusing to read a thread with multiple cross conversations going on when you don’t know who’s being spoken to!

Is he tight with money in other ways? Or could he just be an oblivious man who hasn't read the subtext? My DH doesn't pick up on anything unless it's spelled out for him.

I'd say to him, 'hey I'd love to buy that cot but money's a bit stretched this month. I lent you £20 last week for the mother's day card so instead of paying me back can I put that towards it and just give you the rest next month after I get paid?'

@TheChosenTwo thank you so so much for that! Honestly I didn’t have a clue what I was doing! To be perfectly honest I’m not mentioning the cot again to him or my friend. I just wanted other peoples opinions because it’s something that has played on me.
After reading the comments, i have just come to the conclusion he just didn’t think 🤔
At the same time, I’m going to be on guard to check that our principles can meet somewhere in the middle. I’m very free with things, it’s the way I have been brought up however I’ve got to realise not everyone is the same. Thank you so much again X

@bluebird3 Yes he is very much like that tbh. Thank you for your advice X

Yes! be very very wary of tight men. They DO NOT CHANGE.

@Pissghetti Your absolutely right, he isn’t on the same wavelength 🤣 & thanks for your advice x

Is he tight with other things as well like drinks or dinners out etc? I would have just let friend know he was selling a crib so she could buy it or not and bought her something separate as a gift.

This. I wouldn’t have given it away for free either.

@Figmentof you assume I’m being cheeky. You assume that an adult has had a baby….. infact it’s a 15 yr old girl who needs all the support & help possible. So please open your mind before commenting. I would have paid him back for the cot on pay day. People like you & I are polar opposites…… thankfully x

If he split from his son's mother years ago how old is the cot?

@Beautiful3 I totally agree & hoping because it wasn’t spelled out to him that’s why it got to this stage. However I’m definitely on my guard now when it comes to tightness! X

@Chowtime hi, it’s 4 yrs old. They split up when his son was a young baby

@drpet49 Thankfully we are all different!

@MintJulia 🤣🤣🤣 this has really made me giggle 🤭

@Shoxfordian Well now you’ve mentioned it, I pay for food & coffee’s way more than him 🤔

You say that you are always broke and that he never pays for anything for you. Do you mean that if you went to a café or the pub he would pay for himself and you would pay for yourself, or do you pay for both?

Does being with him cost you anything? Do you pay for meals or does he stay at your house for long periods of time without contributing?

OP, I see your point. As a giver myself, that would be redefining the relationship for me. There’s a difference between a person that has and a giver. Your BF isn’t a giver and I personally will have problems with that. He isn’t just one that doesn’t give, he’s in addition, thoughtless.

How do you charge your partner for an item you own & you know she’s gifting to a sister like friend ?

Is this a cultural thing or something? Cos I’m
gen confused by how many people tend to see it his way ?

@Figmentof just read more of your comments, who mentioned demanding money 🤣🤣 you obviously have serious issues somewhere along the line my dear! I wish you all the best with them! CF….. moi….???🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

No surprise you pay for more coffees and meals.

You just don’t get it do you. You are pretending to be generous but here you are not doing anything yourself, other than pondering whether your boyfriend is tight because he hasn’t offered to give away the cot he was planning to sell.

And yes we are polar opposites because Iwould help a friend in need, out of my own pocket. Not complain that my boyfriend of six months isn’t donating to my friends. I wouldn’t dream of doing that. You have had months to prepare for the arrival of this baby and haven’t even managed to scrape together £20 and yet here you are claiming you are generous. What a joke. Yes thankfully I am nothing like you.

You've been together 6 months. He is not your partner....

If this was a bloke saying his girlfriend of 6 months wanted him to give something he was selling away for free, they'd be handed their arse.

At 6 months in a relationship, you're still trying to figure each other out, especially when there's a financial disparity. Perhaps he doesn't see your relationship as serious as you do yet

@Figmentof Any more to say??? I pity you 😘😘