So guilty and confused over a fling - desperate for advice.

[mummybrains]

I hope there is someone out there who can give me some straightforward advice. I became friendly with a married man back in November - someone who lives near me, we were in the same village club - we struck up a very flirty relationship and I was extremely flattered by the attentions of this charming, handsome man ( I had a baby a year ago who I love dearly but it was so thrilling to enjoy being something other than just a mummy).
We started going to a music group together before Christmas and our relationship rapidly developed into a more physical one. He thought it was getting too intense (he had a long affair with a very young girl 9 years ago - he's been married 22 years, and the young girl had his baby. He left her - his wife took him back and he now has a very good relationship at home with her and their children).
After Christmas we picked up again - we saw each other once a week. He always told me he didn't want a full on affair because he can't handle the deceit and the sneaking about and because he has so much to lose - and I do not want to risk losing my relationship with DP either, however last weekend we had the opportunity to go away together with a group of people (his wife did not come) and the inevitable happened - we slept together. He was very careful to remind me that this is not an affair, but now I cannot shake off the guilt at what I have done. It was a momentous thing for me - but he's coping just fine. He's a very busy person and I don't have the opportunity to see him for a few weeks. He says it was fantastic and if we have the opportunity again then it may happen again.
I would not want to be the partner of this man - with his track record and knowing how flirty he is - but I have now fallen for him so hard it is starting to destroy me. He knows I have got worked up about it and says he didn't predict this. Yesterday I forgot to feed my baby all day. I have started smoking again and cannot sleep. I have lost a stone and a half since December. I just need some sensible advice from anyone who has been there before I lose my head completely.

Oh God it gets worse!!

Just in case we forgot, everyone, Norma is back, posting her email and name dropping no less, lest we all forget she cybered somebody else's husband and was/is so proud of it

Will probably report myself now. Just needed to say it first

You obviously need to sit down and think about what you want. The man in question sounds like he is using you and so you should have nothing more to do with him. It will only end in tears.

Try and concentrate on your relationship with DP and work out what it is that you want from that relationship. You are prob feeling like you want to be treated like a 'woman' as opposed to a 'mother' but surely this is something you could work on with DP.

I think you've been very naive. He might have told you that he didn't want a full blown affair but he knew exactly what he was doing!!!
He got his end away!!!
Sorry to be so crass but that is what it all boils down to.
He doesn't have any respect for you, his wife and children or the other girl who also has his child.
I hope to god you protected yourself!!
Does he have any contact with the child that he fathered? Does he pay for it?
He sounds like scum and isn't worth anymore of your time.
How can you neglect your child all day because you was thinking about this man??
Concentrate on your family before your stupid actions destroy your family and stay away from the waster!!

You have to remember that you have a lo now ansd that your priorities must be to dd/ds?

I am slightly at the prospect the op could forget to feed her baby. How on earth does that happen? did the baby not cry? scream in fact? as the baby is apparently a year old he/she is probably mobile by now so did he/she not follow you around looking for food?

am starting to wonder if this is actually for real, because if it isn't then I think the op is guilty of child neglect.

WannaBe - as much as I hate to sound harsh to people when they post problems I too wondered about that! My lo is nearly 1 and she would not let me forget!!

Yes good thinking. It's probably Norma needing more glory. Check out the IP address, someone with administrative capabilities

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I don't agree that you were used. I think you were very attracted to this man and you persued him. He took what was on offer. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but you have allowed yourself to be completely swept away by all of this. To the extent that you neglected your baby.
He has told you he doesn't want an affair but I am sure he will happily accept whatever you give him.
Just move on from this and concentrate on all the good things you have in your life, the more deserving.

I hope for that poor baby's sake this is a troll!

and isn't it slightly odd that nb appeared fairly early on in this thread and yet I haven't seen her on any other threads on here for months? or have I just not been going on the right threads?

and to op, whatever you do I wouldn't follow norma's example and tell the wife. honestly you won't be doing her children any favours by alerting them to the reality that their father is a cheating scum.

Familliar troll

Yes, sadly I am for real.

Just to clarify the feeding thing - he was fed at 7am and then again at 8.30pm when I remembered. I am as guilty as hell over that part. He slept a lot. It won't happen today so don't go calling social services.

I am grateful indeed for all the posts - I knew there would be angry words but I need to hear how abominably thoughtless and selfish I have behaved in order to make myself pull myself together and do something. I have behaved like an utter whore and derserve everything I get. My DP is a wonderful man and I do not deserve him.

i am not sure how you could not feed a one year old allll day! i have one and it would be hellish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No no.. the utter whore bit is completely irrelevant when you consider that you say you left your baby thirteen hours without feeding him! If I wasn't now convinced you were Norma on one of her attention-deficit-benders I would, too, consider SS! And on that basis I won't bother asking how old the (fake) baby is.

And God I normally give trolls the benefit of the doubt!

You are for real - I notice that you posted on another thread about this in December. Walk away now and try and build on what you have with DP.

You're also feeling sorry for your self.
I certainly hope your DS doesn't go hungry again never mind just today.
I don't think I could go without food for that amount of time!!
You need to get a grip concentrate on your DS and stop wallowing.
You can be a neglectful mother in more ways than just not feeding him!!!

You just slip it in like its no big deal ONLY 13 HOURS without food....maybe you should change your username to mummyNObrains!!!!!!

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and why shouldn't people ring social services. You neglected your baby because you were too busy fantasising about your cheap shag.

I pity your baby.

actually mm op could be reported to ss if we reported this thread to mn hq they will have the IP address and from there it would be easy for the police to trace.

whatever the situation the shag doesn't give a toss so all you can do is get over yourself

moping arpound in a love sick way doesn't allow you to do that so you get dressed and go out with toddler and enjoy the fresh air and make some plans for your family life