@LooseGoose22 by selectively quoting my post the thread is getting taken over, so I’m not going to post any more after this. You choose to believe ‘once a cheater always a cheater’ which is not true in every single case, not at all. I know five couples personally where it was a one off and they are years down the line now. It saddens me that people get labelled as unable to change or grow as a person, it is entirely possible. It still doesn’t mean they should be taken back after infidelity, that’s up to the individual couple, nobody else. Of course there could be many more who do not change, but I can’t possibly claim to know that any more than you can. Just because they are rare here dodgy mean they don’t exist. Of course you have your opinion, and I respect that and you are of course entitled to it, as am I mine. Far more women who decide or decided to leave post here than those who choose to stay, they get a far easier ride. It therefore skews the statistics here into seeming as if many more leave than stay after infidelity, where if surveys are to be believed, the reverse is true. The ones who stay are missing on MN and there’s a good reason for that, but so many actually exist. Those who believe that in the right circumstances (very hard to achieve, granted) that reconciliation is possible, or want to just give it a try rarely post here, for obvious reasons. I get many, many private messages from OPs who asked for advice on here after discovering infidelity and don’t know what to do, who for fear of getting criticised daren’t post any more on their thread or daren’t update that they decided to try reconciliation. Recently someone posted on an old thread where the OP hadn’t posted for a while that they were worried about them, hoped they were ok and then said that they hoped that the OP’s disappearance didn’t mean she’d taken her husband back. If she had taken him back, she’d never post again after a comment like that. Not everyone repeats the disasters they create in their relationships over and over. They learn about themselves and do better. Nobody can pretend that they know every single person who has ever cheated did it more than once, it’s impossible for anybody to know that. Of course there are serial cheaters, selfish entitled men with little empathy, and nobody in their right mind would stay with men like that. When anyone does anything which they know is wrong, to any extent, it doesn’t mean that they necessarily have ingrained irredeemable character traits, or that they are inherently bad people. It is absolutely possible to recognise your flaws and weaknesses and change your behaviour, work to be a better person. Everyone should be doing it every day. Some people just refuse to change and continue their pattern of cheating or stealing or drug use or gambling or whatever it is that is destroying their lives. Sad but until the penny drops change won’t take place. But it doesn’t mean that it never does, or that it can’t. At no point did I suggest the OP ‘should’ do anything except what is appropriate for the OP, whatever that may be. I have put that throughout my posts but you’ve chosen to ignore it. Reconciliation isn’t popular on MN and it’s not for everyone, not at all, but I’m prepared to put an opposite view because otherwise the tidal wave of ‘once a cheater’ and ‘LTB’ marginalises and shames those who want to try to save their marriage, thus silencing them and closing down an avenue of possible support. Not what MN is supposed to be about. Not everybody does want change, and not everyone who cheats even wants to change, but anyone can be a safe partner if they choose to. Sadly for the ones who do, when the penny drops, their desire to do this comes too late after they have irreparably damaged their relationships. I’m no advocate for reconciliation in all circumstances, by a long, long way, but OP at first had said that she’d not decided what to do and was struggling. I put an alternative, with a big, big, caveat, and nothing more. It is up to OP what she does, nobody else.