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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To never speak to him again after this?

413 replies

shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 20:41

I've been dating a man for a few months now , we don't live together yet. My car broke down the other night on a busy dual carriageway in the rain at rush hour on my way home from work and it was a 2 hour wait for the AA man to come and rescue me. I messaged him and told him what had happened and he messaged be back saying 'that's sad' I later expressed that I felt I that he should have at least offered to come to me or offer me a lift home as the car went to the garage and I had to make my own way home. I said I was a bit upset that he hadn't even asked if I had got home ok. He responded that 'you want to click your fingers and I'm just going to drop everything and come' and 'I do actually have a life' and he said ' you think my world revolves around you and it doesn't' and 'why would I ask if you got home ok when you weren't even that far from home' and I have more important things to think about than a broken down car. I was shocked and upset as he had never behaved this way before but I haven't spoken to him since and I don't think I want to speak to him again. Was I in the wrong expecting him to show concern or help? He lives maybe a 20 minute drive from where I was.

OP posts:
EllieM27 · 17/03/2023 22:02

He has realized he overdid it with the nastiness and negging and that’s why there’s suddenly a lie about his father being unwell. Are you still contacting him? If ever there was a case for just blocking and ghosting someone this loser is it. Don’t give him another thought, he certainly hasn’t given you any.

wheresmyshoe · 17/03/2023 22:03

It isn't that he doesn't care about you it's that he only cares about him. Drop and block him, the only saving grace is you found out what an arse he is early on. Glad you got home safely.

MyriadOfTravels · 17/03/2023 22:04

He responded that 'you want to click your fingers and I'm just going to drop everything and come' and 'I do actually have a life' and he said ' you think my world revolves around you and it doesn't'

He just told you who he is and how he sees your relationship. Aka fuck buddy he doesn’t care about.
There is no going back from that.

Justmeandthedog1 · 17/03/2023 22:07

Those were really nasty responses from him and the later remark that his dad was ill is probably bullshit.
Walk away, he’ll never have your back.

WimpoleHat · 17/03/2023 22:07

You asked for a slice of time when he didn't want you.

Very good way to put it. I wouldn’t give him any more of your time going forward. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of making a big deal of it, though - just don’t be available, don’t be interested and don’t bother with him any more.

entirelyesspresso · 17/03/2023 22:07

Run like your tampon string is on fire

ilovepixie · 17/03/2023 22:08

Run like fuck

adriftinadenofvipers · 17/03/2023 22:10

entirelyesspresso · 17/03/2023 22:07

Run like your tampon string is on fire

😂

Yes, gone, gone gone, gone, gone, gone.

Well, you have your response already.

"That's sad. I have more important things to think about than a broken down father".

MMMarmite · 17/03/2023 22:10

Wow, he's really shown you what a relationship with him will be like! I, like you, would prefer something different. Lucky escape there I think.

Heatherjayne1972 · 17/03/2023 22:12

And sometimes the rubbish takes itself out

yeah block and delete

whynotwhatknot · 17/03/2023 22:12

wow what an angry man-if he said i cant come and help but let me know youre ok that would be fine but why so angry at you

Twillow · 17/03/2023 22:13

That's shocking.
Completely unreliable in a crisis. Bin.

Pixiedust1234 · 17/03/2023 22:14

Please tell me you haven't (and will not) responded to any of his messages? He was being deliberately nasty. There was absolutely no need for him to have texted you like that, none at all.

ScribblingPixie · 17/03/2023 22:17

He's not good enough for you, OP, nowhere near.

billy1966 · 17/03/2023 22:17

It's nearly unbelievable that he felt it necessary to spell out so clearly how little you matter.

Only a truly desperate woman would have any further contact with him

ChocSaltyBalls · 17/03/2023 22:17

Tosser

inthegoodlife · 17/03/2023 22:18

Run and never look back!

Aweebitpainful · 17/03/2023 22:20

You've seen his true colours. Believe them. It's a load of bollocks about his dad.

Hochjochhospiz · 17/03/2023 22:20

Opaljewel · 17/03/2023 21:57

Well arent you nice.

Show quote history

Just ignore. That poster shows up on every single thread where a man has behaved like a prick and twists it all around to lay the blame on the "entitled", "whining or angry" woman.
While reading through the thread I wondered how long it would be before such a poster showed up and who it would be... and there we have it. 3 pages in. Regular as clockwork.

sugarspices · 17/03/2023 22:22

I'd say drop him asap unless his dad actually has been rushed to hospital because in the scheme of things, a broken down car really is nothing in comparison to a seriously ill parent!

WindowGazers · 17/03/2023 22:22

Perfectly fine for him to be busy and not able to pick you up. What is not fine is the way he's speaking to you. I'd be incredibly hurt, especially that he didn't even bother to ask if you'd got everything sorted and made it home OK. Sorry OP, I'd get rid.

MangoPi · 17/03/2023 22:23

him not asking if you were home and okay is what is most telling for me.

That's actually quite strange - I would ask even a friend if they'd gotten home yet or if things were sorted had they reached out to me and told me this had happened to them on the way home.

Bikeybikeface · 17/03/2023 22:24

I’d wonder what he was up to at that particular time that would a) stop him from coming out to you and b) to react in such a way. He’s turning it on you.

Hochjochhospiz · 17/03/2023 22:26

Look, I know you haven't been seeing each other that long and you've probably got other people in your life who could help so he shouldn't necessarily be your first port of call but it's his complete lack of concern which is off, not to mention the way he responded:

'you want to click your fingers and I'm just going to drop everything and come' and 'I do actually have a life' and he said ' you think my world revolves around you and it doesn't' and 'why would I ask if you got home ok when you weren't even that far from home' and I have more important things to think about than a broken down car

That's just awful.
Also, any half-decent human being on receiving a text describing what had happened would have messaged "Oh that's bad, is there anything I can do to help?". I'd do that for a family member, a friend, a person I'd be dating, some random neighbour.
Or phoned you for a chat to keep you company while waiting.
Something at least - the tiniest bit of concern.
but NO... you get a whole diatribe as quoted above.
Best to bin him as this is what it's always going to be like and you deserve better than that.

Mom2K · 17/03/2023 22:27

In your shoes though I probably would not have called a boyfriend of just a few months in that situation. There must be others who you are closer to at that stage

Given the fact that majority here have said they'd help a neighbour or have been helped by people they barely knew in similar situations...I'd say that this is just common decency and nothing at all wrong with asking for the help of someone you are in an intimate relationship with and who is supposed to care about you.

His response was pretty extreme, he went out of his way to spell out to the OP that she doesn't have a right to expect any consideration or decency or help from him. He is utterly selfish.

I think it's extremely important that this happened early on and she sees his true nature rather than it occurring a year in etc when she would have already wasted more time on that tosser.