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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To never speak to him again after this?

413 replies

shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 20:41

I've been dating a man for a few months now , we don't live together yet. My car broke down the other night on a busy dual carriageway in the rain at rush hour on my way home from work and it was a 2 hour wait for the AA man to come and rescue me. I messaged him and told him what had happened and he messaged be back saying 'that's sad' I later expressed that I felt I that he should have at least offered to come to me or offer me a lift home as the car went to the garage and I had to make my own way home. I said I was a bit upset that he hadn't even asked if I had got home ok. He responded that 'you want to click your fingers and I'm just going to drop everything and come' and 'I do actually have a life' and he said ' you think my world revolves around you and it doesn't' and 'why would I ask if you got home ok when you weren't even that far from home' and I have more important things to think about than a broken down car. I was shocked and upset as he had never behaved this way before but I haven't spoken to him since and I don't think I want to speak to him again. Was I in the wrong expecting him to show concern or help? He lives maybe a 20 minute drive from where I was.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 17/03/2023 20:58

It’s horrible how he acted towards you but if it’s out of character for him then maybe there was something going on- his dad being taken to hospital- that was bothering him and stressing him out. He may have sent a quick reply to show he’s acknowledged you and then when you got angry with him then he became angry too.
I am definitely not excusing his behaviour but if it’s not like him then there might be more to the story.

WinterMusings · 17/03/2023 20:59

This weekend you need to hand wash & Polish your car! It's just saved you from relationship hell!!

you're going to get rid aren't your??

(and yes dad in hospital is complete bullocks & even if it were true, it's no excuse for his original response. He's just a wanker!!)

LassoOfTruth · 17/03/2023 20:59

That’s almost an aggressively dickish response. He’s shown his true colours, definitely block/get rid!

canfor · 17/03/2023 21:01

At least you found out he's a selfish git before you were too far in like living together.

MrsCarson · 17/03/2023 21:01

He sounds horrible and once it dawned on him how horrible he'd been he threw in the Dads in hospital part. He's still horrible. Dump his arse. I'd have picked up a neighbour if they'd called for that.

Original poster
shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 21:02

If he would have messaged back and said something like 'I'm so sorry I would come and help but x y and z has happened and I'm caught up' and messaged to make sure I got home ok I would have thought this would be a more normal response but it's his response that has made me rethink everything. I'm not going to continue pursuing a relationship with someone who I can't call in an emergency or won't come through for me when I need help. Thanks for confirming what I need to do. He doesn't give a shit about me does he?

OP posts:
Cloudhoppingdancer · 17/03/2023 21:03

He's revealed himself as a narcissist. You asked for a slice of time when he didn't want you.

tara66 · 17/03/2023 21:07

Seriously NOT a catch! Lucky you to find out so soon!

Nancydrawn · 17/03/2023 21:14

You're absolutely right, OP. Let's imagine that his dad was in hospital. He could have said at the time, "that's horrible; I'm so sorry. I wish I could come help, but my dad's been taken to hospital, and I can't get away." Or even if he had texted something brief because he was in the midst of things, "I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. My dad's in hospital and I've been deep in A&E admin. Are you okay?" I'm sure you would have been fine.

Lashing out is neither an attractive nor acceptable response.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 17/03/2023 21:15

What an arse. Don’t spend any more energy on that one. Next !

InSpainTheRain · 17/03/2023 21:16

Wow! Showed his true colours quickly. Please get rid otherwise you'll regret it later.

qwertykeyboards · 17/03/2023 21:16

You’ve dodged a bullet here.

Snoken · 17/03/2023 21:17

shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 21:02

If he would have messaged back and said something like 'I'm so sorry I would come and help but x y and z has happened and I'm caught up' and messaged to make sure I got home ok I would have thought this would be a more normal response but it's his response that has made me rethink everything. I'm not going to continue pursuing a relationship with someone who I can't call in an emergency or won't come through for me when I need help. Thanks for confirming what I need to do. He doesn't give a shit about me does he?

Yes, I agree he could have expressed himself in a much nicer way. There was no need to rub in how unimportant you are to him.

In your shoes though I probably would not have called a boyfriend of just a few months in that situation. There must be others who you are closer to at that stage. Regardless, you now know and you can walk away having no doubts you did the right thing.

whatthebejesus · 17/03/2023 21:18

Wow. Just wow. Consider yourself having a lucky escape at an early stage op

TheWitchingHour · 17/03/2023 21:18

Good lord, run for the hills, he’s just shown you exactly who he is, don’t stick around to see even more.

TurnipSurprise · 17/03/2023 21:19

Wow what a dick. If his dad was really sick he would have said so at the time.

Hope your car is easily fixed op. The relationship certainly needs sending to the scrap yard.

Greenfairydust · 17/03/2023 21:19

Dump him. Don't even tell him why, just block and move on.

He showed you who he truly is.

The bit about his dad also is pure manipulation/bullshit...

BellePeppa · 17/03/2023 21:19

Please don’t let him talk you round with empty apologies and promises to be better etc. He’s a c*nt and he’ll just get worse as time goes on not better. Stick to your guns and break it off.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/03/2023 21:19

Never speak to him again. Never text him again. Literally never. His mask didn't just slip, it fell through to the centre of the earth. And that shit about his dad? Total lie.

Backstreets · 17/03/2023 21:23

Cloudhoppingdancer · 17/03/2023 21:03

He's revealed himself as a narcissist. You asked for a slice of time when he didn't want you.

Amazing line. Really cuts down to the bone of how some men seemingly have two personalities.

Original poster
shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 21:23

I also haven't had a car now for 2 days as it's been at the garage and I have to use it for work and friends and my mum have been rallying round giving me lifts and trying to help out and nothing from him which has kind of cemented it for me.

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 17/03/2023 21:24

He's shown his true colours, that he's a raging arsehole.
Bin him off and find someone with some empathy

parlourb · 17/03/2023 21:24

So he knew he should be coming to help you if he was a normal run of the mill half decent person, obviously isn't one so aggressively turned on you instead. Massive lucky escape from this one !

firsttimemum1230 · 17/03/2023 21:25

Honestly that is a red flag right there and your so right to never want to talk to him again and I wouldn’t.

katseyes7 · 17/03/2023 21:25

Get rid. Now. He's done you a favour, letting you see his true colours.

My neighbour, who is young enough to be my son, offered to drive me to and home from work last year when we had heavy snow. It's a 22 mile round trip (about 20 minutes each way), and he'd have had to turn out at 9pm to collect me.
I drive, but the snow had been bad and a lot of my journey is country roads.
I have breakdown cover, but l'm pretty sure if l needed him, my neighbour would help me out. Both him and his wife, and my neighbour on the other side have, on several occasions. And vice versa.
As it happened, l drove myself and l was fine. But very touched that the offer and thought was there.
You deserve better, OP. I wouldn't let an acquaintance, never mind someone l was supposedly in a relationship with, wait alone on a motorway for 2 hours.