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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To never speak to him again after this?

413 replies

shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 20:41

I've been dating a man for a few months now , we don't live together yet. My car broke down the other night on a busy dual carriageway in the rain at rush hour on my way home from work and it was a 2 hour wait for the AA man to come and rescue me. I messaged him and told him what had happened and he messaged be back saying 'that's sad' I later expressed that I felt I that he should have at least offered to come to me or offer me a lift home as the car went to the garage and I had to make my own way home. I said I was a bit upset that he hadn't even asked if I had got home ok. He responded that 'you want to click your fingers and I'm just going to drop everything and come' and 'I do actually have a life' and he said ' you think my world revolves around you and it doesn't' and 'why would I ask if you got home ok when you weren't even that far from home' and I have more important things to think about than a broken down car. I was shocked and upset as he had never behaved this way before but I haven't spoken to him since and I don't think I want to speak to him again. Was I in the wrong expecting him to show concern or help? He lives maybe a 20 minute drive from where I was.

OP posts:
callthataspade · 23/03/2023 18:27

Beware the reeling back in of the narcissistic prick... it starts this way

He's not a cheeky sod. It's far worse

Is there any reason you haven't blocked him now? Just wondering. As clearly you can see he's not worth it.

This one has instant block written all over it for me

honeyrider · 23/03/2023 18:36

He needs to be blocked.

KatherineJaneway · 23/03/2023 18:39

shestakingtheurine · 23/03/2023 17:58

He sent me a picture this morning of him driving past my house on the way to work and messaged me 'shame you're not in my good books or i would have popped in to say hi Hmm. I didn't respond I just thought we'll you're not in my fucking good books either, cheeky sod.

What a pratt. You're well rid. Lazy, arrogant and a liar.

Sandra1984 · 23/03/2023 18:43

shestakingtheurine · 23/03/2023 17:58

He sent me a picture this morning of him driving past my house on the way to work and messaged me 'shame you're not in my good books or i would have popped in to say hi Hmm. I didn't respond I just thought we'll you're not in my fucking good books either, cheeky sod.

Ohhh... so his highness is "punishing" you without that great honour on his part of stopping to say "hi", he's also letting you know. You must be utterly genuinely devastated (insert sarcastic tone). That's a bit of hoover IMO so good you didn't reply, he was expecting you to text him back with some sort of reaction (good or bad) as to see we're you're at and how much control he still has over you. There will be other similar hoovering attempts in the next few weeks. Please don't go back to this emotional toddler. You deserve so much better.

Harrypewter · 23/03/2023 19:30

As if he didn't help.

I once had a date travel 60 miles to see me. Her car broke down on the way. She called to tell me.
I picked her up, organised a garage, then we went on our date.
Mean man.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 23/03/2023 19:43

Op get yourself to a charity shop tomorrow and leave a pair of men's boots on your front door step.

adriftinadenofvipers · 23/03/2023 21:49

Just block the childish twat. Don't even answer him.

7eleven · 23/03/2023 23:38

shestakingtheurine · 23/03/2023 17:58

He sent me a picture this morning of him driving past my house on the way to work and messaged me 'shame you're not in my good books or i would have popped in to say hi Hmm. I didn't respond I just thought we'll you're not in my fucking good books either, cheeky sod.

The pomposity of that message made me LOL. Who the heck does he think he is?!

Next, please.

MMMarmite · 24/03/2023 00:02

shestakingtheurine · 23/03/2023 17:58

He sent me a picture this morning of him driving past my house on the way to work and messaged me 'shame you're not in my good books or i would have popped in to say hi Hmm. I didn't respond I just thought we'll you're not in my fucking good books either, cheeky sod.

I'm sorry but that message is hilarious! Who the fuck writes something like that? He's saying "I'm thinking about you and want attention from you but I think I'm god's gift to the earth so I'll remind you that you have to apologise"

Hope you are okay OP

Pixiedust1234 · 24/03/2023 00:11

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 23/03/2023 19:43

Op get yourself to a charity shop tomorrow and leave a pair of men's boots on your front door step.

😂😂

SinnerBoy · 24/03/2023 00:17

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · Yesterday 18:19

Thank you for saving me the trouble of composing an acerbic response.

😃

shestakingtheurine · 24/03/2023 06:36

I think he feels that he needs to 'bring me down a peg or two '. I am fairly successful for my age, I have my own fiat, a masters degree and sometimes I got the impression that he felt like I was getting above my station. For example I can't remember how the conversation came about but I asked him what attracted him to me and he said 'I'm not telling you because I don't want you to get a big head and inflate your ego'. I know that some abusive men specifically go after confident and successful women because they like the challenge of breaking them down? I feel like this is what might have been happening to me.

OP posts:
shestakingtheurine · 24/03/2023 06:43

He's also said some suspicious things thinking back such as that 'women have never had it better I don't know why they complain think about how women lived 100 years ago'.

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 24/03/2023 08:15

Jeez OP, how much more do you need? He's a fully fledged, ocean going, copper bottomed arsewipe.

callthataspade · 24/03/2023 08:15

So why haven't you blocked him and moved on?

Figgygal · 24/03/2023 08:18

Yup bin him right off op the updates have confirmed it

BellePeppa · 24/03/2023 08:20

shestakingtheurine · 23/03/2023 17:58

He sent me a picture this morning of him driving past my house on the way to work and messaged me 'shame you're not in my good books or i would have popped in to say hi Hmm. I didn't respond I just thought we'll you're not in my fucking good books either, cheeky sod.

You are well rid of that! Who does he think he is! Glad to hear you’re not going to engage in any dialogue. Put him firmly in the dumpster with the lid on!

ReneBumsWombats · 24/03/2023 08:20

And ask yourself why you continued seeing him after all that. Obviously it's not your fault he's a twat, but how come your picker wasn't going to red alert much earlier?

BellePeppa · 24/03/2023 08:27

callthataspade · 23/03/2023 18:27

Beware the reeling back in of the narcissistic prick... it starts this way

He's not a cheeky sod. It's far worse

Is there any reason you haven't blocked him now? Just wondering. As clearly you can see he's not worth it.

This one has instant block written all over it for me

I would be concerned about this. If OP is not blocking but ‘enjoying’ (even if irritated by them) reading his texts she’s in danger of restarting dialogue and then getting reeled back in.

OP you need to block him!

Beaverbridge · 24/03/2023 08:33

Hes trying to get a response, block him. He's a wrong un.

Newestname002 · 24/03/2023 08:37

You can do without someone like this in your life, @shestakingtheurine so hopefully you've now blocked/deleted his number, and unfriended him from any social media if you have it. I'm assuming he doesn't have keys to your home - if so do change your locks. 🌹

MzHz · 24/03/2023 08:52

shestakingtheurine · 24/03/2023 06:36

I think he feels that he needs to 'bring me down a peg or two '. I am fairly successful for my age, I have my own fiat, a masters degree and sometimes I got the impression that he felt like I was getting above my station. For example I can't remember how the conversation came about but I asked him what attracted him to me and he said 'I'm not telling you because I don't want you to get a big head and inflate your ego'. I know that some abusive men specifically go after confident and successful women because they like the challenge of breaking them down? I feel like this is what might have been happening to me.

I was getting this vibe from your posts before this one

youve absolutely nailed it in this post. He’s a bad man to be in a relationship and you have dodged a bullet! Now block the twat!

Catoo · 24/03/2023 10:31

I think you’re wasting too much time thinking about him now. Get him blocked and move on. You don’t need anymore evidence that he’s an arsehole.
Good luck OP x

ExpatInSlavikLand · 24/03/2023 10:48

shestakingtheurine · 24/03/2023 06:36

I think he feels that he needs to 'bring me down a peg or two '. I am fairly successful for my age, I have my own fiat, a masters degree and sometimes I got the impression that he felt like I was getting above my station. For example I can't remember how the conversation came about but I asked him what attracted him to me and he said 'I'm not telling you because I don't want you to get a big head and inflate your ego'. I know that some abusive men specifically go after confident and successful women because they like the challenge of breaking them down? I feel like this is what might have been happening to me.

Oh OP, some pathetic, insecure men absolutely do do this.

You've dodged an almighty bullet there.

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 24/03/2023 11:15

SinnerBoy · 24/03/2023 00:17

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · Yesterday 18:19

Thank you for saving me the trouble of composing an acerbic response.

😃

You're very welcome! 😁

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