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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To never speak to him again after this?

413 replies

shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 20:41

I've been dating a man for a few months now , we don't live together yet. My car broke down the other night on a busy dual carriageway in the rain at rush hour on my way home from work and it was a 2 hour wait for the AA man to come and rescue me. I messaged him and told him what had happened and he messaged be back saying 'that's sad' I later expressed that I felt I that he should have at least offered to come to me or offer me a lift home as the car went to the garage and I had to make my own way home. I said I was a bit upset that he hadn't even asked if I had got home ok. He responded that 'you want to click your fingers and I'm just going to drop everything and come' and 'I do actually have a life' and he said ' you think my world revolves around you and it doesn't' and 'why would I ask if you got home ok when you weren't even that far from home' and I have more important things to think about than a broken down car. I was shocked and upset as he had never behaved this way before but I haven't spoken to him since and I don't think I want to speak to him again. Was I in the wrong expecting him to show concern or help? He lives maybe a 20 minute drive from where I was.

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 17/03/2023 23:01

echt · 17/03/2023 22:48

Bollocks.

She's woman on her own with a broken down car. His repetitively unpleasant observations are the issue here, not whether or not they're moving in together.

Show quote history

@echt I've agreed the way he spoke was harsh but she wasn't in the broken down car when he said those things. This was the next day when she called him out on his response. We only have some of his responses
She feels that enough of a red flag for hercto call things off (i think?) He's clearly not the right one for her so it's maybe a blessing in disguise and should just go their separate ways.

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 17/03/2023 23:05

🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

adriftinadenofvipers · 17/03/2023 23:05

GlassBunion · 17/03/2023 23:00

@adriftinadenofvipers
This really is a non issue. Trust me.

What's a non-issue? The way he turned on her?

That is not only an issue but a huge red flag. This specimen doesn't even have a basic level of manners.

Somethingneedstochange78 · 17/03/2023 23:07

Don't the recovery company drop you off at home? Or at least at the nearest train station?

Mamanyt · 17/03/2023 23:07

GCWorkNightmare · 17/03/2023 20:43

when people show you who they are……

Yes! THIS! And it won't get better with time, it will get worse.

jjeanii · 17/03/2023 23:07

Waw I'm really shocked reading this , how uncaring and a sign of things to come

Mamanyt · 17/03/2023 23:07

I hit "Post" too soon. Don't just never speak with him again, block him EVERYWHERE.

Theyresexpeoplemn · 17/03/2023 23:08

Don't feed the trolls, people. It's Friday night. Lots of keyboard bashing with hairy hands.

Wheresthebeach · 17/03/2023 23:10

Good you found out now so you can cut your losses before wasting any more time on him. Aggressive, nasty and just can’t possibly be worth another second of your time.

PlantKi1ler · 17/03/2023 23:12

He's charming isn't he?! I think you've dodged a bullet there.

SeatonCarew · 17/03/2023 23:13

Hochjochhospiz · 17/03/2023 22:46

Just another one of these characters who show up on threads like this to have a go at women who've had to put up with some man behaving like a prick.
This one is the second one on here.
There will be more along in a minute once they start sharing the link to this thread with others in whichever forum they otherwise inhabit.

Show quote history

Well said. Ausgezeichnet. 👏

MadonnasFacelift · 17/03/2023 23:13

Some people on this thread really need to raise their bar.

7eleven · 17/03/2023 23:14

He’s a meany. Drop him back in the ocean.

Carriecakes80 · 17/03/2023 23:16

Yeah I had a really really bad day at work once back when I was dating my DH, I text him just saying 'God I need a hug!' and he caught the train and travelled 4 1/2 hours from Essex to Bucks just to check on me, then he had to leave half an hour later to be back in time for work! (He's still that lovely too even after 17 years together!)
Get shot of that arsehole. You're worth way more.

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 17/03/2023 23:19

Hochjochhospiz · 17/03/2023 22:46

Just another one of these characters who show up on threads like this to have a go at women who've had to put up with some man behaving like a prick.
This one is the second one on here.
There will be more along in a minute once they start sharing the link to this thread with others in whichever forum they otherwise inhabit.

Show quote history

Sadly, I believe you're right.

JennyJenny8675309 · 17/03/2023 23:22

My ex husband did something similar one time, but our marriage was a crumbling pile of shite by that time. I wouldn’t expect a caring relationship to work that way.

ReneBumsWombats · 17/03/2023 23:24

JudgeRudy · 17/03/2023 22:44

@Opaljewel . Being nice wasn't my intention, neither have I been unkind. My opening sentence was 'it depends'...because on this one the devil is in the detail. OP has since given a bit more information. I have no idea what sort of relationship they have. She says she's been seeing him a few months (3, 4?) but randomly says 'were not living together yet'. I think the crux is he views her just as someone he's dating. She seems to think he should have dropped everything. I don't think that was a given. If she had said I'm stuck and frightened snd can't get home, will you help me...yeah he'd a bit mean to say no if he wasn't doing anything but if he was I feel its reasonable to say is there anyone else you can ask. It appears she just expected him (as he says) to drop everything and crush out to her. I'm not saying thst would be wrong, but I wouldn't feel entiitled to that from a newish boyfriend. Of course if they had spoken last week about moving in together and getting a mortgage or starting a family I would expect him to come....I'd slso expect a call not WhatsApp. They doesn't really convey acute distress.
As I said....it depends

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Oh hi, Judge. We've been expecting you.

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 17/03/2023 23:25

GlassBunion · 17/03/2023 22:51

You've been dating a few months. He's not really your support network though, is he?

It would have been lovely if he joined you but realistically, what could his presence have achieved? Did you really want him to just stand there with him? Why?

As to taking you home, you'd have had to stay there for your car to be retrieved.
If you needed a lift you could have asked for a lift from him else you could have found someone else . It's no big deal.

You both have differing expectations.

Even if he genuinely couldn't have physically gone to help her at the very least he could have shown some degree of concern! Good grief. 🤦🏻‍♂️

SapphireSeptember · 17/03/2023 23:28

@elastamum That's so lovely! I bet those lads were grateful. Smile

@Carriecakes80 Aww, that's so sweet of him. He sounds wonderful! ❤️

@shestakingtheurine Definitely throw this one back. Reminds me of my last boyfriend who always had to one-up me on everything, and then turned nasty one day. Thankfully he dumped me!

JudgeRudy · 17/03/2023 23:33

ReneBumsWombats · 17/03/2023 23:24

Oh hi, Judge. We've been expecting you.

Show quote history

Hi @ReneBumsWombats 👋 been on earlier and this evening.Bit of a mix tonight!

WidthofaLine · 17/03/2023 23:34

Cloudhoppingdancer · 17/03/2023 21:03

He's revealed himself as a narcissist. You asked for a slice of time when he didn't want you.

Yup

thelengthspeoplegoto · 17/03/2023 23:35

What a nasty little man, just imagine how awful life would be with him. Kick him to the kerb and don't look back.

nyxny · 17/03/2023 23:38

Once my wallet got pinched at Lidl.
I only realised when it was time to pay for the groceries
Had to return everything, it was in the evening after work on a Friday and I had pretty much nothing at home
I didn't use to do take aways at the time so I didn't have accounts anywhere online, no just eat or deliver and there were no getir or gorillas back then to receive instant groceries

I had no cash at home - but I found some left overs in the freezer so me and DD had some dinner with the plan to go to the bank next day and get some cash until new card arrived

Texted my BF of 9 months who lived only 30 minutes away, he said "your own fault for going to Lidl"

Texted my sister who lived 1.30h away, she said "omg, I am so sorry, do you need anything? What can I do to help? Should I send a pizza?"

Then a light bulb went off! I had not even considered my BF's reaction bad ffs, that is how blind I was.

Still I didn't break up with him

Few months later, my dad died and he could not support me at all, just didn't know how - after a while he arranged to see me and 'console' me but then cancelled last minute via text message - that was finally the end for me

Run now

WidthofaLine · 17/03/2023 23:41

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 17/03/2023 22:42

Are you for real or just fishing for a reaction?

Show quote history

Well if he wanted to continue seeing her and maybe having sex, being an obnoxious git isn't too clever is it.

Problem sorted he's been dumped.
Clever man meets clever woman.

AdoraBell · 17/03/2023 23:42

Get rid, seriously.