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Original poster

To never speak to him again after this?

413 replies

shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 20:41

I've been dating a man for a few months now , we don't live together yet. My car broke down the other night on a busy dual carriageway in the rain at rush hour on my way home from work and it was a 2 hour wait for the AA man to come and rescue me. I messaged him and told him what had happened and he messaged be back saying 'that's sad' I later expressed that I felt I that he should have at least offered to come to me or offer me a lift home as the car went to the garage and I had to make my own way home. I said I was a bit upset that he hadn't even asked if I had got home ok. He responded that 'you want to click your fingers and I'm just going to drop everything and come' and 'I do actually have a life' and he said ' you think my world revolves around you and it doesn't' and 'why would I ask if you got home ok when you weren't even that far from home' and I have more important things to think about than a broken down car. I was shocked and upset as he had never behaved this way before but I haven't spoken to him since and I don't think I want to speak to him again. Was I in the wrong expecting him to show concern or help? He lives maybe a 20 minute drive from where I was.

OP posts:
Wellillsayitifnoonelsewill · 18/03/2023 11:56

what a Total Wanker And Tosspot he is…. Well shot of him

Sandra1984 · 18/03/2023 11:57

Tabasco007 · 18/03/2023 11:13

She'd called the AA or whatever, other people were around..... I think all the LTB are a bit extreme, and for the record, before I get accused of being an angry dude I'm a women. His shouting and reaction wasn't OK, expecting someone to drive out to you is a bit much....

Show quote history

If I'm in the process of knowing a new partner, someone who I'm intending to get emotionally entangled and share my life with (like the OP's case) I'm going to careful to choose someone with empathy, someone who will not tell me to Sod off in an emergency situation (which is what he did), otherwise what's the point in having a partner?

Sandra1984 · 18/03/2023 12:02

You must be the partner secretly login into MN. How come did you not mention your dad when she called, you know like real grown ups do, something in the lines of "Hey I'm so sorry this is happening to you and would love to help you but they just rushed my dad into hospital and need to take care of this".

grow up.

FrostyFifi · 18/03/2023 12:03

I think all the LTB are a bit extreme

Why? She's a few months in and not living with him. A more valid question would be why would she not?

ExpatInSlavikLand · 18/03/2023 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You actually believe his dad was in hospital?

Aww, bless your heart.

Scrumbleton · 18/03/2023 12:04

Block block block. A lucky escape - he has shown his true colours- more in his communications than his failure to help. Long term we all want partners we can rely on - not this! Good luck to you OP

Emmamoo89 · 18/03/2023 12:04

Definitely get rid. What a cunt

adriftinadenofvipers · 18/03/2023 12:04

Notimeforaname · 18/03/2023 10:52

You don't need to be a mind reader to work out that a minimum of a call to ask if the other party is OK is the appropriate response

Of course. But if I'm busy I might not have the time to do that

A decent pets would make the time. No excuse!

adriftinadenofvipers · 18/03/2023 12:19

*person

Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 12:23

Why was my post deleted?
I didn’t say anything that OP hadn’t said in her posts.

Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 12:29

I think posters saying they would drop everything just to go and sit on a dual carriage way for 2 hours must lead very boring lives.

I also wouldn’t expect anyone else to come and sit with me for 2 hours either.

What posters are intentionally missing is that she didn’t even ask him to, she just expected him to read her mind and then moaned about it afterwards.

If my DH rang me and said he’s just broken down and the AA are on their way then I’d say something like how annoying etc but I wouldn’t assume he wanted me to drop everything just to go and sit with him.
If he ended up having to leave his car at the garage then I’m not psychic and I wouldn’t know that he needed a lift.

I can guarantee that if it was OP’s boyfriend who had broken down and was annoyed at OP for not dropping everything and sitting with her for 2 hours then everyone would be telling her to LTB.

purplepencilcase · 18/03/2023 12:35

Jeeze. Don't even dwell on it.
Kick him to the curb and move on.

You really must.

Pixiedust1234 · 18/03/2023 12:38

Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 12:29

I think posters saying they would drop everything just to go and sit on a dual carriage way for 2 hours must lead very boring lives.

I also wouldn’t expect anyone else to come and sit with me for 2 hours either.

What posters are intentionally missing is that she didn’t even ask him to, she just expected him to read her mind and then moaned about it afterwards.

If my DH rang me and said he’s just broken down and the AA are on their way then I’d say something like how annoying etc but I wouldn’t assume he wanted me to drop everything just to go and sit with him.
If he ended up having to leave his car at the garage then I’m not psychic and I wouldn’t know that he needed a lift.

I can guarantee that if it was OP’s boyfriend who had broken down and was annoyed at OP for not dropping everything and sitting with her for 2 hours then everyone would be telling her to LTB.

I think you are intentionally missing the point it wasn't about the car, it was his over the top nastiness and total disregard for her afterwards. Who actually thinks its acceptable or normal to speak to another human being like that??

There were many different ways he could have handled this and come out smelling of roses and the relationship continuing but he went straight to being vile. No need for it.

Sandra1984 · 18/03/2023 12:43

Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 12:29

I think posters saying they would drop everything just to go and sit on a dual carriage way for 2 hours must lead very boring lives.

I also wouldn’t expect anyone else to come and sit with me for 2 hours either.

What posters are intentionally missing is that she didn’t even ask him to, she just expected him to read her mind and then moaned about it afterwards.

If my DH rang me and said he’s just broken down and the AA are on their way then I’d say something like how annoying etc but I wouldn’t assume he wanted me to drop everything just to go and sit with him.
If he ended up having to leave his car at the garage then I’m not psychic and I wouldn’t know that he needed a lift.

I can guarantee that if it was OP’s boyfriend who had broken down and was annoyed at OP for not dropping everything and sitting with her for 2 hours then everyone would be telling her to LTB.

You must be the partner secretly login into MN. How come did you not mention your dad when she called? you could have talked like real grown ups do, something in the lines of "Hey I'm so sorry this is happening to you and would love to help you but they just rushed my dad into hospital and need to take care of this".

grow up.

JoanThursday1972 · 18/03/2023 12:45

Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 12:29

I think posters saying they would drop everything just to go and sit on a dual carriage way for 2 hours must lead very boring lives.

I also wouldn’t expect anyone else to come and sit with me for 2 hours either.

What posters are intentionally missing is that she didn’t even ask him to, she just expected him to read her mind and then moaned about it afterwards.

If my DH rang me and said he’s just broken down and the AA are on their way then I’d say something like how annoying etc but I wouldn’t assume he wanted me to drop everything just to go and sit with him.
If he ended up having to leave his car at the garage then I’m not psychic and I wouldn’t know that he needed a lift.

I can guarantee that if it was OP’s boyfriend who had broken down and was annoyed at OP for not dropping everything and sitting with her for 2 hours then everyone would be telling her to LTB.

Did you miss the insults and rude comments from the guy to the op?

Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 12:46

I think you are intentionally missing the point it wasn't about the car, it was his over the top nastiness and total disregard for her afterwards. Who actually thinks its acceptable or normal to speak to another human being like that??

@Pixiedust1234

I don’t think it’s ever acceptable to speak to someone like that but OP said herself that she started it.

If my DH got annoyed with me for something I had no idea I had even done then yes I would snap and call him selfish, especially if he has form for it.

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 18/03/2023 12:47

Calibrate · 18/03/2023 01:40

Totally unrelated, but @JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain your username is one of my favourite songs!

Haha! Very glad to hear you're a fan of my favourite band! Funnily enough I've been listening to Stutter this morning. 🌼

Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 12:51

Sandra1984 · 18/03/2023 12:43

You must be the partner secretly login into MN. How come did you not mention your dad when she called? you could have talked like real grown ups do, something in the lines of "Hey I'm so sorry this is happening to you and would love to help you but they just rushed my dad into hospital and need to take care of this".

grow up.

Show quote history

@Sandra1984

I think you need to read the thread again.

Why would he say anything about not being able to help when she hadn’t even asked him to help?

When people break down they don’t have other people rushing to go and sit with them to wait for the AA.

I’d say it would actually be very dangerous to pull over on the hard shoulder just to keep someone company.

If OP had asked him “can you come and keep me company” or “can you pick me up from the garage” and then he had a go at her then I’d 100% be on her side.

But she didn’t.
She just expected him to read her mind and then brought it back up afterwards for an argument.

Sandra1984 · 18/03/2023 12:54

Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 12:51

@Sandra1984

I think you need to read the thread again.

Why would he say anything about not being able to help when she hadn’t even asked him to help?

When people break down they don’t have other people rushing to go and sit with them to wait for the AA.

I’d say it would actually be very dangerous to pull over on the hard shoulder just to keep someone company.

If OP had asked him “can you come and keep me company” or “can you pick me up from the garage” and then he had a go at her then I’d 100% be on her side.

But she didn’t.
She just expected him to read her mind and then brought it back up afterwards for an argument.

Show quote history

That stuff you’re smoking is quite potent, pass me your dealers phone number asap 🤣

Sandra1984 · 18/03/2023 12:55

Just joking (the phone part I mean).

Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 13:05

That stuff you’re smoking is quite potent, pass me your dealers phone number asap

What a weird thing to say 😕

Thesharkradar · 18/03/2023 13:16

shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 20:48

He messaged me back later to say that his dad had been rushed to hospital and I should be more considerate of him. Funny how he didn't mention this before though?

He made that up to try and make you feel guilty and punish you further
He's a moron, just drop him.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 18/03/2023 13:38

When he gets in touch next tell him your life doesn't revolve him, you won't rin to him when he clicks his fingers and you already have a life so no need for him

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 18/03/2023 13:41

Tabasco007 · 18/03/2023 11:13

She'd called the AA or whatever, other people were around..... I think all the LTB are a bit extreme, and for the record, before I get accused of being an angry dude I'm a women. His shouting and reaction wasn't OK, expecting someone to drive out to you is a bit much....

Show quote history

Just for the record I'm a bloke, and I found his complete lack of care and empathy quite shocking. Whether the AA had been called or not, the fact is the OP was in a dangerous situation and he couldn't have given a shiny shite when she really needed help. I would have been jumping in my car in a flash to get to her. He's a self centred dickhead.

lifesabitchandthenyoudie · 18/03/2023 14:15

@JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain you have stood up against those saying he didn't need to go as she was covered, thank you!

I was very early days with my (now) DP, 26 years ago. I had a distressing event, was safe at a friend's house; let him know. Within minutes he was there, giving me support like my knight in shining armour he's turned out to be. I've known from then on that he would always be there for me. Some of the times I've needed him have been my own doing; I have never had a word of annoyance or frustration from him. Because he's a kind person with empathy, and we are partners.

They show you who they are.