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Original poster

To never speak to him again after this?

413 replies

shestakingtheurine · 17/03/2023 20:41

I've been dating a man for a few months now , we don't live together yet. My car broke down the other night on a busy dual carriageway in the rain at rush hour on my way home from work and it was a 2 hour wait for the AA man to come and rescue me. I messaged him and told him what had happened and he messaged be back saying 'that's sad' I later expressed that I felt I that he should have at least offered to come to me or offer me a lift home as the car went to the garage and I had to make my own way home. I said I was a bit upset that he hadn't even asked if I had got home ok. He responded that 'you want to click your fingers and I'm just going to drop everything and come' and 'I do actually have a life' and he said ' you think my world revolves around you and it doesn't' and 'why would I ask if you got home ok when you weren't even that far from home' and I have more important things to think about than a broken down car. I was shocked and upset as he had never behaved this way before but I haven't spoken to him since and I don't think I want to speak to him again. Was I in the wrong expecting him to show concern or help? He lives maybe a 20 minute drive from where I was.

OP posts:
JennaTooIs · 18/03/2023 16:24

He sounds immature af

tothelefttotheleft · 18/03/2023 16:24

shestakingtheurine · 18/03/2023 06:50

Well I haven't been in contact with him so I'm assuming he's got the message, I don't really want to give him further attention and enter into conversation with him as I don't feel like it would be useful. I've got what I need to know now.

It seems like you want to keep in contact with him. If you didn't you'd block him.

Catoo · 18/03/2023 17:01

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 18/03/2023 16:06

This further confirms that he's a full pedigree bellend.

Show quote history

🤣

TeaserandtheFirecat · 18/03/2023 18:24

MN is supposed to be a safe space for women, not a playground for MRAs and incels turning up and gas-lighting women.

It really is pathetic isn't it. Sad wankers.

Copperoliverbear · 18/03/2023 23:54

Red flag, doesn't even care if you are safe, block him. Move on, even if he said sorry don't go back. X

Emotionalsupportviper · 19/03/2023 07:12

adriftinadenofvipers · 18/03/2023 15:58

Speak for yourself. You just argue to be contrary.

If you break down on a motorway, you are supposed to exit your vehicle and stand on the other side of the barrier. People have been killed waiting in their vehicles, and it's been pretty damn cold to stand there waiting for 2 hours. (I'd consider that quite long btw - longest I have ever had to wait has been 2.5 hours and I wasn't in a dangerous location)

I'm sure poor Sarah Everard, and so many others like her, thought they were safe the night that they weren't.

Anyone with a shred of compassion would have gone to help. This man is not a good person.

The very worst bit was the cruel remarks he made after the event. They are unforgiveable.

@Cocobutt if you really believe that's all ok, you've clearly a slate loose and a lot more sliding. But then you only argue to be controversial. Too much time on your hands, I guess.

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Well said, Vipers

Emotionalsupportviper · 19/03/2023 07:19

tothelefttotheleft · 18/03/2023 16:24

It seems like you want to keep in contact with him. If you didn't you'd block him.

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How do you know she hasn't?

And even if she hasn't - so what? OP has no intention of replying, but maybe it would be interesting to see what BS he would come up with next before putting a block on.

Ichosetheredpill · 19/03/2023 10:07

@adriftinadenofvipers “a slate loose and a lot more sliding” 😂😂😂 I’m stealing that one.

altmember · 22/03/2023 09:16

SinnerBoy · 18/03/2023 01:46

altmember · Today 00:42

Unless he's a breakdown mechanic himself, with his own recovery vehicle, then I don't know what you expected him to do?

He could have given her company and moral support, maybe have driven her to a services for a coffee and to be somewhere safer.

If he drove out to you, he'd likely be breaking the law by stopping his own car on the dual carriageway.

Poppycock. It's not illegal to stop on the hard shoulder, to assist someone.

The highway codes states you MUST NOT stop on the hard shoulder except in an emergency. Driving out there to keep someone company while they wait for the AA is not an emergency.

Anyway the OP says it was a dual carriageway, which implies no hard shoulder. Not clear if their car was stuck in a live lane or not, but it's probably a clearway, and would still be breaking traffic laws to park there.

How many posters saying that he should have driven out there would do the same if their DH called them to say his car had broken down but the AA were on their way? Let alone a new bf of a couple of months.

SVRT19674 · 22/03/2023 11:06

My boyfriend, now husband would have picked me up in a heartbeat. He has done when I have been stranded, didn´t have to ask, he just offered. So some men can mind read... Dump him, his turn of phrase shows his contempt for you.

qqq82 · 22/03/2023 11:23

Did you hear anymore from him @shestakingtheurine ?

ch4shirecat1234 · 22/03/2023 11:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

idrinkandiknowthings · 22/03/2023 13:12

Christ, my brother-in-law would travel to the other side of the country to pick me up if necessary.

What a giant twat. Jog on, dickhead.

adriftinadenofvipers · 22/03/2023 14:40

Emotionalsupportviper · 19/03/2023 07:12

Well said, Vipers

Show quote history

solidarity for vipers 😂

adriftinadenofvipers · 22/03/2023 14:41

Ichosetheredpill · 19/03/2023 10:07

@adriftinadenofvipers “a slate loose and a lot more sliding” 😂😂😂 I’m stealing that one.

I like it a lot 😁

SapphireSeptember · 23/03/2023 13:53

This thread reminded me of the time my boyfriend's van broke down on Boxing Day last year. We were on our way back when his van broke down just outside of Kettering, miles from home. He knew he'd have to wait an age, as he'd enlisted the help of his dad and daughter, who were coming to sort things out. He found a local taxi service who would drive to my town, paid for it (to the tune of £110, which I couldn't have afforded!) He wanted me to phone him when I got home, to make sure I'd got back safely, which I did, and then he phoned me when he got home, even though it was gone midnight. We'd been together less than four months at this point.

Original poster
shestakingtheurine · 23/03/2023 17:58

He sent me a picture this morning of him driving past my house on the way to work and messaged me 'shame you're not in my good books or i would have popped in to say hi Hmm. I didn't respond I just thought we'll you're not in my fucking good books either, cheeky sod.

OP posts:
Thesharkradar · 23/03/2023 18:01

cheeky sod
mate, he's not a 'cheeky sod' he's a vile piece of shit

LooseGoose22 · 23/03/2023 18:06

shestakingtheurine · 23/03/2023 17:58

He sent me a picture this morning of him driving past my house on the way to work and messaged me 'shame you're not in my good books or i would have popped in to say hi Hmm. I didn't respond I just thought we'll you're not in my fucking good books either, cheeky sod.

After his little nasty outburst, he's tried emotional blackmail/guilting about his Dad (which he didn't mention at all at the time) and now is trying to reel you back in by making contact and being a bit cheeky/sarky.

If he didn't want any contact, he'd not message you at all. You don't hear from people who don't want contact with you.

He's realised he's totally fucked up the relationship and you're actually not going to contact him and chase after him and enquire after his Dad etc so he's trying to get you back in contact.

He showed his true colours with the outburst anyway, but this reinforces it ... No apology, just an "opening" for you to get back in contact and perhaps the magnanimous opportunity for you to apologise or discuss it.

LooseGoose22 · 23/03/2023 18:09

He's just realised he now has to put in effort meeting and schmoozing a new source of sex, company etc. He can't be bothered unless he has to so he's creating opportunities for "dialogue" and you might be lucky enough (sarcasm obviously) to get the chance to continue the relationship with him.

He's a wanker & asshole.

He's not going to get any better.

How old is he incidentally.

Original poster
shestakingtheurine · 23/03/2023 18:12

He's almost 30, older than me by a few years.

OP posts:
LooseGoose22 · 23/03/2023 18:15

I have no idea why but I thought both of you were considerably older.

Holy fuck, you're young and presumably you might want kids with a partner ...... This sort of person is definitely, definitely not the sort of man to have them with.

He deals with "demands", helping people, being responsible and kind and compassionate, looking after people etc very very poorly. And you need someone who's the opposite for a LTR, a million times more with kids in the picture.

LooseGoose22 · 23/03/2023 18:19

He's also a type of gas lighter incidentally.

You have reason to be disappointed, offended, angry etc with him. He actually has none with you. He didn't even make you aware of his Dad's situation til after the whole incident.

But he's turning it around like he has reason to be offended, disappointed etc. with you. But he doesn't. Which is a type of gas lighting and DARVO

He told you nothing about his Dad, subjected you to an extremely nasty, unfair outburst and then only mentioned his Dad later.

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 23/03/2023 18:19

altmember · 22/03/2023 09:16

The highway codes states you MUST NOT stop on the hard shoulder except in an emergency. Driving out there to keep someone company while they wait for the AA is not an emergency.

Anyway the OP says it was a dual carriageway, which implies no hard shoulder. Not clear if their car was stuck in a live lane or not, but it's probably a clearway, and would still be breaking traffic laws to park there.

How many posters saying that he should have driven out there would do the same if their DH called them to say his car had broken down but the AA were on their way? Let alone a new bf of a couple of months.

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Your first sentence is correct. The rest, however, is nonsense. Assisting a lone individual in a dangerous and vulnerable position is most definitely acceptable and the police and HETOs would agree entirely. There's not a chance in hell that someone would be prosecuted for going to assist their partner who's stranded alone. It's very obviously an emergency situation. They're not meeting up for a picnic. Good grief.

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 23/03/2023 18:24

shestakingtheurine · 23/03/2023 17:58

He sent me a picture this morning of him driving past my house on the way to work and messaged me 'shame you're not in my good books or i would have popped in to say hi Hmm. I didn't respond I just thought we'll you're not in my fucking good books either, cheeky sod.

Classic gaslighting. He's a first class prick.

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