To never speak to him again after this?

[shestakingtheurine]

I've been dating a man for a few months now , we don't live together yet. My car broke down the other night on a busy dual carriageway in the rain at rush hour on my way home from work and it was a 2 hour wait for the AA man to come and rescue me. I messaged him and told him what had happened and he messaged be back saying 'that's sad' I later expressed that I felt I that he should have at least offered to come to me or offer me a lift home as the car went to the garage and I had to make my own way home. I said I was a bit upset that he hadn't even asked if I had got home ok. He responded that 'you want to click your fingers and I'm just going to drop everything and come' and 'I do actually have a life' and he said ' you think my world revolves around you and it doesn't' and 'why would I ask if you got home ok when you weren't even that far from home' and I have more important things to think about than a broken down car. I was shocked and upset as he had never behaved this way before but I haven't spoken to him since and I don't think I want to speak to him again. Was I in the wrong expecting him to show concern or help? He lives maybe a 20 minute drive from where I was.

Whether the AA had been called or not, the fact is the OP was in a dangerous situation and he couldn't have given a shiny shite when she really needed help. I would have been jumping in my car in a flash to get to her.

You would have caused more problems by parking on the hard shoulder just to keep someone else company.

If the situation was so dangerous you wouldn’t go and put yourself in the exact same dangerous position.

Absolutely! That's exactly what the OP should have had, but unfortunately a large percentage of blokes are idiots.

If the love of my life was in that situation I most definitely WOULD put myself in the same position. Knowing that she's stranded alone at the side of a busy main road, waiting for the AA to turn up and knowing that anyone driving past could be a psychopath. I'd be there in a shot.

He also coincidentally works with HGV's and has very good knowledge of mechanics so assumed he may be a good person to contact !

Agree with you except about using the phrase ‘some doormat woman’. That woman you describe was no doubt raised in a painful, devaluing way and it can take a lifetime to grow your own boundaries. Gits like this are just waiting for someone vulnerable as you rightly say. But being vulnerable does not make you a doormat.

Cocobutt · Today 14:32

You would have caused more problems by parking on the hard shoulder just to keep someone else company.

Really? How so? It's not inherently dangerous, two cars more than one.

If the situation was so dangerous you wouldn’t go and put yourself in the exact same dangerous position.

If you break down, you should go over the barrier, if there is one, or up the banking, out of the way. Two cars in the same spot doesn't make it more dangerous. I any case, he could have pulled in ahead of her, got her in the car and left for a services.

True, I should have phrased it better.

@barbarmycatmum you are my new hero! Couldn't have worded it better x

What a charmer...

Block the knob.

Be glad you didn't waste anymore time on this loser.

If the love of my life was in that situation I most definitely WOULD put myself in the same position. Knowing that she's stranded alone at the side of a busy main road, waiting for the AA to turn up and knowing that anyone driving past could be a psychopath. I'd be there in a shot.

I personally think that’s ridiculous.

If my DP said I’ll come to you incase there are psychopaths around I’d tell him where to go.

Its 2023.
Women don’t need men coming to their rescue just because their car breaks down, we are more than capable of speaking to the AA driver ourselves.

If we want help we’ll ask for it. OP didn’t.

Really not fair to say you can tell who the men are on this thread. Some women are massive dicks too. (Anatomically impossible but you know what I mean.)

What's the betting the now-ex is explaining his dumping by telling everyone that his gf got the hump because she expected him to pick her up when his dad had just been taken to hospital? Conveniently ignoring that she was broken down at the side of the road with a 2 hour wait in prospect rather than sitting comfortably at home, and had no idea until the following day that anything had (allegedly) happened to his father.

What is going on on Mumsnet today - two threads I’ve read where a woman shared something horrible a man has done and there are people working a full time job to excuse the behaviours and somehow put it back on the women involved.

This man is clearly a selfish, thoughtless prick who the OP owes not a seconds more time to. It’s not about mind reading or the OP being entitled or being safe on the road ffs. It’s about a grown man showing not a shred of care or empathy and when he felt bad, lying and trying to make the OP out to be the bad person.
Male or female, he’s shown he’s not a nice person. The excuses are pathetic.

This sort of thing is happening more and more. I've started reporting these posters. It's about time MN did something about it.
It's not about shutting down debate because everyone is entitled to their opinion but there are some posters blatantly pushing their own agenda of excusing awful behaviour from men and laying the blame on women.
MN is supposed to be a safe space for women, not a playground for MRAs and incels turning up and gas-lighting women.

Speak for yourself. You just argue to be contrary.

If you break down on a motorway, you are supposed to exit your vehicle and stand on the other side of the barrier. People have been killed waiting in their vehicles, and it's been pretty damn cold to stand there waiting for 2 hours. (I'd consider that quite long btw - longest I have ever had to wait has been 2.5 hours and I wasn't in a dangerous location)

I'm sure poor Sarah Everard, and so many others like her, thought they were safe the night that they weren't.

Anyone with a shred of compassion would have gone to help. This man is not a good person.

The very worst bit was the cruel remarks he made after the event. They are unforgiveable.

@Cocobutt if you really believe that's all ok, you've clearly a slate loose and a lot more sliding. But then you only argue to be controversial. Too much time on your hands, I guess.

From the OP: "I later expressed that I felt I that he should have at least offered to come to me or offer me a lift home as the car went to the garage and I had to make my own way home."

It's very clear that you're deliberately being obtuse.

100% spot on.

Interesting to hear the opinions from the men on here who also think he was being a bit of a dick. I didn't want the original post to be too long and I didn't want to drip feed but the original conversation was oh shit I've just broken down on the dual carriageway, he said oh in the rain and I said yes and I told him what had happened to the car and that it had no power and I didn't feel safe driving it home at 5mph in rush hour traffic along a dual carriageway and holding traffic up and thought this would be dangerous. He said oh it's probably gone into limp mode just drive it home. I said I've called the AA now but the wait is 2 hours. He said well if you're not going to drive it home you'll just have to wait 2 hours for the AA then won't you. I said yes i suppose and he messaged 'that's sad' and then I didn't hear from him again until I messaged him to express that I was upset that he hadn't offered to help or ask if I'd got home ok .

This further confirms that he's a full pedigree bellend.

What is going on on Mumsnet today - two threads I’ve read where a woman shared something horrible a man has done and there are people working a full time job to excuse the behaviours and somehow put it back on the women involved.

There's a ton of them at the moment, although not all of them are calling themselves MarilynAnnabelOhIAmAWoman which makes them a little harder to spot than they used to be.

In the past, we'd get a surge of them whenever we made fun of a website full of losers whinging that they hadn't got value for money from their latest sex worker. I don't know which cage we've rattled to bring in the latest influx.

He said well if you're not going to drive it home you'll just have to wait 2 hours for the AA then won't you

Thereby shutting down any possible request from you that he help in any way.
He's a knob OP.
He speaks to you like shit.

Update makes him sound worse.. You wouldn't take his advice to drive home at 5mph so he smugly decided to leave you there...

So you didn’t actually break down?

You could have driven it home or to a safer place?

I’m sure posters will come along and say that he should have pushed the car home for you.
I’m surprised no one has called him abusive because he didn’t immediately buy you a brand new one.

I assume he’s now an ex but just remember some posters will tell you to LTB regardless of what he’s done because they love a drama and misery loves company.

It’s quite obvious there are many posters lacking comprehension skills and so take everyone’s advice with a pinch of salt.

You say his dad is in hospital and you’ve not said that this is incorrect.
If he’s otherwise a decent person then you must realise that someone’s loved one being rushed into hospital is going affect them.

Yup. He's annoyed you didn't do what he told you to do (drive it home) and so he punished you by making you wait for the AA. Massive red flag for controlling asshole.