Some relationship advice please!! Last year my partber and i of 15 years surprise my mum with a trip 14 days disneyworld florida. My mum has had very little her whole life and no opportunity, this was a huge surprise and we were all so excited to go just the 3 of us. 2 days before we were due to travel i had a massive anxiety attack after suffering 2 years of anxiety and i completely cancelled this trip so last minute. This caused so much trauma for me and my mum in particular as she had told everyone she knew and it was a huge deal. A year on and anxiety free my partner who is diagnosed bipolar have given mum dates again end april for 2 week to put into her work for time off..unfortunately florida is off the carda now as the price has almost doubled since last year, so we had been looking at thailand. I mentioned this to my mum to see her feelings if we went asia instead, she again was exstatic, shes told a few people in work shes going asia and shes really excited. My partner and i have booked and now cancelled 3 hotels on booking.com and still have not made any flight reservations or bookings and we are due to go away in 6 weeks time. My partner and i have argued through stress now for months on where we will go and have been on every site possible looking for places to visit and book but we cannot agree on anything whether its due to price or that he now doesnt want to go to thailand after promising that we would go to thailand etc etc, basically now hes trying to say we should just go cities last minute i.e paris, amsterdam etc on a last minute escape....this is not what i wanted and not what i had promised my mum and i feel like the whole situation from last year is creeping in now again the closer we get to going. Im so anxious every single day i wake because we have nowhere booked and i spoke to my mum today and she said that she really needs to know because last year was just too stressful and she didnt even want to be here anymore when it all happened last year so last minute. Id like to go a sun holiday but my partner doesnt, he also doesnt want to book until we are off which is 6 weeks away and what if we cant get anything i really qant to have somehwere booked and set in stone but every time we talk we get so stressed out and argue and end up not speaking..this is a huge trauma for me and would have been my redemption trip to make it up to her and have an amazing time but i feel like my partner is really fighting against me here...also dont want to fall out with him and pie him off and say im going with my mum myself as i dont have the sole funds for this either unless we find a cheap 2 weeks turkey trip for the 2 of us but then ill feel terrible for him, but with him being bipolar it also plays on my anxiety if i book and he changes his mind last minute, my mum said today she wants to know as its too much trauma for her to go through again if it doesnt happen last minute. I would happily go myself but i feel like that qould end up in a relationship fail and lots and lots of annymosity in the house for the next 6 weeks before we go. Please can anyone help suggest what i should do because its really playing on my mental health now and causing me so much stress and worry on what to do. :(
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Godlovesall26 · 18/03/2023 14:17
OP is he on medications, with regular follow up (it can take tons of different medications trials).
Fwiw Im your age and bipolar and actually even have arythmia. I don’t relate to his descriptions, neither does anyone else I’ve met with stable treatment. I’d be thrilled to go on a holiday, love booking them, and I’m pretty sure I can quite well enough survive if my partner went with his mum for 2 weeks. I don’t have all these outbursts or all that, neither do the people I know, I’m sorry that isn’t bipolar, especially that was diagnosed a year ago. Triggered bipolar can make you really erratic yes, but in no way agressive and passive agressive and manipulative (there’s just no energy for that), or else he has another diagnosis alongside it.
Sorry but I agree with PP, it’s him, using whatever he can as an excuse.
I hope you can go away somewhere nice with your mum. I second peaceful locations like Malta
Zoost · 18/03/2023 16:28
Hes just walked out and told me we are done, he cant unhear the word bullying he threw me the van key and told me to make money off tgat he kissed the dog and left with a tear hes took all his propanalol and quetiapine prescription with him and im acared where he will go or what he will do
Zoost · 18/03/2023 16:31
Shpuld i text him and make sure hes ok im so worried now noone will know where he is or if he is ok
Zoost · 18/03/2023 16:31
Shpuld i text him and make sure hes ok im so worried now noone will know where he is or if he is ok
Zoost · 18/03/2023 16:37
@category12 thank you im just so worried and i dont want to involve the police or his parents as they dont speak and i dont know if it will trigger him even more, im stuck again i feel terrible that ive made him feel this way and seeing him upset leaving the dog which he loves so much
Zoost · 18/03/2023 16:46
@KettrickenSmiled im really struggling with this, i have a private councillor after last year who i can reach out to but my main worry is just if he will be ok and safe and have i overreacted have i spoken out of turn has alk this just come to head over this holiday i dont know what to think wpuld we be fine if it wasnt for this holiday i would just have went along with everything given his conditions and been happy and supportive but because this time involves my mum its came to a head and im taking mums side i dont know every emotion is hitting HARD roght now i dont know if ive done the wrong thing and if he was mentally stable enough to hear it today.
Zoost · 18/03/2023 16:47
Im so glad i have you lot here honest to god i cannot thank you all enough for being a text away virtually !! This is the only thing giving me the strength at the moment and but im worried as we did have so much love aswell. Im so upset
Zoost · 18/03/2023 16:46
@KettrickenSmiled im really struggling with this, i have a private councillor after last year who i can reach out to but my main worry is just if he will be ok and safe and have i overreacted have i spoken out of turn has alk this just come to head over this holiday i dont know what to think wpuld we be fine if it wasnt for this holiday i would just have went along with everything given his conditions and been happy and supportive but because this time involves my mum its came to a head and im taking mums side i dont know every emotion is hitting HARD roght now i dont know if ive done the wrong thing and if he was mentally stable enough to hear it today.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Zoost · 18/03/2023 16:32
@Aquamarine1029 i feel sick he has nowhere to go and i feel like a total bastard im so scated he does something stupid my hearts racing im so worried
FitAt50 · 18/03/2023 16:58
Your poor poor mum. Stop promising her things and then cancelling at the last minute. Flight are crazy expensive at the best of times, so why on earth did you not book your flights months ago? I also dont understand all the negitivity towards your Partner, I feel for him also.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.