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Original poster

My boyfriend said he'll always love his mum more than me

154 replies

christie57 · 15/03/2023 12:19

Today my partner said to me that he will always love his mum more than me. I'm having issues getting on with her as she doesn't like that I have children from a previous relationship and has been rather judgmental.

This feels like a massive deal breaker to me but I don't know if I'm overreacting as I have a strained relationship with my own family.

Obviously I don't want to come in between their relationship but I want to be his highest priority. I don't want to find myself settling down with a man who's always going to take his mother's side over mine.

In my previous relationship with my children's father. We always prioritised each other over our families so, this is very odd to me. Am I over reacting or do I just call it quits here?

OP posts:
MelchiorsMistress · 15/03/2023 12:21

That’s a weird thing to say. Love for a parent is not comparable to love for a spouse. They are different types of love.

Him thinking that they are the same and can be measured against each other is a strange way of thinking and it would be a deal breaker for me.

WouldYouBuy · 15/03/2023 12:22

Run screaming for the hills, imo.

heartbroken22 · 15/03/2023 12:24

Agreed that's really weird as though it's some sort of hierarchy and you're on the lower end. I'd dump him tbh.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/03/2023 12:25

How did this conversation come about? Were you slagging his Mum off by any chance? Seems very strange he would randomly just come out with it unless you pretty much asked or even said he should love you more.

romdowa · 15/03/2023 12:25

Run. The umbilical cord is clearly still attached. Is his name Norman by any chance ?

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/03/2023 12:25

Did you ask him who he loved more or he did he come out with it by himself? It’s an odd thing to say and sounds like you’re the one who made the comparison.

Do you compare how much you love him vs how much you love your children? Aren’t there many different kinds of love?

It’s not his fault his mum is judgemental but if you feel he’s not standing up for you then deal with that. If you’re not happy with him or the overall set up then dump him.

These sorts of discussions are pointless and unhelpful and pretty immature.

Deal with the issues - her judgement, the part you feel he is or isn’t playing in managing the impact that has on you. Don’t play silly games.

Asummersday · 15/03/2023 12:25

Trust me, dating or marrying a mummies boy is awful. This problem will only get worse

Farcis · 15/03/2023 12:26

Deal breaker - leave and find someone who deserves you OP

KirstenBlest · 15/03/2023 12:26

I don't want to find myself settling down with a man who's always going to take his mother's side over mine.
I don't blame you. Move on and find someone who isn't a mummy's boy.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 15/03/2023 12:26

"OK dude, thanks for giving me the heads up, I'll leave you to Mrs Bates & am sure you'll be very happy together."

I'm not actually joking.
What kind of a man decides it's a great idea to give you an emotional wound like this for no reason?
Dump the oedipal fucker, pronto.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 15/03/2023 12:27

romdowa · 15/03/2023 12:25

Run. The umbilical cord is clearly still attached. Is his name Norman by any chance ?

Ha, cross posted Romdowa!

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/03/2023 12:27

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 15/03/2023 12:26

"OK dude, thanks for giving me the heads up, I'll leave you to Mrs Bates & am sure you'll be very happy together."

I'm not actually joking.
What kind of a man decides it's a great idea to give you an emotional wound like this for no reason?
Dump the oedipal fucker, pronto.

I would put money on there being a 'reason'.

ShiverOfSharks · 15/03/2023 12:28

It's never occurred to me to compare the two. I'm an adult; my life is founded around my partnership with my spouse, not around mummy and daddy.

I think you should just hear this as "I don't love you enough".

aSofaNearYou · 15/03/2023 12:28

What was the context? Did you ask or did he just say it?

MyMumsOnMN · 15/03/2023 12:28

Well it's not the same kind of love. But were you slagging the mum off? Or making him pick a side? I doubt he would have just said this to you. Did he actually mean it the way he said it? But, if he did randomly just come out with this then I think he's acting like a dick and you should dump him.

Original poster
christie57 · 15/03/2023 12:29

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/03/2023 12:25

How did this conversation come about? Were you slagging his Mum off by any chance? Seems very strange he would randomly just come out with it unless you pretty much asked or even said he should love you more.

Hiya, I was saying how there isn't much point me trying with her as she automatically doesn't like me because I have kids. He replied we should break it off as his ex didn't make effort with his mum and he's not having that situation again.

A few minutes later he told me he loved me and I said " you love your mum more" then that's what sparked it.

OP posts:
category12 · 15/03/2023 12:30

If his relationship with his mum is an issue, then he's telling you loud and clear that he will take her side - so yeah, I'd cut your losses.

Plus I wouldn't want my kids lumbered with someone in their life with that sort of attitude towards them, especially if your hopes for the relationships would include more children - a step-granny who isn't likely to be warm towards your existing kids - nope.

MarieRoseMarie · 15/03/2023 12:31

So you compared yourself with her first? Yeah, you’re the red flag.

Anyone who is making me compete with other people is out.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/03/2023 12:31

A few minutes later he told me he loved me and I said " you love your mum more" then that's what sparked it.

Right, that’s what it sounded like and it’s just a stupid thing to say.

He’d already dumped you because the situation isn’t working for anyone and you responded with that.

Call it a day.

VictoriaBun · 15/03/2023 12:32

It's a different love , your parents , dcs , wider family and friends.
He doesn't have the mental intelligence to see that. Move on.

MyMumsOnMN · 15/03/2023 12:33

I think if you were saying you can't be arsed to bother with his family, he has a right to stick up for them. You sound like you were trying to wind him up. And he dumped you so leave it there.

anotheropinion · 15/03/2023 12:34

He replied we should break it off as his ex didn't make effort with his mum and he's not having that situation again.

Hilarious. You are obviously not the first to meet this problem. Leave him to his mum.

ArcticSkewer · 15/03/2023 12:38

So he dumped you.

Just walk away then.

HeadNorth · 15/03/2023 12:39

That is weird as fuck - his mum can have him, I'd get the hell away.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/03/2023 12:42

HeadNorth · 15/03/2023 12:39

That is weird as fuck - his mum can have him, I'd get the hell away.

I completely agree its weird as fuck to ask your boyfriend who he loves more.

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