Unusual bank withdrawals all to girls names

[Toryjane]

My husband does our online banking ,he was away last week and we had an issue with our bank so I logged in. I have found lots of withdrawals ,I know nothing off & they mostly have single girls names beside them ! Does anyone have any idea what they are ,my mind is racing thinking my husband has been cheating .I can’t find anything online ,I’ve posted a few examples but there at least 10 other girls names showing similar withdrawals .he already says I’m paranoid but I have caught him on dating sites ,messaging escorts in the past .I thought this behaviour was behind until I found these .

I would be completely broken if my husband cheated on me. It would be a complete betrayal to our marriage and our children.

If he was paying women to have sex with him, I would be broken because it would be a complete betrayal to our marriage and our children AND would show his utter contempt for all women.

From those transactions I dont see it as evidence of using prostitutes though and its now degenerated into an argument of prostitution with the usual sweeping generalisations this brings.

I don't know why we assume everyone who uses prostitutes has a contempt for women? Maybe some do. But every one who does? Really? Lets not generalise here and make silly statements.

And as for consent, depends again, there admittedly is trafficking, and women with addiction issues, there are also independent working girls who charge hundreds per hour and do that rather than work a 9-5 job, and thats fine, I'm not going to slate them for their choices.

Whether we like it or not men are more than happy to pay for sex, or porn, or web camming, women generally don't, and women can monetize that (I'm not talking about trafficking obviously) but independent workers or onlyfans models or web cam models who figured out they can make stupid money from these men without the 9-5 graft.

I don't know why we assume everyone who uses prostitutes has a contempt for women? Maybe some do. But every one who does? Really? Lets not generalise here and make silly statements.

And as for consent, depends again, there admittedly is trafficking, and women with addiction issues, there are also independent working girls who charge hundreds per hour and do that rather than work a 9-5 job, and thats fine, I'm not going to slate them for their choices.

Absolutely some women do it and are very happy to.

The point is that there is no way for a punter to be 100% sure that the woman he is paying to have sex with is one of those women or one of the ones trafficked, desperate due to abuse, pressured, coerced etc.

So a man who is willing to take the risk that a woman he's paying to have sex with might be one of the ones being abused, coerced and raped fundamentally does not respect women.

A man who respects women isn't willing to run that risk, no matter how much they want sex.

@monsteramunch point taken, however i think its relatively easy to distinguish between say a group of eastern European women working out of a single house vs a high class working girl with her own website advertising for social events or personal, charging hundreds of pounds, as to which might be dodgy.

I must admit my expertise is more in the online world of camming and fetish etc and you'd be surprised how many normal women, mostly in relationships and with families, work in the online sex work stuff as its relatively easy money and a stay at home job.

@Fishingintheyemen

point taken, however i think its relatively easy to distinguish between say a group of eastern European women working out of a single house vs a high class working girl with her own website advertising for social events or personal, charging hundreds of pounds, as to which might be dodgy.

But that's the point. You say it's 'relatively easy to distinguish' but the fact is a punter cannot ever 100% be sure that the woman he is paying to have sex with isn't a victim of abuse whether that be from trafficking, a pimp, a partner...

He cannot know. He can only guess / hope.

And I personally feel that if a man is willing to take the risk of being wrong, he doesn't fundamentally respect women and care about women's welfare.

He's willing to risk contributing to a woman have a life of being raped repeatedly. Just because he wants sex on demand.

@Toryjane it doesn't look good. Tbh I would organise yourself first before saying anything to your DH. I'm a bit late to the thread!

@Fishingintheyemen
What do you think is the ratio between women who absolutely love getting paid for sex and those who are in complete despair, are being forced, have addiction issues, have mental health issues, have been coerced etc?

I mean, really.

Personally I'd just rather my partner doesn't shag anyone else, full stop. None of the options are OK.
Had a friend who's partner was bringing sex workers back to their home whilst she was at work and that was relationship ending for them, she was devastated about everything from his attitude to women to the STI risk.

These are only fans op . I'm so sorry . You pay a certain amount for them to do what you ask of them . Kind of like cam girls but these are found on Instagram

@GrinAndVomit difficult to say, found a 2004 government survey, basics being 88% uk sex workers are female, most sex workers in UK not trafficked or on drugs, 6% migrant sex workers in UK being trafficked, and drug use no higher than in other professions. Drug use amongst homeless sex workers high however high in general amongst homeless. Also criminalization has led to higher instances of violence vs legalised brothels where women are safer. This was 2004 so might have changed since, but trafficking and drug use a much smaller percentage than most people assume. Also states most of mothers supporting families.

Doubt OP husband is using prostitutes though. More likely cam girls or a sugar daddy, lots of little payments.

60% of women have been physically assaulted
40% have suffered sexual violence
40% were coerced into the commercial sex trade.

And these have to be very conservative estimates.

What other “business” do 40% of the staff suffer from sexual violence?

What other “business” is rape if the payment fails or the “customer” is dissatisfied and demands a refund?

What other “business” are the workers at a high risk of catching an STI?

You need to start holding human beings to a higher standard and expect more. We should not be treating each other like this. We should not be allowing this to be normalised.

It is paid rape.

@GrinAndVomit unfortunately attitudes like yours are making things more dangerous for sex workers. We can have some idealised utopia in our heads and talk about humans having higher standards, or we can make sex work safer ie legalised brothels with security, sti checks, inspections about trafficking, and live in the real world. Criminalizing, shaming and moralizing just drives it underground or onto the streets where its clearly unsafe.

Sure. I’m the problem.

I'm not sure hanging onto the "happy hooker" myth is living in the real world, tbh

I wonder what other forms of exploitation we should legalise because people do it anyway?
🙃

“Live in the real world” Where a man feels horny one night and then travels miles to an approved brothel, to give out his personal details, be patted down by security, take a series of STI tests and come back in a week when the results are in?

Do you realise how ridiculous you are believing in happy hookers and “high class” escorts? Every woman having sex for money is being equally exploited, there is no high class, it’s always terrible for the women involved as they are having sex with men they don’t want to, because they need money. Whether that money is for a mortgage or heroin, the women are being exploited and used as commodities.

No I'm just being realistic, and hence living in the real world. Getting on my soap box and feeling self righteous doesnt actually solve the problem. Criminalizing it hasn't actually helped the women who are then pushed into working on street corners has it? With no protection. Its just made a few people feel morally good. Does nothing for those women though.

Regarding the happy hooker, again if we're not talking of trafficking and women who choose to charge some lonely guy a few hundred an hour, or some web cam model making silly money off stupid men, there are other ways to make money ie a part time job or online selling etc, but thats there choice, not mine, not yours.

Keep telling yourself that if it agrees with the narrative you want to believe/want others to believe.

It’s paid rape.
We need a huge cultural shift where we teach men that.
We can’t accept that humans will exploit other humans just because it’s difficult to tackle it.

People murder. People use slaves. Men rape. Children get molested.

Legalising these things wouldn’t make them suddenly safe or ok.

And as for the logistical implications of if it became a “legitimate business”

What happens if a man is unhappy with his service, could he expect a refund?

Would you be comfortable with women being rated on trust pilot or trip advisor?

Would you be happy with women being forced to go into this “work” if they are on jobseekers and the job centre put them forward for it?

Would you be happy for it to be included in school’s careers events?

Would you be happy with your daughter doing an apprenticeship there?

Expect more of men and put a higher value on the lives of women.

I agree. There's been a few documentaries on escorting it is a choice for some people. It's a tough pill to accept but some women willing consented to having sex for a living. I remember reading a thread on AMA she said the same herself.

It's a complex issue. In the city I live prostitution is legalised in one particular part because ultimately adults will do whatever they want and it's better to provide some sort of safety than nothing at all.

You have articulated this so much better than I could.

Depressingly there is a facility on many escorting websites for reviews, many of which complain the woman was overweight or ugly / not as advertised, like a product, not a human being.

Imagine reading that about yourself after doing something that was already degrading enough.

It is truly awful that men treating women as consumer goods has become normalised.

And women who demand better are gaslit into believing they’re the problem!