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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unusual bank withdrawals all to girls names

398 replies

Toryjane · 06/03/2023 15:41

My husband does our online banking ,he was away last week and we had an issue with our bank so I logged in. I have found lots of withdrawals ,I know nothing off & they mostly have single girls names beside them ! Does anyone have any idea what they are ,my mind is racing thinking my husband has been cheating .I can’t find anything online ,I’ve posted a few examples but there at least 10 other girls names showing similar withdrawals .he already says I’m paranoid but I have caught him on dating sites ,messaging escorts in the past .I thought this behaviour was behind until I found these .

Unusual bank withdrawals all to girls names
Unusual bank withdrawals all to girls names
Unusual bank withdrawals all to girls names
OP posts:
Hawkins003 · 07/03/2023 09:02

Could they all be code names for assets. And your other half has been trading intelligence for cash?

PeoniesInJune · 07/03/2023 09:05

Work for a bank, like previous poster. This does appear to be payments to escorts I'm afraid :(

As PP has stated, it doesn't follow the typical pattern for fraudulent transfers. Escorts do also take payments via bank transfer, depending on the leniency of the bank, some do allow this if they're not working for an agency.

Do any of the payments have references? Sometimes they will have phone numbers which do bring up AdultWork pages or similar.

Naunet · 07/03/2023 09:06

DahliaRose3 · 07/03/2023 04:45

It looks like fraudulent activity to me. I would contact the bank. Doubt he would be so obvious with this.

Right, and they’re only using women’s accounts because…?

ProfessionalWeirdo · 07/03/2023 09:09

Surely the best way to buy drugs is from a joint account? Isn't that what it's for?
**
Eh ?

I think it's supposed to be a joke.

AIBUNo · 07/03/2023 09:24

Girls names are not references they are name of account holder ,which usually has a surname unless a it’s a business name .

How do you know they are real names? There is an option on bank accounts/ payments to add a name (or a reference for services.)

raisingthebarbell · 07/03/2023 09:26

If that were my husband’s account I’d assume it had been hacked because I have no reason to mistrust him, but given your update I’d put my money on cam girls or escorts. Have you asked him about it yet? As other have said just ask and if he says it’s fraud/hacked account then he won’t have a problem with you reporting it. My husband buys various online crypto/bitcoin things and whilst I don’t understand or have any interest, they are obvious transactions so don’t let him tell you these are code names for online trading or some other nonsense.

Notanotherchange · 07/03/2023 09:38

prostitutes do take deposits etc by bank transfer, as do cam girls. Lots are registered for tax etc these days and deposits weed out timewasters. Either way he's doing something. I would phone the bank and pack his bags.

Channellingsophistication · 07/03/2023 09:46

Perhaps tell him you’re phoning bank as there appears to be fraudulent activity on account and see how he reacts…?

Nameychangey2022 · 07/03/2023 09:51

Toryjane · 06/03/2023 17:39

Sorry to many to reply to & seeing kids in from school ,my husband is still away presently.This isn’t a account I generally need access to or use ,my husband has a very good job and pays all our bills etc .I also have a separate account which is one I regularly use myself. I know it’s definitely not drugs op tested regularly through his job ,he has had gambling problems previously . The money in account is not mine personally I have never added funds.op does bitcoin & crypto which he puts money in from I don’t really understand . Everyone asking why I didn’t go previously,,leave marriage .we have been together 19 year ,3 children . We briefly split up 9 year ago ,6 month later we got back together & since married .Two year after recoinciling I opened a old phone and found evidence dating sites ,escorts they were sent before we had split up. I know he didn’t meet ,everything was a lie ,not a description of him & stated he lived 100s of miles from our home so no chance of meeting up.he doesn’t work away & never usually away from home . For all he has a good job we also do not have money like this to spend , I wanted others opinions as things have been so good & it took me a lot of years to stop bringing up what I had found previously.I don’t want to accuse and it turn out to be some kind of payment into one of these crypto ,bitcoin things as I have no understanding how they work . Girls names are not references they are name of account holder ,which usually has a surname unless a it’s a business name .

It will be cam girls. It's addictive and he's already showed an addictive personality with the gambling. Been there and I'm so sorry. He might be able to change with therapy if he admits the problem and is open to getting help. Otherwise it is time to leave as he will blow through credit cards, any family money and all manner of finance to fund his grubby habits. Basically they get to control girls virtually and make them do sex acts for cash...the girls also seek tips. There is so much free porn but the reason they do it is to have control and sometimes also as they have very specific kinks. I was married for 20 years and this happened to me thanks to my 'soulmate'. Porn is addictive. They get a big thrill from being in control with the web cam prostitutes especially if they cannot control much in real life. I think excessive porn use leads to cam girls as they are bombarded with adverts for them in porn channels. Presumably once cam girls have lost their thrill this leads to meeting prostitutes in real life. I hate calling them cam girls actually as I think it glamourises it when the truth is they are prostitutes, the same as old as time 'profession' taken online for a digital age.

SueG60 · 07/03/2023 10:07

Its not onlyfans because they take payments directly through the website and it would appear on the bank statement as such.

Its unlikely to be an escort, I mean I'm sure he's not able to perform that many times in one day lol.

It looks to me like it will be some women he's met online somehow, possibly ones that specialise in financial domination, where they demand you send them money and he gets a kick out of it somehow.

Either way you're going to have to ask him directly.

JimDixon · 07/03/2023 10:17

It won’t be camgirls from one of the big sites that make up most of the market like LiveJasmin, Chaturbate etc. Because you would never see deposits going straight to the woman. They go to the operating company and the woman can then later on cash out her % minus their fees. Like eBay too for example.

But I suppose it could be a woman he’s messaged through Instagram or Twittter or OnlyFans who is working solo and accepts payments directly for video calls outside of any commercial platform (eg just regular Zoom or Skype etc).

WindowGazers · 07/03/2023 10:24

JimDixon · 07/03/2023 10:17

It won’t be camgirls from one of the big sites that make up most of the market like LiveJasmin, Chaturbate etc. Because you would never see deposits going straight to the woman. They go to the operating company and the woman can then later on cash out her % minus their fees. Like eBay too for example.

But I suppose it could be a woman he’s messaged through Instagram or Twittter or OnlyFans who is working solo and accepts payments directly for video calls outside of any commercial platform (eg just regular Zoom or Skype etc).

Chaturbate? I've heard it all now!

amberedover · 07/03/2023 10:37

Let's all hope that the OP has been in touch with the bank by now .I hope she's ok .

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 07/03/2023 10:43

Christ, that's depressing. Lots of things I didn't know I didn't know, and rather wish I was still in blissful ignorance. Paypigs. Shudder.

OP, I'm sorry your husband is such a sleazebag. Talk to a lawyer, use the time your husband is away to get all the financial information you may need, and divorce his ass. Possibly wise to get tested for STDs as well, in case his activities aren't restricted to online only.

Alstothemarvshien · 07/03/2023 11:22

Has he got himself involved in money laundering? If you can see his payments, can you also see the receipts?

JFDIYOLO · 07/03/2023 11:54

You're married therefore that money is joint owned.

He's been spending your family money on girls. Whether virtual or real.

If real there's the infidelity element.

And the possibility ofSTDs.

Whatever the context, buying women is not something anyone should be doing - concerns round trafficking, abuse, treating women as property, as things.

The conversation needs to continue.

NowAAT · 07/03/2023 12:02

Have you asked your husband about it OP?

Nagado · 07/03/2023 12:04

I don’t want to accuse and it turn out to be some kind of payment into one of these crypto ,bitcoin things as I have no understanding how they work . Girls names are not references they are name of account holder ,which usually has a surname unless a it’s a business name

You don’t need to accuse him. You just need to ask him what they are and why. There’s a massive difference between you accusing him and you quite reasonably asking why he’s sending large sums of family money to Maria and her mates. Wouldn’t he ask you about it if you were transferring cash to Gary, Nigel and Dave?

If it’s currency related, there will be someone on here that will understand it and be able to tell you if that’s a credible explanation. He’ll still need to explain why the cash is only flowing in one direction though. Either it’s a long term investment thing, in which case he should have the proof to show you, or he’s crap at it, in which case he needs to pack it in.

If he claims he doesn’t know, then he’s clearly been hacked by Maria and her friends and the bank needs to be alerted immediately. His response should give you an inkling if he’s being truthful or not.

If he refuses to give you an explanation, or gets angry that you’re questioning him, then you have your answer.

Timelles · 07/03/2023 12:06

Is he a paypig?

WilsonMilson · 07/03/2023 12:10

Come on op, don’t just go back into denial. Your DH is clearly involved in some sort of nefarious activity with women, whether it be webcam girls, being a ‘paypig’ (urgh, yuck), or paying escorts. It’s not bloody rocket science.

Time to wise up, get angry and take action. This is no way to live your life.

Fifi0000 · 07/03/2023 12:23

Cam girls or he's a pay pig. Sorry op

Fifi0000 · 07/03/2023 12:28

I wish my DH was a paypig but only paid me. 🤣

qazxc · 07/03/2023 12:32

It's probably one of two things (well 3):
He has been paying Cam girls.
His bank account has been scammed/ funds fraudulently removed from it.
He has paid cam girls and now they have his details are rinsing his account.

In case it is 2 or 3, you need to contact him straight away to avoid them emptying his account. Then you can have a discussion as to the charges, what they are, how he incurred them,.....

LikeTearsInRain · 07/03/2023 12:52

Only fans or some kind of cam girl thing I’d imagine

SueG60 · 07/03/2023 13:25

Nagado · 07/03/2023 12:04

I don’t want to accuse and it turn out to be some kind of payment into one of these crypto ,bitcoin things as I have no understanding how they work . Girls names are not references they are name of account holder ,which usually has a surname unless a it’s a business name

You don’t need to accuse him. You just need to ask him what they are and why. There’s a massive difference between you accusing him and you quite reasonably asking why he’s sending large sums of family money to Maria and her mates. Wouldn’t he ask you about it if you were transferring cash to Gary, Nigel and Dave?

If it’s currency related, there will be someone on here that will understand it and be able to tell you if that’s a credible explanation. He’ll still need to explain why the cash is only flowing in one direction though. Either it’s a long term investment thing, in which case he should have the proof to show you, or he’s crap at it, in which case he needs to pack it in.

If he claims he doesn’t know, then he’s clearly been hacked by Maria and her friends and the bank needs to be alerted immediately. His response should give you an inkling if he’s being truthful or not.

If he refuses to give you an explanation, or gets angry that you’re questioning him, then you have your answer.

its definitely not a crypto/investment thing. If you're investing it would all be done through a provider or platform, you don't privately agree a price and transfer money as these things are publicly traded and you buy/sell at whatever the price is at the time.

The whole point of cryptocurrency is its anonymous, you transact through your crypto wallet and its outside of the banking system. Directly transferring money to a third party would completely defy the point of it as it makes it traceable.

If he was buying crypto then you'd expect him to send money from the bank account to the crypto wallet, the bank account might reference Binance or some other provider, it definitely wouldn't be to a random girl's account.

He's definitely a pay pig.