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Original poster

How do you end a marriage if DH refuses to accept it’s over?

165 replies

Saltysea2001 · 03/03/2023 21:10

It’s been years if shit. Separate rooms. Im deeply unhappy. I told DH today that I want to separate - he refuses to accept it and refuses to move out. What are my options? I do not want to reconcile. We have three children. I’m desperate.

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 03/03/2023 21:11

You move out with or without the children

Cazs818 · 03/03/2023 21:16

Start saving to moved out and start divorce proceedings

SpringleDingle · 03/03/2023 21:19

Get a solicitor, file for divorce, move out

Original poster
Saltysea2001 · 03/03/2023 21:19

Ok. Does that mean I lose my rights to half of our house? And what do we live on? I don’t work - he earns all the money.

OP posts:
NurseCranesRolodex · 03/03/2023 21:21

Consult with a solicitor, then follow their advice.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/03/2023 21:22

You can file for divorce online any time you choose. But you can’t make him move out, why on Earth would he when he doesn’t want to split up?

Are you expecting him to move out, away from his children, and continue to pay for the house and to house himself? For how long?

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/03/2023 21:22

Why don’t you work and are you planning to start?

Mummyof287 · 03/03/2023 21:32

Saltysea2001 · 03/03/2023 21:19

Ok. Does that mean I lose my rights to half of our house? And what do we live on? I don’t work - he earns all the money.

You don't work and he earns all the money (so is clearly paying off all the mortgage i'm guessing) yet you want half the house? Doesn't seem very fair....did you put lots into it before? Or pay a big chunk of the deposit?

You're entitled to want to end the relationship, but not sure why you haven't realised before that you will need to be able to stand on your own two feet to do so :-/

Original poster
Saltysea2001 · 03/03/2023 21:32

Er - I’m not sure how this is relevant, but I’ve got twins aged 3, and one who has started school and we agreed I would give up work when we had our first. Like many, many other households I imagine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Saltysea2001 · 03/03/2023 21:35

I paid for nearly 60% of the house with an inheritance. I’m not working so it’s easier for him to do so and focus on his career. I realise I will have to change this in order for it to be over, but I don’t want to lose my share of the house. And I don’t want to be forced out of the home where my children are settled because he refuses to accept it’s over.

OP posts:
Original poster
Saltysea2001 · 03/03/2023 21:36

I didn’t come here to be belittled. This domestic arrangement is pretty standard

OP posts:
Weenurse · 03/03/2023 21:38

You need to work out how you are going to pay for 2 separate households.
Generally this means selling the house and both of you working to pay for your separate homes.
Just wanting to separate is not enough, you need to be practical.
Good luck

Tigp · 03/03/2023 21:38

Well first of all you don’t have to reconcile so make that clear that isn’t happening.

Then go and see a solicitor and find out what your options are.

desperadodogface · 03/03/2023 21:38

There's a lot to unpick here but did you pit legal measures in place to protect your inheritance? And did you consider starting to work on your career before this? The twins would be entitled to their 30 hours now

BaroldFromEastenders · 03/03/2023 21:38

Of course it’s relevant - you’ll have to get a job if you want separate households otherwise how are you expecting it to work?

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/03/2023 21:38

He won’t want to be forced out of his home either. Especially when you’ll expect him to still pay the mortgage. And he’ll see less of his children.

How do you see it working?

desperadodogface · 03/03/2023 21:39

Saltysea2001 · 03/03/2023 21:36

I didn’t come here to be belittled. This domestic arrangement is pretty standard

Not these days. Might depend on your circle. In the 80s or before perhaps...

11GrumpsaGrumping · 03/03/2023 21:40

Wow people are nasty here!

BreviloquentBastard · 03/03/2023 21:40

Consult with a solicitor, not Mumsnet.

Gymmum82 · 03/03/2023 21:41

You will be entitled to half of everything including the house.
He will need to pay maintenance for the children. You will obviously have to find a job to support yourself and your children.
He doesn’t have to accept it’s over. You just need to leave and get a solicitor.
Divorces are very expensive, particularly if one half doesn’t agree. And the financial agreement can run in to thousands if not more.
This is what prevents many people in your situation from leaving. You gave up work to care for the kids and end up trapped in a situation where you can’t afford to leave. Can’t afford to divorce. Can’t afford to support your children alone. It’s crap OP and really hard

11GrumpsaGrumping · 03/03/2023 21:42

Op if you are married, it's generally a 50/50 split of any assets, depending on custody arrangements, etc. it's very common for one partner to work and another to care for small children. I think a good solicitor would be a first point of call so you can explore your options

Aquamarine1029 · 03/03/2023 21:42

If you want real answers you must see a solicitor. There's nothing more to say, really.

crochetcrazy1978 · 03/03/2023 21:42

The house is a marital asset so would be included in any financial settlement. If you both own the house jointly you both have a right to stay there. Speak to a solicitor for advice on what to do next

Opentooffers · 03/03/2023 21:44

Standard would be working part time these days SAHM is not the norm anymore, but as you have 3 young children, it's understandable.
If he won't go, it leaves you at filing for divorce anyway and enforced sale of house, then you both live elsewhere once sold.

Zanatdy · 03/03/2023 21:45

Moving out won’t affect your claim on the house. Contact a solicitor for more advice but the usual arrangement is 50-50 but not always