Teenage daughter going away with her boyfriend. Would you be OK with it?

[HowWouldYouRespondToThis]

My daughter has been seeing her boyfriend for a year. They are both 16.

He has asked her to go away overnight with him in the summer holidays. They will both be 17, will have been together for 18 months by then and will be going alone.

I don't have a problem with it. She's reluctant to tell her dad because of the way he has overreacted to, well, pretty much everything! I've said she can't go without telling him in advance, which she has agreed to do, but I know he will be bouncing off the walls about it.

Would you be OK with this?

DD's has an older sister who is also lovely!

Sounds like they have both been lucky enough to have happy, healthy experiences for their first relationships. Personally, I'm very grateful for that as it will definitely influence dd's expectations for the future!

Can I ask why?

Yes, definitely! 😁

I think we were married to the same man, @HowWouldYouRespondToThis. Amazing he found enough time to rant at both of us.

At 17 I was living away at agricultural college... my parents didn't have a clue what I was doing!

Where are they intendong to stay.

They discussed it as an idea over the weekend and told me about it on Sunday. They haven't got any plans until beyond looking at a couple of hotels, train fares, places they'd like to visit when they're there. They're not planning on going until the summer holidays so another 6 months away yet.

I'm not going to criticise them for not having covered everything yet.

Bunch of wankers they are 😉

Well quite. She has a couple of friends doing just that! They're almost entirely independent.

Some hotels don't accept bookings from under 18's unaccompanied by an adult. That's why I asked where they would be staying.

No, I've realised that from this thread. I hadn't really thought that far. I have told her that might be the case and they've said they'll make some enquiries.

If a hotel is a no go (I don't think he'd want to do a youth hostel) then they'll have to come up with a plan b.

But, in theory, I don't have a problem with it.

I think just not telling her dad is the best approach, it's none of his business. I went away I couple of times when I was 17, once with friends and once with my boyfriend. It didn't occur to me to ask either of my parents, just told them I was going (although I'm not saying there's anything wrong with her asking you of course, it sounds like you have a lovely relationship 🥰)

She's practically an adult anyway and it's a really good idea for her to have as much practice striking out on her own before she moves out or starts uni. The people I went to uni with whose parents sheltered them and stopped them doing things like this until they were 18 often struggled- either found the whole thing really difficult or went totally bonkers with the sudden freedom. If her dad is going to try and stop her having these really healthy, age-appropriate experiences then I think it's best that he doesn't know!

The people I went to uni with whose parents sheltered them and stopped them doing things like this until they were 18 often struggled- either found the whole thing really difficult or went totally bonkers with the sudden freedom

That was me, tbh. I didn't intend to go bonkers, I just had absolutely zero life experience and was completely unable to handle myself or other people or manage situations/recognise risk etc.

I don't want the same for her.

He moved straight out of his parents house in with me. When we split up, he moved back in with his parents before moving in with his now wife. He has never lived on his own or outside of his home town. I've lived all over the country at various points. On my own, with friends, a previous boyfriend... totally different experiences.

He's both very immature and a ridiculously old man both at the same time.

My parents thought they had the right to stop me from going away with my long term boyfriend from the age of 17, right up until I left home at 21...when I got into a ill advised marriage with said boyfriend. It lasted 2 and a half years and I was divorced before I was 24. This was the late 80s/early 90s.

I really wish my mother had been like you. My boyfriend wasn't even allowed upstairs in our house. The first time he saw my bedroom was the day after our wedding day, when he was helping me pack it up. We'd owned a house for 6 months at that point, I was paying half the mortgage...and my parents still wouldn't 'allow' me to spend the night with him.

It was absolutely ridiculous. I'm ashamed of myself for not standing up to my parents and acting like the young adult I was. You don't need to tell your ex husband anything about what your daughter is doing with her boyfriend...that's her business. She shouldn't feel like she needs to tell him either.

I think it's fine but yeah check where they want to stay as you have to 18 to check into some hotels.

@Andypandy799 this. Good luck holding back the tide. It's much better to have an open and honest relationship with your young people regarding relationships, sex, boundaries and keeping themselves safe than just saying "no, don't do it, concentrate on your studies" etc... And, as the mother of a teenage son, I object strongly to the "all boys are just after one thing". My son has been raised to treat women with respect and take responsibility for his actions. So less of the stereotyping please.

Ha ha ha ha. Good luck with that!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Encourage them not to rule out youth hostels. Some of them are amazing and you can get private rooms with en suite bathrooms etc, not really very different from hotels... very different from what I imagined, anyway, or from what I remember from my youth!!!

Thanks. She and I have been youth hostelling when she was younger so she's familiar with them. I will encourage them to consider it.

I left home at 17.
I was supporting myself and parents had no idea what I was doing. These days there is so much molly coddling.

I like YHA hostels, didn’t even start using them until I was in my 20s and still use them. Be aware though that as under 18s they will not be able to book a private room. They will be allocated to single sex dorms or single sex shared smaller rooms. Private rooms can only be booked by families with children under 18, or single sex groups.

Blimey. Seems like.not being 18 really scuppers yout plans!

Wouldn't be so bad but they charge as an adult from 16 🙄

My dd has been able to book private rooms at several YHA hostels without being 18. So it is definitely worth a try!

From the YHA website:

To ensure we provide safe and suitable accommodation for everyone, children under the age of 16 must be accompanied by a person who is 18 years or older. Children at the age of 12 and over can stay in public dormitories if accompanied by an adult, who they checked into the Hostel with. Children under the age of 12 are not permitted to stay in public dormitory accommodation and should be booked into a private room. Children who are ages 16 or over may stay in any accommodation. Groups of guests of mixed genders, who wish to stay in the same room, must book private accommodation.

Thanks. I'll definitely be showing them this.