OK. I've read all the replies. Thank you - I knew I could count on you all to be the voices of reason!
They are both very sensible. I trust them together to look after each other. They've had no arguments are very kind and loving towards each other so I have no concerns about him, her or the relationship.
As far as sex goes, they haven't. I know that and I know the reasons for it. They're fine and it's nothing to worry about but also their business. That might change by the summer - who knows. But, by then, they'll have been together for 18 months and will be 17 anyway.
I'll mention YHA to them. In case they can't book somewhere as 2 under 18s.
Until now, she's rarely asked to go and do anything. I've said no to 3 things and she's admitted since that she wasn't comfortable about them anyway so wanted ro gauge my opinion. None were to do with her boyfriend..
I don't 'encourage' sex. She has asked if he can stop the night. I've said no because we don't have a spare room. His mum has said yes because they do. Of course, I'm not stupid but at least the respect is there. She hasn't stopped over though.
As far as her dad goes, you're right. His relationship with her is his to manage. We had a similar issue when my eldest got to this age and he wanted to control what he did too. He says it's because he loves and cares about them. He does... but he also seeks to demonstrate this through control.
I spoke to her before she went to school this morning. I've already told her she doesn't need my permission as such but courtsey dictates that we all tell each other where we are going to he and what we are doing and when we are coming home.
I went away for a couple of nights last week and left her home alone. Her brother knew and he boyfriend's parents knew - in case she needed an adult (I was only an hour away anyway). So she is given freedom, responsibility and independence. Her dad would go ballistic if he knew she'd been home alone. So we didn't tell him.
She and her boyfriend have taken the train on day trips and he's been angry about that too - what if something happened, what if they needed picking up, what if, what if, what if...
They want to go to London. He is worried about knife crime, gun crime, bombs, rape, murder, her going missing, her running out of money, them losing each other. The list goes on! But any of those things could happen in our he town/city too. And him knowing where she is won't prevent them from happening. I refuse to keep her locked up. He wants to protect her and sees my attitude as reckless and uncaring. He would hold me entirely responsible if anything happened.
I suppose lovkdown has muddied the waters somewhat. She didn't go anywhere really between being 13 and 15 so there hasn't been a gradual exposure to things and he keeps talking about her not having had the chance to mature or experience things in a normal timeline. But I am confident she can look after herself.
My boyfriend has already said that we'll be on standby when they go and, if necessary, wil drive down ourselves to help them out.
He is her dad. She is under 18 and he does have PR. But he isn't her keeper or her captor and he doesn't understand that if she doesn't get to experience things when she is still living at home, she won't have the experience to enable her to make decisions when she is older.
She has done things that he doesn't know about but it does make me quite anxious in case he finds out. So, yes, I have considered that, but its also right that he doesn't have that control over me now either. I ignore the streams of messages he sends me. I don't engage or even respond once they start entering the realms of nonsense.
So, assuming they can find somewhere to stay, she will he going and she won't he telling him. I will be knowing where she is going and she'll be in contact with me.
Thanks for all the responses and advice.