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Original poster

I really dislike my new partners kids

270 replies

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:03

I have been dating a new partner for the best part of 4 months. You've taken it slow and not introduced our kids until recently.

Without sounding cruel, I really do not like my partner's kids. They constantly fight, bicker, talk back and are downright rude to them. Everything is a battle, who is sitting where in the car, bed time, what they are eating for dinner, what they are wearing, what we are doing. More often than not one or both get into a state if they do not get their own way.

It sometimes feels like a negotiation rather than a parent takign the lead.

They are a great person, a great partner and make me really happy. We connect on so many levels, emotionally, in our career, life values and sexually.

But I can't stand the way the kids behave. They can't even sit at a dinner table without having to be babied.

I know as the kids get older things will get easier but at this moment in time I don't like them and I don't like being around them.

I am not saying that I am parent of the year or anything, and they do anamazing job. Event my son has mentioned of their kids are constantly arguing.

It is really putting me off wanting to be with them...

Does that make me a bad person

I don't know what to do...

OP posts:
CarpetSlipper · 26/02/2023 23:57

Four months is way too soon but as you’ve already met the kids and don’t like them, then you need to either end the relationship or only see each other without the children.

Zone2NorthLondon · 27/02/2023 00:01

taking it slow? 4 months isn’t slow. Yes You are mean spirited and need to get away from those poor kids and their feckless father

Shauny098 · 27/02/2023 00:10

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:26

Wow what a really judgemental group of 'ladies'

I take it that you are all perfect and have never done anything other than the best. I never realised there were so many ivory towers. It's rather lonely down here with the great unwashed and bad parents.

I wonder whether you all understand the power of your words. I assume you are just taking a break from saving the world, curing kids from cancer.

Or do you just like to try and gloat over those who you think you are better than. Just to make your sad life feel a little bit better than

Christ almighty…4 months is a long time when you’re in love and sure in who he is. Ppl saying you should wait a year or more are ridiculous! And tbh it’s best you have met the kids sooner rather than later because you don’t like them and I’m afraid to say that if you don’t they will always be a problem (for a good while anyway) so you should probably call it a day (and you’ve only wasted 4 months on him).

You can sure on him but if his kids aren’t for you then he’s not for you unfortunately.

Tacsi · 27/02/2023 00:23

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:26

Wow what a really judgemental group of 'ladies'

I take it that you are all perfect and have never done anything other than the best. I never realised there were so many ivory towers. It's rather lonely down here with the great unwashed and bad parents.

I wonder whether you all understand the power of your words. I assume you are just taking a break from saving the world, curing kids from cancer.

Or do you just like to try and gloat over those who you think you are better than. Just to make your sad life feel a little bit better than

I was going to try give advice after reading your post and having first hand experience with this, but after reading your reply above, have decided against it as you come across as a grade A Cunt! Poor Poorkids, really feel for them

Moser85 · 27/02/2023 00:28

Four months isn't taking it slow.

This isn't fair on his kids either. Imagine if your ex had a girlfriend saying that about your kids.

Moser85 · 27/02/2023 00:28

Clicked submit too soon.
You wouldn't want her around your kids if she felt that way.

Verbena17 · 27/02/2023 00:40

@whattodonext09 surely the dad only sees his kids every other weekend, so can’t you just see him at the times he’s not got his kids over? Take things a bit slower and let it all sink in before trying to blend the families?

ImustLearn2Cook · 27/02/2023 00:51

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:26

Wow what a really judgemental group of 'ladies'

I take it that you are all perfect and have never done anything other than the best. I never realised there were so many ivory towers. It's rather lonely down here with the great unwashed and bad parents.

I wonder whether you all understand the power of your words. I assume you are just taking a break from saving the world, curing kids from cancer.

Or do you just like to try and gloat over those who you think you are better than. Just to make your sad life feel a little bit better than

Well aren’t you a grade A prick. I hope she or he dumps you before you seriously hurt those children.

And yes 4 months is way to early to introduce the kids. Your partner hardly knows you.

You don’t have to be a perfect parent to figure that one out.

Greekislandhopper · 27/02/2023 00:59

Jeez, OP, you say you taking it slow. I think not. I didn’t meet DP’s kids (teenagers) for 6 months. His teenagers wished both parents well post-divorce coz they saw for themselves how toxic marriage was - but still, we took our time. You are interacting with primary school DC FGS

Icecreamandapplepie · 27/02/2023 01:02

Why write they? Should be singular surely? So annoying

Greekislandhopper · 27/02/2023 01:03

Who is this aimed at? A grammar lesson seems superfluous

StoppinBy · 27/02/2023 01:05

If you only have one child then .... welcome to having more than one child.

Many siblings bicker all the time.

I don't think this is the relationship for you. You have to be ok with the entire package, not just the person you are saying or it will never work out.

StoppinBy · 27/02/2023 01:06

Dating, not saying... blasted auto correct.

ImustLearn2Cook · 27/02/2023 01:07

Icecreamandapplepie · 27/02/2023 01:02

Why write they? Should be singular surely? So annoying

My guess is that the Op doesn’t want us to know their sex or gender.

It doesn’t change anything though does it.

momtoboys · 27/02/2023 01:10

AmandaHoldensLips · 26/02/2023 20:07

End it. Not liking the kids is a deal breaker.

I’m sorry, I’m with Amanda.

BritInAus · 27/02/2023 01:32

Why are so many posters assuming the OP's partner is a he/boyfriend/him? They have said 'new partner' - nothing that says they are definitely male.

Moser85 · 27/02/2023 01:48

BritInAus · 27/02/2023 01:32

Why are so many posters assuming the OP's partner is a he/boyfriend/him? They have said 'new partner' - nothing that says they are definitely male.

Because our brains are designed to make assumptions on what the most likely scenario is in a situation.
It makes us more efficient so that we're not in a permanent state of confusion delaying how quickly our brains respond.

Most women who post here post about men, therefore we will assume that she's talking about a man, because again our brains are designed to fill in the blanks to make life easier!

CJsGoldfish · 27/02/2023 01:49

By 4 months, me and DH were engaged and he was living with me and my daughters. Everything was fine and we are still together 9 years on
Moving a stranger in to live with your daughters after 4 months really doesn't scream that you'd know, or admit, or even care, whether "everything was fine" or not 🤷‍♀️

OP, move on. The fact that you think it is ok, 'moving slowly' even 🙄, to be in these childrens lives after 4 months just confirms that you are not what these children need. Leave them alone before they are further damaged.

Butterfly44 · 27/02/2023 02:05

At that age kids are not going anywhere, so if you can't stand them, exit now

StalkedByASpider · 27/02/2023 02:42

ImustLearn2Cook · 27/02/2023 01:07

My guess is that the Op doesn’t want us to know their sex or gender.

It doesn’t change anything though does it.

Show quote history

It doesn't change anything but interestingly, even before their little rant I was already wondering if the OP was a man....

After the outburst I'm even more convinced that it might be.

ImustLearn2Cook · 27/02/2023 02:45

@StalkedByASpider 😆me too. He or she probably thinks that if we thought they were a woman dating a man that we would be on their side 😂

MeanCanadianLady · 27/02/2023 03:08

I feel conflicted. Everyone is saying four months is too soon to wait a year to a year and a half but by then most people are head over heals in love. So what happens when you find out you and the kids just don't mesh? Then you're both going to be absolutely devistated or end up trying to force it and just doing a lot of damage.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I know the answer... Perhaps there are no good answers. I'm lucky to have never been in this dating situation.

StalkedByASpider · 27/02/2023 03:16

ImustLearn2Cook · 27/02/2023 02:45

@StalkedByASpider 😆me too. He or she probably thinks that if we thought they were a woman dating a man that we would be on their side 😂

Yes! I thought exactly this too.... 😅

Their ploy appears to have slightly backfired. I suspect they won't be back 😅

ImustLearn2Cook · 27/02/2023 03:26

@StalkedByASpider 🤣

Coyoacan · 27/02/2023 03:28

I don't care what sexes the OP and their partner are, children should not have to spend time with people who actively dislike them.