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Original poster

I really dislike my new partners kids

270 replies

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:03

I have been dating a new partner for the best part of 4 months. You've taken it slow and not introduced our kids until recently.

Without sounding cruel, I really do not like my partner's kids. They constantly fight, bicker, talk back and are downright rude to them. Everything is a battle, who is sitting where in the car, bed time, what they are eating for dinner, what they are wearing, what we are doing. More often than not one or both get into a state if they do not get their own way.

It sometimes feels like a negotiation rather than a parent takign the lead.

They are a great person, a great partner and make me really happy. We connect on so many levels, emotionally, in our career, life values and sexually.

But I can't stand the way the kids behave. They can't even sit at a dinner table without having to be babied.

I know as the kids get older things will get easier but at this moment in time I don't like them and I don't like being around them.

I am not saying that I am parent of the year or anything, and they do anamazing job. Event my son has mentioned of their kids are constantly arguing.

It is really putting me off wanting to be with them...

Does that make me a bad person

I don't know what to do...

OP posts:
JudgeRinderonTinder · 26/02/2023 21:22

SpecialK2023 · 26/02/2023 21:20

”Muscle in” there’s nothing to say OP is holding this person against their will? Presumably this is a reciprocal situation and they both like one another. Dating someone with children doesn’t make you some sort of vulture and the parent some sort of vulnerable prey.

Show quote history

She has muscled in on the kids lives and changed their routines and dynamics without their say so and she has the cheek to declare she doesn’t like them? After 4 months she’s a stranger and he is their dad. No bloody wonder they’re playing up. If she can’t handle kids they aren’t a match. She needs to do one, frankly.

fruitbrewhaha · 26/02/2023 21:24

Well kids can be very perceptive. Maybe they have sussed you out to be a total arsehole.

SpecialK2023 · 26/02/2023 21:24

JudgeRinderonTinder · 26/02/2023 21:22

She has muscled in on the kids lives and changed their routines and dynamics without their say so and she has the cheek to declare she doesn’t like them? After 4 months she’s a stranger and he is their dad. No bloody wonder they’re playing up. If she can’t handle kids they aren’t a match. She needs to do one, frankly.

Show quote history

There is nothing in OP’s posts to suggest this. You’re being dramatic.

Starlitestarbright · 26/02/2023 21:28

Op what do you want ppl to say it's early days you don't like his dc you can't really proceed with this relationship.

Pubesofsoberness · 26/02/2023 21:31

They probably don't like you much either.
No thought from some parents about how difficult it could be for small children having some random adult they don't know in their space

C152 · 26/02/2023 21:33

It sounds like you've fallen really fast and hard for this person, so I imagine it feels like you have a difficult choice to make. Try to imagine a friend coming to you with the same issue - they've been dating someone for only 4 months, but don't like their kids, don't want to be around the kids and don't agree with their partner's parenting techniques - what would you say to them?

Given that it has only been 4 months, and you have your own son to worry about, I would personally end the relationship now.

H34th · 26/02/2023 21:33

It's the parenting of your new partner you don't like - I think it sounds wrong to say you don't like the actual kids as they are so changeable and impressionable, etc... they are work in progress, aren't they.

Are you planning to may be have joint kids with them? If yes, your differences as parents could end the relationship.

JudgeRinderonTinder · 26/02/2023 21:34

SpecialK2023 · 26/02/2023 21:24

There is nothing in OP’s posts to suggest this. You’re being dramatic.

Show quote history

Ok, my mistake, so it’s normal for a girlfriend of 4 months to have this level of involvement in her partners kids lives which it appears she has, and which will naturally change family dynamics. Ok…

If she can’t handle his children then they aren’t compatible.

Sunriseinwonderland · 26/02/2023 21:37

This relationship is not going to work. You need to end it. I couldn't date someone with even one let alone multiple children.

Jollyhoho · 26/02/2023 21:38

For context, my Dad didn't introduce me to his new girlfriend/child for 3years..... he introduced me when he knew he was going to ask her to marry him.

They moved in together and then got married a year later.

And people accused him of moving too fast......

JudgeRudy · 26/02/2023 21:38

They're not going away anytime soon so seems you're not really compatible. You have choices. You could suggest you continue with a 'separate' more casual relationship or call it off.
Personally I'd tell him why. I wouldn't be too mean but maybe suggest you have very different parenting styles. Be prepared for some backlash though. He might say your kids have no spirit and walk about like boring mannequins. He might say they're timid or geeky....maybe his kids loath getting dumped with be your 'wet lettuces'.

chaztree · 26/02/2023 21:40

My kids are 7 and 9 and are exactly as you describe....they bicker all the time and the best thing is to let them figure things out. Yes it may get easier as they get older....but if you don't have the patience for them now then maybe this isn't the partner for you.

RosetteNebula · 26/02/2023 21:41

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:26

Wow what a really judgemental group of 'ladies'

I take it that you are all perfect and have never done anything other than the best. I never realised there were so many ivory towers. It's rather lonely down here with the great unwashed and bad parents.

I wonder whether you all understand the power of your words. I assume you are just taking a break from saving the world, curing kids from cancer.

Or do you just like to try and gloat over those who you think you are better than. Just to make your sad life feel a little bit better than

What? 😂

I've only skimmed the first couple of pages but most of the replies seemed pretty fair and balanced to me.

Justmeandthedog1 · 26/02/2023 21:42

7 and 9 —- it’s a long time until they are independent. And if you think this stage is difficult, wait until they’re teenagers.
If you don’t like them, you don’t like them, no law says you have to but I just see problem after problem stretching into the future. Sorry, but can’t see it working.

Shinyredbicycle · 26/02/2023 21:46

I don't know what you want people to say OP.

You described being around your partner of four months children at dinner time and bedtime as slow and people pointed out that it's actually very early in a new relationship.

You don't like his children and they don't seem to warm to you.

So unfortunately, this relationship isn't likely to go where you want it to.

Bepis · 26/02/2023 21:54

In defence to the OP, what's fast for one family may not be considered fast for another. We don't know the circumstances around them getting together, they could have known each other for a while before starting a relationship.

By 4 months, me and DH were engaged and he was living with me and my daughters. Everything was fine and we are still together 9 years on.

SwingingPendulousBabylons · 26/02/2023 21:54

4 months isn't a partner. It's a boyfriend at best.

As for taking it slow: PMSL. I'd hate to see what you think "quick" looks like.

Poor children.

Littlewhitecat · 26/02/2023 21:56

16 weeks FFS!

Emotionalsupportviper · 26/02/2023 21:58

JassyRadlett · 26/02/2023 20:06

Ok, first, four months is not 'taking it slow'. That's very fast and these kids will have had no chance to get used to the idea of you before being made to meet you.

Second, you're not going to be seeing them at their best because they are probably unsettled by the idea of you and your kids.

How old are they? How old are your kids?

Honestly, I'd do everyone here a favour and end it with your 'partner'.

Ok, first, four months is not 'taking it slow'. That's very fast

This.

They will still be upset that their mam and dad aren't together - or maybe you are the latest in a long line of short-term partners.

7 and 9 - they ARE babies! No matter what you think. Children regress emotionally when stressed, and that is what they are doing.

WisherWood · 26/02/2023 22:00

Wow what a really judgemental group of 'ladies'

I'm a woman, not a lady. People on here can be quite robust. If you were expecting shy, retiring violets and excessive politeness, you need to find another website. Or just re-evaluate how you think women behave. We are actually allowed to speak our minds.

I met my DP's child when we'd been dating for about six months. We had the advantage that we weren't trying to blend families, since I don't have children. She was nonetheless quite upset by the whole situation and did display behaviour that was less than exemplary. So we backed off for a bit, since we're adults and she was an upset, vulnerable child. Several years later and I'm still with my DP and I get on with his child absolutely fine. We still don't live together though.

So I'm not perfect and I'm not going to cure cancer. However, I can recognise when people take things a bit too fast and when they need to be more understanding of how young children respond to change and instability. Slow down, continue dating for a while, allow the children time.

And they're all arseholes some of the time at that age. It's just sibling dynamics.

Tessabelle74 · 26/02/2023 22:06

You need to finish it. They're still so young and understandably playing up in the situation because they can feel you don't like them. 4 months is waaaaaay too fast to be introducing kids into a new relationship imo. They're better off without you in their lives if you feel this way 5 minutes after meeting them

WomensLandArmy · 26/02/2023 22:12

erm, is it just the one child you have then OP?

Jimboscott0115 · 26/02/2023 22:13

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:26

Wow what a really judgemental group of 'ladies'

I take it that you are all perfect and have never done anything other than the best. I never realised there were so many ivory towers. It's rather lonely down here with the great unwashed and bad parents.

I wonder whether you all understand the power of your words. I assume you are just taking a break from saving the world, curing kids from cancer.

Or do you just like to try and gloat over those who you think you are better than. Just to make your sad life feel a little bit better than

Ok, while some comments have been a bit harsh, this isn't the most mature response. Introducing your kids at 4 months isn't slow at all and I find that stance a bit odd - I waited over a year and that seems fairly standard.

The kids are probably struggling to adjust and I can't blame them, it hasn't been long and within a few months it sounds like your families are trying to blend already which isn't healthy for kids on either side so soon when you have no idea after 4 months if the relationship really works or not.

I don't think you're unreasonable for not liking his kids, I do think you're unreasonable for judging them within a situation that can't be good for them and was a poor decision. But... You are where you are so it's probably a choice of trying to make it work or cutting your losses early and learning a very tough and valuable lesson in how to introduce partners to children.

Bepis · 26/02/2023 22:21

@SwingingPendulousBabylons By 4 months, I was engaged and planning a wedding. It's different for everyone.

ThepicofmyhairymingeprovesIamsober · 26/02/2023 22:22

That’s a shame. The kids speak very highly of you I’m sure. Hmm
Seriously though, if you’re feeling so much resentment towards these kids already you should call it a day, for their sake and for your kid’s too

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