Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I really dislike my new partners kids

270 replies

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:03

I have been dating a new partner for the best part of 4 months. You've taken it slow and not introduced our kids until recently.

Without sounding cruel, I really do not like my partner's kids. They constantly fight, bicker, talk back and are downright rude to them. Everything is a battle, who is sitting where in the car, bed time, what they are eating for dinner, what they are wearing, what we are doing. More often than not one or both get into a state if they do not get their own way.

It sometimes feels like a negotiation rather than a parent takign the lead.

They are a great person, a great partner and make me really happy. We connect on so many levels, emotionally, in our career, life values and sexually.

But I can't stand the way the kids behave. They can't even sit at a dinner table without having to be babied.

I know as the kids get older things will get easier but at this moment in time I don't like them and I don't like being around them.

I am not saying that I am parent of the year or anything, and they do anamazing job. Event my son has mentioned of their kids are constantly arguing.

It is really putting me off wanting to be with them...

Does that make me a bad person

I don't know what to do...

OP posts:
Onemyownhere · 26/02/2023 22:23

Sunriseinwonderland · 26/02/2023 21:37

This relationship is not going to work. You need to end it. I couldn't date someone with even one let alone multiple children.

Well i hope u don't have children and are single because don't expect someone to date u with that type of response

Theunamedcat · 26/02/2023 22:32

Onemyownhere · 26/02/2023 22:23

Well i hope u don't have children and are single because don't expect someone to date u with that type of response

Show quote history

Everyone is entitled to a personal preference I couldn't date a wonderful man because he fawned and doted on his adult child to the degree he had his shifts at work planned around her finishing her job and he would ferry her the two streets from the bus stop to their house two small streets princess and her boyfriend couldn't walk it my child (same age) was living away at university in a different part of the country regularly catching trains buses etc home independently not relying on me at all we clearly had different ideas about raising children

sofasofa42 · 26/02/2023 22:32

Are you a woman dating a woman who has just come out of a heterosexual relationship?
Everyone is assuming you are a guy but to me you seem very female and very full of rage .
Don't be around kids if you don't like them.

Situaciones · 26/02/2023 22:33

Well it would be stupid to keep dating them. The kids are going nowhere. Do everyone a favour and move on.

Ginger1982 · 26/02/2023 22:33

4 months is way too fast. Sorry you're not able to understand that.

Onemyownhere · 26/02/2023 22:33

When u have children i think it's best to take things slowly and not rush into things, 4 month's isn't a long time to be introducing children to their partners, you barely even know the man yourself,however u have already been introduced so can't turn back time... To state u dislike someone children indicates to me that u are not ready to be in a relationship with a man with children, it's best to end things while its new.. You're mindset is already negative towards his kids... Next time take things slowly before getting involved with people's children

Onemyownhere · 26/02/2023 22:39

Theunamedcat · 26/02/2023 22:32

Everyone is entitled to a personal preference I couldn't date a wonderful man because he fawned and doted on his adult child to the degree he had his shifts at work planned around her finishing her job and he would ferry her the two streets from the bus stop to their house two small streets princess and her boyfriend couldn't walk it my child (same age) was living away at university in a different part of the country regularly catching trains buses etc home independently not relying on me at all we clearly had different ideas about raising children

Show quote history

Never mentioned they weren't entitled to their opinion the OP clearly is dating a man with children and has a son themself... This thread isn't about whether others will date a person with kids or not this thread is about the OP disliking their partners child and asking advise on what they will do

Housefullofcatsandkids · 26/02/2023 22:41

You've not just put you dislike them, you've said 'really dislike them'. I'm assuming you've not seen much of them given it's only been 4 months so for you to feel so strongly they must really get to you. The issue here is that it's probably not the kids' fault, it's the parenting style which has led to this which then is your partner's flaw not theirs. How old are your children? If you're not used to children of that age or siblings it may seem worse than it actually is. Do the children live with your partner or do they only have them weekends etc? All of these can factor into it and if you think you could get past it then try but I think it's important to remember that they are young children and their behaviour is largely a direct result of how they are parented. If you want the behaviour to improve then the parenting needs to improve.

Fansandblankets · 26/02/2023 22:42

No of course you’re not a bad person. I have a step daughter, I’ve been her step mum for the best part of 27 years. She’s 32. She’s been through stages over the years. When she was really little we had a great relationship, ages 10-14/15 she seemed to not like me very much but once she was an adult things have been great, we’re really close now. You’ve been together such a short space of time the kids are probably just adjusting but if they’re badly behaved normally you’ll either have to ride the storm or get out now. Do they live with him full time?

Easternext · 26/02/2023 22:44

SeulementUneFois · 26/02/2023 20:04

You are definitely not a bad person.
Prepare to be slaughtered on here, stepparents usually are no matter what they do.

She's not a step parent has been with partner 4 months 16 little weeks!!!

End it now before your in to deep they will be with him forever!

StressedToTheMaxxx · 26/02/2023 23:01

4 months, and you've introduced the children to one another? What on earth were you thinking??

SpringIsSpringing23 · 26/02/2023 23:02

Sounds like you are both women and I'm thinking this is probably their first time their mum has been with a female partner. Must be very confusing for them.

Tigp · 26/02/2023 23:02

Just split up. It’s not going to work. Lust clouds feelings at that stage anyway.

SpaceOpera · 26/02/2023 23:07

whattodonext09 · 26/02/2023 20:03

I have been dating a new partner for the best part of 4 months. You've taken it slow and not introduced our kids until recently.

Without sounding cruel, I really do not like my partner's kids. They constantly fight, bicker, talk back and are downright rude to them. Everything is a battle, who is sitting where in the car, bed time, what they are eating for dinner, what they are wearing, what we are doing. More often than not one or both get into a state if they do not get their own way.

It sometimes feels like a negotiation rather than a parent takign the lead.

They are a great person, a great partner and make me really happy. We connect on so many levels, emotionally, in our career, life values and sexually.

But I can't stand the way the kids behave. They can't even sit at a dinner table without having to be babied.

I know as the kids get older things will get easier but at this moment in time I don't like them and I don't like being around them.

I am not saying that I am parent of the year or anything, and they do anamazing job. Event my son has mentioned of their kids are constantly arguing.

It is really putting me off wanting to be with them...

Does that make me a bad person

I don't know what to do...

Hi OP. If you are still reading, and you’re still wondering what to do, the simplest solution is to see the guy but not around his kids. You can keep the option to try again once time has passed and if you are thinking of settling down.

You should think deeply about the impact on your kids of blending. The most successful blended family I know (5 kids) took some years to settle once under the same roof.

Obviously your communication with him will have to improve to the extent that you can agree with him on behaviour and boundaries. Give the thing time.

Or you might decide a blended family is not for you.

Put your kids first. Always. But you know that. 🤗

Xol · 26/02/2023 23:10

Why does everyone assume OP is female and the partner is male?

Summerfun54321 · 26/02/2023 23:17

If they are trying to slot you into a parental role and hang out with their kids after 4 months then run, run away very fast. Sounds like they want help with their kids more than they want an actual partner.

ToLongToCharge · 26/02/2023 23:17

@SeulementUneFois

Step parents???
Theve been together 4 months 😂😂😂

Ponderingwindow · 26/02/2023 23:20

How you parent your children needs to be high on your list of shared values. Even in non-blended families, parents will not always agree. Add in the blended element and if you have very different parenting styles it is going to cause problems.

you haven’t likely gotten a true picture of the children themselves. They have been rushed into a blended situation. You have gotten a good look at your boyfriend though. How he has reacted in these circumstances should be your focus.

SpaceOpera · 26/02/2023 23:22

Ponderingwindow · 26/02/2023 23:20

How you parent your children needs to be high on your list of shared values. Even in non-blended families, parents will not always agree. Add in the blended element and if you have very different parenting styles it is going to cause problems.

you haven’t likely gotten a true picture of the children themselves. They have been rushed into a blended situation. You have gotten a good look at your boyfriend though. How he has reacted in these circumstances should be your focus.

Love this! Eloquent. Calm. Logical. Wise. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

CandyLeBonBon · 26/02/2023 23:25

End the relationship op. These kids don't deserve to have someone forced on them who actively dislikes them.

qazxc · 26/02/2023 23:25

It's only been 4 months, I would break up. Partner and kids come as a package, if you don't like the kids, you and him are not a good fit.

SpaceOpera · 26/02/2023 23:26

Xol · 26/02/2023 23:10

Why does everyone assume OP is female and the partner is male?

You are right. So interesting that most - inc me - assumed a female talking about a male. Could be a female talking about a female. But I still think the OP is female. Something about the detail: “Everything is a battle, who is sitting where in the car, bed time, what they are eating for dinner, what they are wearing, what we are doing.”

I haven’t considered either that the partner might be trans.

Moveoverdarlin · 26/02/2023 23:35

I don’t think introducing everyone after 4 months is taking it remotely slow.

ClairDeLaLune · 26/02/2023 23:49

End the relationship OP. For the sake of the kids. Their situation will be upsetting enough for them without having a new person brought into their lives who doesn’t like them. It’s no wonder they’re playing up. Poor things.

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/02/2023 23:50

Four months is far too early to be meeting kids IMO.

Other than that they sound annoying but.. what can you do. They may well grow out of it, but in the meantime I'd say back off. It's all going too fast which is only likely to make behaviour worse.

Swipe left for the next trending thread